Rear view _ Phil Kay

people. of the possibility of love being in your life becoming as distant as

An actor’s life imagined the ship you have just walked the plank off of. And now. as loye of himself fades. he can‘t find loye and no one can really loye him because he starts magine fora moment being an actor. A male TV actor. An out of work to dislike people who like him because their low intist be false. one who can‘t get work and really hasn‘t ever. There was the time he He takes to hanging otrt the back of a sports clubjust to see women come dressed up as a Weetabix for a conference and the part of a sidekick in otit with slightly rosy cheeks from the hideous creaky silence of his parked some very late Bergerac two—episoder yet they cut most of that out car. Soon he sees a lady he loves and longs for and then tries to bundle her in anyway. fucking linglish editom'ankers. the back of a rental yan. It all goes wrong and she dies. At this level. out of work actors are in a strange position because. as A few days later he gets a call from his agent for a definite acting job - well as being between parts. they are also between rejections. they need an answer now -r doing a murder reconstruction film for

('rimeii'un'li ( ’K. His murder. He accepts. ()n set he does very well and helps the director and is commended for his He cleyer ideas of where the they can’t tell him because maybe just maybe there killer might haye perhaps will be someone a bit better forthern in next. K. Of a parked and how he came Keeping their emotional options open: ~ I y‘ g Sports just to choose her and whether restricting natural feeling. ' *«L " he might always have

By now. he hates these things and they don’t , _ if ' i. to see wom_en come in the same car or - . l ~ come out w'th had an excuse he may liaye

giyen when challenged. from inside. he is able to giyc away clues that he knows are vital to the incident though will not lead the police to him. He feels an unusual heat in his belly.

Soon he gets a fair amount of work both as an actor and a consultant on further reconstruction shoots. mostly for crimes he has committed. llis crimes are serialised in reconstruction. weekly. Soon he needs a break. takes a holiday and while there walking on the dusky (ireek harbourside

falls in loye.

The way you get work is by going to an audition. lle digs from himself to let them see how good he is at acting and they more or less immediately make up their mind in the first seconds. And even if they do want him

like him being there. He hasn‘t had a part for ages and yet they still have to see every one. Maybe those failings and frailties will have given him something extra they can use. So he has to hold close all the bad feelings like the Method method. Now he turns tip at auditions and people stop talking. Their grace and embarrassment hang in the air like damp laundry in the morgue at night with the windows open.

He starts to low himself less. Starts a bit to feel scorn for those that are technically still feeling just pity for him.

Soon that too ceases and they feel your burning hatred for the death of empathy and the chasrns between


John Fardell

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128 THE LIST 5- 13) Sup you?

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