MUM’S THE WORD Re: Comedy (issue 438)

Hey you. what '8 the script? The 'matronly Marjorie'! l'll matronly ye! What were you thinking? W0uld you bill Stephen Hawking as the ‘spastic Stephen Hawking'. ya tawtie? Listen here. I'm sure this was just a wee error. I'm sure you didn't mean matronly.

Dictionary definition: matron n. 1) A married woman regarded as staid or dignified. 2) A woman in charge of the domestic or medical arrangements in an institution. 3) US a wardress in a prison.

For 1) I'm a singlet; for 2) I wasn't even allowed to be in charge of my own pencil in the institution; and for 3) I've never held an audience captive in my life (a point many of my colleagues will be only too happy to confirm).

I'm sure yOu must have meant some other word beginning with ‘ma'. like say: mattress n. 1) A large pad with strong cover. filled with straw. foam rubber. etc. and often incorporating coiled Springs; 2) A woven mat of brushwood. poles. etc. used to protect an embankment. dyke. etc. from SCOUT.

While I've never actually had a coil myself, I can confirm that l have on occasion felt protective to embankments and the odd dyke often clinging to them for dear life. while fOrtified with fine wines. trying hard not to fall in but that was way back in the 70s. (And I never inhaled).

So stop calling me matronly. YOU make me sound like Mother Meela. the hugging. ‘living saint'. Mud sticks: so think on. Don't be so heartless. Marjorie via email (How about ‘mumsy'? Ed)


Re: Braving the elements (issue 439)

Please. please don't support ventures like the Phoenix Contemporary Gallery and its

2 THE LIST {L213 May 2002

React, The List,

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abstract art to match your cushions nonsense. It's completely soulless and the art equivalent of walking into a record shop and requesting the pan pipes version of Definitely Maybe.

Jude MacLaverty

via email


Just thought I‘d write in advance to say I hope I can count on your fine publication not adding to the misery that is created every four years by the media. I‘m talking about the World Cup of course. What is it about this event that turns normal people into obsessed maniacs? Offices pin sweepstake charts on the wall. national pride becomes acceptable and coverage of the arts usually goes out the window.

Surely the fact that Scotland isn‘t even in the competition will act as a reminder to the media that there are those of us who don‘t actually want to understand the offside rule. Please List. keep my faith that there is life beyond football by resisting the urge to talk about Beckham's foot.

Lynn Cormack via email


Re: 18 (issue 439)

Mark Fisher's on the nose when he writes of Moby's new long player: “Should you get it? Let's face it: you won't be able to escape it.‘ This is my fear. I already hate the extraordinarily wankin-titled ‘We Are All Made Of Stars'. and I imagine the small baldy will release each and every other track from the album as singles. ensuring peeple that don‘t like rank music are stuffed.

Michael Melville

Leith, Edinburgh


Re: Gratuities not expected (issue 439)

Congratulations on your news piece. It shed some light on the

appalling pay situation in some restaurants/bars. After recently working at a well known Edinburgh West End restaurant as a waitress. l was horrified to earn $32 per hour and then have my credit card tips taken by the company to make up my minimum wage of $24.10. My horror manifested when l was forced to pay for customers who walked out without paying their bills. The job ended up costing me more than I was earning.

Name withheld


SINGULAR OPINION Re: Singles Night (issue 439) I've never been prompted to exercise my right to reply to a review before. However. Steve Cramer's take on Becoming by Kathy McKean reads not as a review but as an insult and since he chooses to draw me into his article. I must respond.

Quite simply his ‘review' is a shining example of sloppy. shallow and unimaginative journalism. Not only is his comparison of Ms McKean's writing to my own grossly unfair to this young writer staging her first play. it also displays at best a limited understanding and at worst a staggering ignorance of my work.

His curt and dismissive treatment of her intelligent. stylistically challenging piece is thankfully not repeated in the majOrity of the Scottish media. nor is it the response of several major theatrical agents. the Traverse and the Royal Court theatres.

I feel particularly disappointed in Cramer as he was well- acquainted with the context of this piece: a showcase for new writers. Whether he liked or disliked the play is not the issue: rather. it is a pity he couldn't give Becoming the consideration he showed to the other more established artists also showcased. I can only then ccnclude that this is a critic flexing his muscles at the expense of a vulnerable.

emerging talent; that's well beneath a man of his knowledge and experience.

To any intelligent theatregoer. a critic's unqualified damnation of a piece of work should be just as unacceptable as his/her unqualified praise. In this case. it's useless both to the playwright and to the readers of this publication. Come on. List. we expect better from you.

Nicola McCartney (artistic director, IookOUT Theatre Company)

via email


Re: Kenny’s ire land

(issue 439)

Steve Cramer's interview with Kenny Ireland is one of the funniest things I've ever read in The List. ‘l'm watching his right hand.‘ writes Mr Cramer. ‘I figure if he swings for me he‘ll never get a clear shot. but I can land a straightish right uppercut on his chin without much backlift.’

A Chandleresque encounter. indeed. You've got some great writers at The List. Steve Cramer is certainly among them.

Art Taylor via email


Re: Turn up for the book (issue 439)

These crazy. anonymous Missing Presumed Found people, previously known for leaving empty books around Glasgow, have sent us this:



Publisher & General Editor Robin Hodge Editor Mark Fisher


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Clubs Henry Northmore (with Johnny Regan) Comedy Maureen Ellis Comics Miles Fielder Dance Kelly Apter

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Music Mark Robertson (with Norman Chalmers. Carol Main. Kenny Mathieson & Fiona Shepherd) Shopping Leuisa Pearson Television Brian Donaldson Theatre Steve Cramer Travel LOuisa Pearson Video/DVD Miles Fielder