the crode Giggle-o-meter Despite hrs youth. he's got a tongue like a right old bosorrr definitely at the razor-sharp Cutting edge of camp corrrody.

Age 41-: 8i 3:3

Biog The Useless Guide To Scot/arid duo have been guret since their Edinburgh Fringe outing. but their alternative look at Scottish culture 7:1, stor‘rcally exposes our nation's peculiarities with aploirrb. Forming as a duo for Fringe 98. UGTS gigs are rare. what with sport arc solo gigs and full-time career interests Bill as a "water

b >ss'. Bl‘létl' as a ‘.‘ir'iter.i

Career high Being accused of blaspherrry b3. three elderly ‘.'/()ll‘.(3ll in East Krlbrrde Arts Centre. So techrrrcally l'rn a heretic iii East Kilbrrdo. It was the worst show we ever did but it was also the funniest because mo and Brian .vore absolutely cacking ourselves backstago'

Humour snippet "lwo TV aerials got rrrarrred. Hit; cererriony wasn't very your. but the i'oceptron was great.' Giggle-o-meter A controversial 'lEtIlCl‘le treasure rnrriaturing with age.

Age 71“)

Biog ‘\."/lroii [.)t;rifer‘i'rlrrre's Steven Dick started out. he paras deterirrrned not to do niagrc in his stand up. Six months

and not too irrarry laughs later, this

irraster of illusiori got busy with his

16 THE LIST ' :' .i'rr'

wand and hasn't looked back. A regular of tho Stand's Surreal Crazy abaret. Dick has championed his own show Wr/d Wednesday in which he and Allan Miller as the Bushtucker Brothers arm to push the boundaries of common decency. Best put-down ‘The best one rs rust to shout: "Get out of here you homeless fuck." really loudly.’ Humour snippet 'I recently got rnarrred and she's a bit of a trophy wife. She's not pretty or anything. she's Just got huge ears and a big shiny face.’ Giggle-o-meter An imposing newcomer with more than a few tricks up his sleeve.

Age 28

Biog Took his first gig for a bet four years ago r‘Even my first gig was a paid one'r. spent a couple of years on the Scottish circuit then rrroved to London with Alan Miller and Jason Whitehead in 2000. Now a

regular on the UK scene. he reached the final of the Open Mic Awards 98 and has appeared in

sketch shows on Bravo.

BBC Choice and Radio Scotland.

Career high ‘Dorng the Comedy Store and not dying on my :trseK

Best put down Don't

shout out -- I'm not the telly' Humour snippet ‘My grarr's always moanrrrg: “Young men. they're not as polite as they

" Well they're not trying to fuck ya now are they?

used to be

What we say His blend of observational comedy and mimicry tell a few home truths ab0ut family life.

Age 39 Biog Swapping still-life classes for comedy workshops was an inspired move for the man from Edinburgh's Tollcross. His act is a parody of every hardman and Hibs casual he's had the fortune to come across. One third of

the Stand's Dark Side Of The Toon trio.

he knows all abOut Edinburgh's underbelly. and friend Irvine Welsh used his singing talents at the London launch of Glue.

Humour snippet ‘A chap bought a talking washing machine and he had it in the cupboard. and as he was sitting in the livrng room one night he heard it laughing. so he ran through and asked: “What are you laughing at?" And the washing machine said: "I'm taking the piss out the knickers".' Giggle-o-meter Begbie with a heart of gold. at self-(‘leprecatrng iniectiorr and a nice line in dodgy singalongs.

Age 25

Biog Another comedy convert thanks to the Stands workshops. Furby left acting school after being bitten by the stand-up bug. Four years later. and his childishly immature set has been honed to its full headline potential. and he's keen to be up there with the best. Career high ‘Srttrrrg in the back of a taxr with Johnny Vegas. very drunk. singing 'Desperz.rdo' by The Eagles' Humour snippet 'erly Bear walks into an old wild west saloon with his arm in a sling. walks up to the bar and says: “I'm looking for the man who shot my i_)a'\.'-/".'

Giggle-o-meter A boyrshly likeable ol)sonrationalist you'll never want to grow old.

Age 38 Biog Mess with the woman at your peril. The fornrer East End of Glasgow landlady has a venom that could cut a grown man to shreds and reduce a ro0m to weeping weeping tears of laughter. that is. The one-time Jesters and Canvas hostess has taken her act to London. New Zealand. Australia. Las Vegas and back again. With the opening of Jongleurs. Janey Will be

back in her local haunts. so expect cheek-cramping stints on open- rninded television and radio programmes.

Career high 'l had the best ever time in the New Zealand Laugh Festival 2001. My show sold out for two weeks there. Every night a man I still don't know piped me on. I hate the bagpipes too.‘

Giggle-o-meter A true ambassador for the comedy cause notoriously lacking in diplomacy.

Age Unknown.

Biog Being labeiled as the ladres' favourite has done no harm to Joe Heonan's bank balance. A self— confessed advertising i.-./hore. Joe's cheeky grin and irreverent humour have been used to plug everything from The Scottish Sun to the Bank of Scotland. A runner—up in So YOu Thrrrk You're