Rear'vi'ew "

Phil Kay

After the tone leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you

f you wish to leave a message do so now after the tone which you are about to hear has been heard by you then heard to have ceased.

Let yourself flow off the top of the falls from that last bit of normal river and into the hushed abyss bowing. untroubled like the water. There will be a point when you have heard it. There will be a short pause where you verify the silence by experiencing it for a second. letting it exist. then you will inhale slightly and speak. Then the silence will end as you hear yourself speak.

If after hearing yourself. you were put off and feel that maybe the message wasn't your best. could be refined. re-dictated. improved. made better and you want to go through this whole ‘re-shoot~ thing —'this time it‘s gotta work'. cold-sweat. over- budget direction then lire away.

Press one if you wish to re-record your message. (lo on. see if it works: this whole idea that you could possibly want to rework a message. because how can it be wrong'.’ If you have not the information. you call back when you do. Otherwise it‘s like meeting someone in a bar and then saying could you go outside and do it again.

Press eight if the whole thing smacks a bit of a room full of folk coming up with ideas. Anything to get clients to sign tip. They've come up with this new corker which four maniac actors will benefit from: comfort from the possibility the safety net of being able to do it again.

Press nine if you think that the possibility of being able to re-record was responsible for the feeling of the first message not being good enough. .

So leave a message after that tone you know. the one there are no

It’s like meeting someone in a bar and then saying could you

go outside and do it again

options for yet. It is simply that tone. Leave a message and if you wish to re-record it after all that has been said. then press one. Just don't think you can delete it from your own memory. Leave a message and if one is pressed. re-record.

If you have another band. press the star button now. you are a star. Well done. Though when you had the phone away from your ear for those seven-eighths of a second. we made fun of you.

If you are a star get someone to press the key for you to make sure you miss nothing when the phone is away from the ear.

If you have ever got stoned enough to play a miniature game of noughts and crosses on the hash key press on. my friend. press on.

If you have a touchtone phone pad and have ever used that phrase in real life I am impressed.

Please listen to all the options being spoken before pressing the button because we read your predicative pressing as an error: Yes. the machines you created to take care of your own predicted needs are now dictating from those learned patterns back to you in some tiny hand-held pocket Frankenstein nightmare fashion.

If you are calling from one of those other

dialling pads the old style circular windy clockwise ones where dialling took as long as one could bear and each time a miniature tragedy of waiting for the return and the buying that didn‘t feel right and it came like a sundial and re-doing wrong mobile numbers and forgetting where you were were hard to bear well at least be thankful it is not relying on you conforming to researched patterns of behaviour.

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