R i - i - . g loove dat-thing yough do ay-bout Alanis Morissette‘. Now. it wasn‘t

me it was another: so now I am left with the possibility that he thinks I

- am just anv old guv that looks like the comedian or he has in fact seen W if u meet Noel Galla her and - a .~ « . . hat do you do yo 9 us both and unfortunately sort of melted us together like a merger but

he miStakes you for Ed Byrne? You let h'm buy left my name offthe ncw sign. you a vodka cocktaiL I prefer that it is a little bit like a lateral quiz: a man is mistaken for a comedian and he is one et cetera. Just as he finishes saying. I tell him that it is not me in a way that will not look like I am to any onlookers. He dealt with it well. got me a vodka cocktail and said he could get me anything cos he was the fuckin‘ mayor of London.

, Then I say I have to go and try and get my . . . and he's pulling me up the stairs and out to the rope and he is verifying and identifying saying outloudly that he knows my brothers and they are with him

and the last my brothers saw of me was an

unconvinced mouthing and here I am with a

Gallagher. and all of as brothers.

That was more exciting than when I came out of a lift on the hotel floor he had

I rented all of. to see if there

was a blag for the party and

am out with two of my brothers. although they are not actual. they are step: Tim and Francis. at the opening of The Lab Bar for cocktails on Old Compton Street. and we have only one invite and I am smiling up at the man of door and rope to ask please to go in sir and fetch my Ian out to verify, qualify and identify. ! ‘Backinaminute‘, I mouth as well as say. I Inside, I push past the thin clothed Londoners all talking like clangers in the media and get to the top ; of some stairs that descalate in a movie-wide t Hollywood-spiral presentation-type fashion to the big ' basement below where certainly it is all at. Caprice is juggling citrus fruits near the bar as I tip slowly over the edge like John Wayne's ' foot at the end of The Searchers and begin I the sweep around and down and there I see ' _ Noel. in the prime PR corner. some of his Noel was meeting the group sitting and him and some standing. . , H . H 1; liltloads and stuck for As I am seeing him he sees me and g e sald he something to say I asked immediately goes. ‘ay you. I love you‘. me ' him if he had any cous

The whole place uoes quiet by about six . cous then got back in the anything cos

percent. It was voiced in an accent which ‘1 lift. ()r the time we drove made it sound like something that was he was ,. thirteen hours to see them my fault. I acquiesce to/with it and he f k- , I, In. Brighton and Bobby comes up [he stairs" [0 Incct Inc I (‘IIIICSPIC II‘ICLI [0 hurt Ile completely laden with rich man‘s of Lon puppy. .Or the plastic cleanhair and shoes and hands with ' bottle-Iliummgrmt at Loch Mancunian manicure. Lomond I didii I start I am smiling and he says 'ay (allegedly).


= John Fardell rf—D—ANCE CENT RE] were you thinking of leafnmflaueéa Well, what about one or”— BritaM’; Ah) men how about the cool g :__ " folk dame traditions ?,,_ mph/imitation of an exotic I.

Ef~- I don‘t think I‘ve got The Physigue...

I’ve..er..toeen thinking abOut taking up some 50ft of .um.. dance class.

I’d be a but embarrazsed... I fore?" 4"?“ form

__ l dowt Know--. I'm not

v\reallq the fat/n typ€..

Oh '10.“ I've gone over 6 stone again} A .

Certainly, sir... We, (an at wide Variety of cow/res

Magbe l’lljusf leave {e For VICUU... I Our Middle -A9ed—Dad-at—4-Teenage_Dfxo 0,0155 [.5 Waving very papuiai“...

Exotic and foreign doesn‘t: have to be latch Perhaps 0);: would be more your scene ?..

No no, don't go sir!... I’ve just remembered. We've got the very tho/19.. The perfect dame style (or the ave-rage British male...

That's it , shuffle arourld W Don't forget die Mane smile Don't move your arms too much...

(93? 2001

138 THE LIST 4—18 0012001