Rear view

Phil Kay

Phil finds that death becomes him.

ust two funerals. a near arrest and the finest bed in Scotland. Just two funerals today and I spent 33 quid on taxis to carry my bike around Fife and talked to the most important person at the funeral and had a laugh with her as people came tip asking if she was bearing up all right. She is Margot. 35. man‘ied two weeks and blonde and beautiful like her mtnn Margaret. Margaret has died. Margaret was thin and so well dressed and so excellently pretty with navy cardies and pearls and she ran a farm and she had newfoundland dogs and drove Seimitars. She had married the rich farmer John Brown: started a hair-salon

with my tntnn.

I‘inally. I buy something cashmere from the cashmere factory in Kinross where my mum lives. She wears the scarf

with another one that Margaret

by David and Jane. The man is incredibly funny: you live

Kirkcaldy. scene of the worst comedy performance in history with me

failing to tune a guitar for almost 50 minutes. Luckily. as I cycled off into

gave her. We are picked up

love of him through laughing to what he says.

It is very cold by the grave side. Too many people for this small church at Portmoak and my dad should be playing the organ. I can sing and I qttite enjoy the hymns. I can't really do the praying thing. though. Always thought that was a bit daft since early. My mum used to own a boutique and I wore a designer leather jacket to church and used to make it creak a little and be aware of its cool creak before l was ten.

(‘hristine (‘ameron nails it.

choice pleasantries of a minister who was not unknown to Margaret and her family. She describes Margaret how everyone remembers her and I look at all these people and feel like I might just have been as close as

them to her and I had only seen

At the reception is a man with bleeding hands. I mean Margot told me. I run about in her paddling pool. I ask the kids about the sandwiches. tell them the sunken bar in the hotel here used to be a pool. They have already

heard that.

I ask if Margot wants a pineapple juice and I get her a wine and she

says: ‘I want a hug from you.‘

To come in that end of town to meet the cashmere. I had taxied from


talking in the church after the multiple- sometimes

her twice in the last ten years. long time.


John Fardell

To accompanq our feature on Stand-Up Comedkfi , we bro/1g

I had taxied from the scene of the worst comedy performance in history

friend was in tonight. They have just come back from the first night. enjoying the surge in heights resolution of the previously unresolveds. The playwright tuned into the fact that.

after a funeral. things

seem supportable and you want to say things that you have felt deeply inside for a

I love my mum. She must have stayed at the reception and got pissed. Later I get a message. she's arguing with my

and the


the night. I found first the beach then a room above a nightclub with a jacuzzi and a bed with four posts. one at each comer. each with a bit of wood at the top connecting the posts at their equal tops.

My head took longer to fall all the way into the pillow than I did to fall asleep. for it was all chuffed up nicely. the pillow. with a fabulous density it was proud of.

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