(Carmela) and a bari(iana-Wielding Steven Van Zandt lSiIVIo).

It may not be as good as the real thing. but it's enough to appease the capos till season four. (Brian Donaldson)


8801, Sun 17 Feb, 9pm 000

Three words: a female Cracker. Loosely based on the books of Dylan Jones. this first episode has the ever excellent Daniela Nardini as Natalie Vine. a high- profile crime j_)sychologist who is called in to find out if the last victim of a female serial killer is still alive. inside a high security mental institute she tries to get through to Rachel Selby (Anastasia Hillei. the exercise obsessed child murderer who procured her victims through posing as a social worker.

What could have been a fascinating \.'.ra|lo\.'-./ in the grim machinations of our underfunded crime and mental health institutions is instead turned into a dreany sideshow as Vine pours out endless exposition to her psychiatrist mentor Hal ipoor old Leslie Phillips) who seems to be somewhere in her subconscious. lalk about having no f'aith in an audience's intelligence.

Director Suri Krishnamma does novxever manage to inject a dreamy Lynchian ‘eel to the pi'o(;(-2e(lings. Rroiviisiitg if a iittle clunky. iPaul Dale)


THE VICE Scottish, Mon 18 Feb, 9pm 00.

‘~//e do like our telly coppers to be borderline psychotic 'lilél‘.’(3."l(,‘k8'. don't we? Vi/hy go around doing things by The book .‘vhen you can blunder in. bending

Anita Roddick. make-up artists and gals who just love slapping it on). we're taken on a trip from animal testing right through to anti-wrinkle cream. Hearing how people gleefully sunbathed, blissfully unaware of skin cancer or speculation that Liz Hurley became the face of Estee Lauder because of her resemblance to the company owner's late wife makes for an entertaining social investigation.

Our final destination is with a group of ladies getting toxins injected into their foreheads aka the botox party. As they sip champagne it becomes clear that the future of cosmetics might just be Surgical rather than encased in a compact.

(LOuisa Pearson)

prevent the whole thing slipping into parody. But really. isn't it time someone wrote a cop drama that was. you know. original?

(Doug Johnstone)

relationships was the most devilish thing about him? Of c0urse. there are many Crowley acolytes who believe that he was deserving of the title Beast of Boleskine aka The Wickedest Man in the World. Which seems faintly ridiculous as. on this documentary’s eVIdence. there's little proof that he actually caused much physical harm: though. the odd goat may bleat objections.


Before you say: ‘What. a programme about lipstick?“ remember that the cosmetics industry is a multi-million dollar one With endless facets to explore. You might even say that squeezing the story so much means you end up With a highly watchable potted history Without getting to the heart of any of the issues.

rules. acting on hunches. roughing up nasty criminals and smoking fags in moody lighting?

The Vice. now in its fourth series. is essentially more of the same. with Ken Stott playing the obligatOry wild card in the police pack. Inspector Pat Chappel. On his last warning from stuffed shirt Superiors when are they not?:. Chappel tries to solve a series of

Like many mad geniuses. Crowley died virtually alone. having burned his bridges and blown his cash. With a

DOCUMENTARY . prostitute murders in the few OUIja board stag usual. getting- nights and exuberant personally-involved- ALEISTER orgies to his name. when-you~shouldn't kind CROWLEY Narrated by Brian Cox of way. Channel 4, Tue 19 Feb, lafter Jim Carrey. Surely It's all very slick. with a 10pm 00. the fav0urite to play him

tigjlit s;(:rij)t Elli(l s;()iii(> /ippy direct:on. and the performances throughout show just about enough restraint ionly barely in the case of the morose Stott) to

in any Hollywood biopic). the scariest thing about Crowley is the documentary lTlUSlC and his wildly unshaven believers.

(Brian Donaldson)

Was Ateister Crowley a sinister prophet of doom? Or a spoilt rich kid who grew up to be a spoilt rich man whose ability to ruin

lvlixuig news footage with |l‘.l(}l\’l(3‘.‘.’S imodels.

COMLDY Si Rll S SHOOTING STARS 8802, Mon 18 Feb, 9.30pm 0...

With Alan Partridge set to pull on the sports casual wear again and Oz and co saying Auf Wiedersehen, Pet to more unsuspecting nations, 2002 could be the year of the TV comedy comeback. And now Vic and Bob are putting the disappointment of straight-ish acting behind them (Randall And Hopkirk), returning to the show which many argue has provided their best moments.

However, with the absence of the 505 throwback Mark Lamarr (you have to wonder if his flatter, less glistening look these days has something to do with the constant baiting from Reeves and Mortimer), they have given themselves fresh fodder to direct their silliness at. And in the shape of Will Self and Johnny Vegas, they have picked two blokes who will be game up to a certain point; though you can imagine Vegas sooner or later throwing his pint of ale over Mortimer's head and Self chucking a linguistic trope or two towards Vic’s mind.

Some things, of course, refuse to change. Ulrika still takes the whole thing far too seriously, Matt Lucas goes that extra misnomer mile and Reeves attempts to over-ingratiate himself upon the female guests (Jordan, Gail Porter, Nell McAndrew are his first three victims).

Fortunately, the whole thing still works and highlights from the first few programmes include Self’s sole exchange with team-mate Jordan; Larry Hagman’s bemusement at the whole proceedings generally, and Johnny Vegas in particular; and 3 Carry On recreation in which Will Self brilliantly plays Bernard Bresslaw. Quite strange. (Brian Donaldson)

Vic and Bob come back to what they know


A Wise man once described his idea of hell as being trapped at a soft focus dinner party with Nigel Havers and the Gold Blend couple. i hope that chap doesn't have the misfortune to stumble across Marie/ii/d. which unites Havers. Anthony Head (he of the borrowed coffee). Don Warrington and Ray Burdis as a quartet of affluent (10- something lotharios on the pull.

Essentially a Superannuated Sex And The City minus the stilettos (not to mention the laughs). Our heroes cruise from swanky bar to sauna and on to exclusive restaurant. their charm. experience and money prowng irresistible to all they encounter.

‘A handsome. wealthy. middle-aged man is a shag waiting to happen.’ claims Havers. all eyebrows and smirk as the narrator. Clearly the joke is meant to be on these agemg smoothies. desperately clinging to their youth. but the script is so crass and sexist that the whole thing ends up looking ridiculous and very. very dated. iAllan Radcliffe)


Witness: Is This It? rChanne/ 4, Sat 76 Feb. 8pm) Cynical stand-up Sean Lock searches for the meaning of life,

The Brit Awards 2002 (Scottish. Thu 2] Feb. 8pm) Presenters Zoe Ball and Frank Skinner help hand out the music gongs.

Jackass i’Chanrief J, Fr: 22 Feb. .7 i.25prii) C4 debut of insane prankster Johnny KnocksVille.

Charmed Channel 5. Sat 23 Feb. 6.50prrii Return of supernaturai series.

attachments (BBCZ. Tue 26 Feb. 9pm) The dot.com drama logs on again.

' .I‘tl f ct: .K‘t‘.‘ THE LIST 105