v THE insist;

I Catholics are up in arms about a whole load of shit. The shit in question is part of an art exhibit in Napa. California where food and wine museum Copia is displaying ceramic figurines depicting the pope, nuns and angels deflcating. The 35 figurines. which also feature Uncle Sam. are squatting on glass shelves beneath which are bed pans and chamber pots. William Donohue. president of the New York-based Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights. has criticised the work of Spanish artist Antoni Miralda. saying: ‘When it's degrading. everybody knows it except for the spin doctors who run the museums.‘ The museum responded by saying the display shouldn't be taken too literally. Museum spokeswoman Holly Krassner added: “It's perfect for a food exhibit because it shows the process.‘ Ha. very good.

I Insider unearthed another story about a daft overreaction to an art exhibition in America. Actually. this one's quite sinister. Early in the morning last November. two large men wearing suits and carrying leather ponfolios visited the Art Car Museum in Houston. Texas. Half an hour before it opened the men demanded entry. informing curator Donna Huanca they were FBI agent Terrence Donohue (there's that Irish name again) and Secret Service man Steven Smith. They'd had reports of ‘anti-American activity’ within the exhibition. ‘Secret Wars’ is an anti-war show that was commissioned before 1 I September. Huanca gave the G- men a tour of the exhibition. Imagine the scene: a small

6 THE LIST 3t Jan—‘4 Feb 2332

Hispanic woman asking if the artists were familiar; a pair of hulking. straight-laced Suits replying with questions and note taking ('Where were the artists from? Why is the Houston skyline burning in that painting? Where did Huanca go to school? Who funded the exhibition?) Huanca has said: “It was scary because I was alone. and they were really big guys.‘ Assholes. more like. Here's to McCarthyism all over.

I They get worse. The UK pet care agency Cat Protection is celebrating its 75th anniversary by launching ‘Curl Up With Your Cat Day' on 6 May. Cat lovers everywhere are expected to mark the day by relaxing with their pets. According to Cat Protection. the day ‘will help us to discover that we are ‘fe-line great'. The agency wants us to celebrate ‘puss power’. and it's thought up 75 reasons to do so. including: 'lt’s calming. joyful. pleasurable - and free!‘ and ‘You COuld enjoy better sleep with puss than your partner.’ Give Insider a break! 'Fe-line great"? Jesus on his bike. Actually. and to be fair. Insider remembers an occaSion as a child lazy Sunday morning snuggled in bed. as I recall when pet cat Ben began cleaning his paws before mOving smoothly

)4 A


onto Insider's head with his old rough tongue. Really quite pleasant head massage. Needed a shower later. though.

I Undeterred by their lack of a record label. spunky pop trio Snow Patrol have been invited to soundtrack a fashion show in Brazil. Designers Marcello & Laurenzo have asked the band to record a fifteen-minute version of their track ‘Black And Blue' for them which will be the musical backdrop for the show in Sao Paolo in the spring.

I Insider notices it was another successful week for two dimensional popstars no. not Dildo. erm Dido as Gorilla: scooped six Brit Awards nominations. The cartoon quartet have burned E signs in A&R men's eyes and so no less than three other ‘virtual‘ popstars are mooted to be in the pop pipeline. One is from lardy pop svengali Tom Watkins. whom you w0uld think w0uld be sick of handing flat pop puppets with no personality after managing the likes of Bros and East 17.

I Finally. a word on John McGrath. playwright. filmmaker and founder of 7:84 Theatre Company. who died at the end of January. If it was only for his seminal play The Cheviot, The Stag And The Black, Black Oil and his classic collection of polemical essays A Good Night Out. he would be remembered for his fundamental influence on Scottish and British theatre. But the legacy of this warm. passionate and intelligent man. creative to the last. extends so much further. He is sadly missed. See Theatre. page 55.


‘He brings me more enjoyment than any amount of diamonds or outfits could ever do. He farts, he snores and he poos in front of famous people, but I wouldn’t swap him.’ Louise Redknapp sings the praises of Winston (her fat bulldog) not Jamie (her footballing husband).

‘Gay culture has to wake up to intimacy because sex isn’t shocking any more.’

Boy George clear/y prefers love to a cup of tea these days.

‘He’s just a nutcase.’

Henry Cooper’s verdict on Mike Tyson after the former heavyweight champion braw/ed with Lennox Lewis as they ‘pub/icised' their future bout.

‘I heard that song, “Sing, sing sing, sing, sing, sing”. It’s not exactly John Lennon, is it?’ Pop Idol judge Simon Cowe/l tears into Travis.

‘To stop me making films, they’ll have to shoot me.’ After recent efforts Hannibal and Black Hawk Down, Ridley Scott may soon find a queue of gun-toters at his door.

‘In a perfect world, the date would be July 2002.’

J. K. Rowling's publishers Bloomsbury tease fans over the imminent (or otherwise) release of Harry Potter 5.

‘I sometimes feel they should just burn them all and start anew.’

Sean ‘thank god they don’t make ‘em like they used to' Penn lets rip on Hollywood classics.

‘If only l’d known, I’d have done it much


Hal/e Berry believes

baring her breasts in

Swordfish has done her

career unto/d good.

All Halle breaks loose