The Front


JOHN OUIGLEY, chef and owner of Ouigley’s restaurant in Glasgow selects the five most memorable meals he has cooked for famous rock stars in various spectacular and exotic locations around the world.

1 Avocado sandwich Prepared for Bryan Adams in the galley of Concorde.

2 Burger and chips Cooked for Tina Turner in the kitchens of Palais de Versailles.

3 Xmas dinner BBQ On a deserted island somewhere in the South China Seas for Bryan Adams and Shania Twain.

4 Cheese omelettes and houlefrles Made for Guns N’ Roses on a Navaho reservation in Monument Valley.

5 Tea and crumpets For the Bee Gees on the eastern Orient Express.

JOHN PATERSON, co-owner and head piercer of Nirvana Body Piercing Studio, the home of piercing and body jewellery

in Glasgow, pulls out a needle and pin points his five must haves for a happy life.

1 Ines Paterson My daughter. Eight months old and great.

2 Dads Army Perfect comedy. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

3 Ford Mustang (1965-66) Design classic from Mr Lee Ioccoca.

4 Easdale Island, Scotland Home of the World Stone Skimming Championships. The year’s winner?

5 No mobile phone People who can survive quite happily without unnecessary mobile phones.

FREE Fooo or LoVE

You’ve been taken to a new restaurant by a hot date. They’re picking up the tab. But how swanky is this joint? How much, in other words, does your lover think you’re worth? The clues are all around: just check out the restaurant’s free stuff.


1 Amaretti biscuits

A fashionable freebie in the classier Italian restaurants until about ten years ago when everyone suddenly noticed that they taste like cardboard and aren’t a patch on a packet of Hobnobs. Sorry, you're in yesterday's restaurant. And that’s yesterday's lover. vv

2 Hot towel

You might be impressed that the staff have got nothing better to do than stick wet flannels in the microwave, but it could be because they’ve seen the state of hygiene in the Iavvies. More likely your date is both loaded and a pretentious twat. vvvv

3 Matches

It is a truth universally acknowledged that no one has ever used a restaurant match to actually light something. They are, however, a sign of an enterprising management: so you’re either in the city's most happening place or in a ghastly multinational chain. vvvv

4 Crayons Your escort wants babies. Lots of them. Now. .0

5 Bread sticks

Seems like a good idea at the time, but remember. they don’t go stale as fast as bread. so you‘re most likely the first diner they’ve had all week. Question your partner’s motives. vvo

6 Bread

A free bowl of bread is a sign of a high-class gaff. It might only cost the owner 3p a time, but it makes you feel loved. But don’t leap to conclusions. If the bread keeps coming, they’re covering up for the anorexic food. Give your date the benefit of the doubt. vvvv

7 Condoms Two possibilities: you‘re a gay man and your waiter thinks you and your companion are a perfect match; or you’re eating in Japan where they’re convinced westerners are at it like rabbits. Either way, the food will not have been the evening’s highlight. v.

8 Olives

Chances are you’re in a seriously first-rate place: keep that lover on board. But careful: olives are perilously close to actual food and it might just mean the chef’s on holiday and it’ll be two hours before you‘re served. vvvvv

9 Toffees

Spot the odd one out: fine dining; cordon bleu; nouvelle cuisine; Michelin stars; toffees. Call off that relationship now. v

WHATUD You THiN K7" "v'Tg'Mggm

"1 ‘l. - A'exaT‘d'a ii I- 5;“ Mark Patricio Nicole """"' Ticketing ~ ' Student snide”? snide”; i . COnsu/mnt I thought it was I think it's a mrx l llked It. I WaSn'l

It was very funny. beautiful. of happiness. DreDafed for funny the way sad. It didn't sadness and fee'mg enlOIIOF‘a‘ the guys spoke make any nonsense. though- " W85 to one another. sense. but fUll'l‘y‘ ‘00- but '1 I'd definitely then, neither made YOU mmk- reCOrr"r‘.(-2n(l it. does life. really.

8 THE LIST 25 Apr—9 May 2002