The Front
THE Who’s getting up to what
I In honour of the publication of the food bible that is The List's Eating And Drinking Guide. Insider would like to open this column with a food- related story. Perhaps yOu read about the US military boffins who have invented a sandwich which has a shelf life of three years. This tough bread- meat-bread combo can withstand not only sweaty soldier deep pockets. but extremes of cold and heat (the latter might well be found in those same pockets). No doubt. such a sandwich would make that old military horror powdered eggs seem like a Culinary masterpiece. All of which got Insider thinking about weird people who like crap food. For example. those travellers who look forward not to sun. sand and sea but airline food. Small plastic trays with plastic cutlery and even more plastic meals Cunnineg disguised as pasta swiggles sans sauce. Mmm. Not. Of cOurse. Insider has a favourite: TV dinners. A kind of development of the airline meal. TV dinners comprise multi- compartment plastic trays with plastic cutlery and a selection of plastic food stuffs. Mmm. Yes. Perhaps those not impressed by the 800 plus restaurants reviewed in the Eating And Drinking Guide might care to hop on a cheap flight to Luton or Stanstead or switch on the TV and dine in delight.
I Would you take on The Incredible Hulk? Swap blows with the green behemoth whose strength is as limitless as his anger? Insider neither. but there are those who would. If you're one of them (and you happen to be in San Francisco this month) you might want to sign up as an extra on Ang Lee's film of the comic. which is about to begin shooting any day now. Beau Bonneau casting is looking for extras to wear army uniforms and be beaten to a pulp. Sign up at: SFCastingcom
I Did you know that Insider grew up in America's Mid-West? Yep. InSider's practically a redneck. A news story prompted Insider to recall those halcyon days. and particularly nights. spent watching movies in drive-ins. Just you. your car. either your pals and a six pack or your girl and another kind of six pack. and a movie. usually of the Z-grade horror variety. So it just tickled Insider pink to hear news of a new film-going phenomenon to emerge in California: the guerilla drive-in. Last month a film was projected onto the painted back wall of a food store just off Sunset strip in Hollywood. The audience was given the whereabouts of the proposed screening site via a website. They turned up and hung about for a while and then the ‘projectionist' arrived with a car boot full of electronic
8 THE LIST 25 Apr—9 May 2002
A strapping portrait of the late Eric Morcambe
A scene from the hilarious Carry On Gallaghers
gadgets and proceeded to screen his own movie. 72. The setindtrack to the film was transmitted via a pirate signal picked up on the car radios. It's enormously ironic that these guerrilla screenings shOuld take place in the western world's Cinema capital. And it's interesting to see that the films being shown are no longer The Gore- Gore Girls. Miss Nymphet's Zap-ln and other Herschel. Gordon LeWis trash classics. but experimental films made by passionate filmmakers. The drive-in phenomenon never caught on in cold old Scotland. but perhaps some enterprising local filmmakers ‘.‘/l|l go buy a few cans of white paint and plaster the back of a Supermarket.
THE QUOTES
‘I could play 5000
drug addicts and
I’d still be known as Mrs Corset Queen.’
Helena Bonham-Carter on the Curse of typeci'isting.
‘I enjoy sitting in my shed with the worms and writing music.’
Sushi/ Dade aka Future Pilot AKA reveals why he turned down the chance to play bass on the Kylie tOur.
‘All my married friends are now gratifyingly fucked up.’ Hugh Grant in praise of the Single life.
‘My mum, my nan and best friend will be there for me. My dad wanted to be there but I told him “no men”.’ Jordan makes gender demands of those present when she gives birth.
‘There are a few tabloid journalists I could mention. Some of them don’t deserve to live. And Robert Mugabe. There you go, put him down.’
Elton John reveals some Victims of the fantasy killing game he plays at home With friends.
‘I would go in a second. I’d be the first actor in space and I’d love to do it.’
Tom Cruise Wl/I go anywhere to get away from Nicole and Penelope.
‘Any film which has Richard Whiteley of Countdown as one of its stars can’t be accused of compromising.’ Nick Hornby reacts to critiCism that his script for Abbi/t A Boy has been tailored for an American audience.
‘Boo hoo!! Waaah!!! Sniff.’ Cal/sta Flockhait reacts to the aXi/ig ofAi'ly it/cheal.
I If. like Insider. yOu are even more passionate about Carry On films than you are airline food or drive—in lllO‘.’IC-}S. yOu might want to get yOLirself down to the Victoria Bar. the Brigate. near the Clyde in Glasgow where a fella called Jeremy Donald is putting on an exhibition. Holding down a day job. by night Donald oil paints portraits of Carry On stars: Barbara Windsor. Frankie Howerd. et al. and others such as Eric Morcambe and Oasis. And get this. by day Donald works in a strapping factory. Ooo- er. Insider has no idea what is achieved in a strapping factory. but is very much enjoying entertaining at number of naughty mind's eye images. Oh, lsay.