The Front


God’s gift to home improvements?

Open all ours

r atria

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Flat—pack religion

So the lkea catalogue now officially shifts more copies than the Bible. You sad, sad people. Words: Paul Dale ne of my earliest memories of school is being given a copy of the (inml News Bible. You remember that‘s the one with all the hippie line drawings and deconstructed fundamentalism. l was told to bring the Bible back the next day with paper wrapped around it to protect the precious gift.

My mother is of Austro-llungarian. devoutly (‘atholic extraction. She and I spent that evening racking through the wallpaper samples to find something fitting. There was going to be no brown-paper-bag-minimalist Protestant-style- affair Bible leaving in my school bag the next day. that was for sure. We settled on a lime green and mustard vertical flock paper that ensured l was bullied and excluded from most social groupings for the next few years. I was. however. immenser proud of that Bible. and today it still winks out at me from my bookcase. the old paper slowly splitting up the spine.

My childhood faith has long since waned much to my mother’s chagrin but that old Bible anchors me in a way few books can. This vulgar coloured tome reminds me of the basic tenets of most religions: treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. love is generally better does than hate and that the few true moments of bliss in life come from the spiritual. not from the financial.

OK it‘s a slightly cheesy simplification. Offer us, but what are the alternatives‘.’ Flicking a art from through an lkea catalogue and wondering p how I can furnish my house to make it look overt like everyone else's‘.’ Investinv rare emotion " I' in pasta machines and Swedizh sofas while mater!a '8'“

a cold futility and disaffection eats its way dlseases into the hearts of my family and friends? soul?

Christian. Muslim. Judaic. Hindu or '

Buddhist faiths are far from the answers to

everyone's problems. but their core texts do at their very heart work on assumptions that human frailty. love and selfeffacing kindness can really be the only true rewards in a fairly pointless world. What does the lkea catalogue offer us. apart from overt materialism that diseases the soul and leads to spiritual bankruptcy“?

Decorate your home however you want. lead your life however you want just don't tell me you will still be stroking the faded paper on the front of an old lkea catalogue in 20 years’ time. Or maybe you will be wondering why you never went to your own father's funeral and why none of your old friends seem to call round anymore. which is a good job really because you simply don’t have the time. what with all those out-of-town trips to the palace of blue and canary yellow.


1 Sweet Sixteen

Film Ken Loach’s tragi-comic drama about a Greenock teenager’s efforts to make a better life for him and his ma went down a storm in Cannes. Gritty but great. See feature and review, pages 14 and 28. General release.

2 Death in Vegas

Music Incendiary electro-rock from the boys Fearless and Holmes as they summon merry hell with tracks from Scorpio Rising. QMU, Glasgow.

3 AI Kennedy

Books lndelib/e Acts sees our favourite Dundonian making her mark once again on the literary landscape. Where's her Booker Prize, we wonder? See review, page 107. Cape.

4 Alaska

Clubs Alaska closes its doors after two years of hot Slam nights with Stuart and Orde ripping down its curtains. See preview, page 81. Alaska, Glasgow.

5 Calum Colvin

Art In Ossian: Fragments of Ancient Poetry. images are presented as if they are paintings, yet printed digitally onto canvas. A very clever man is our Cal. See preview page 93. Scottish National Portrait Gallery, Edinburgh.

6 Beth Orton

Music Frail she may be but with her new album Daybreaker, Orton proves she’s a contemporary heavyweight in the singer- songwriter field. Royal Concert Hall, Glasgow.

7 Daniel Kitson

Comedy Our favourite Yorkshire comic makes a swift return to the venue where he performed his Perrier-winning show, Something. Take him to your hearts before he jets off towards superstardom. See preview, page 76. Pleasance, Edinburgh.

8 The Delgados

Music Summer anthems, psychedelic grandeur and tender nursery rhymes help make the Glasgow band's latest a classic. Prepare to love Hate. See review, page 112. Mantra.

9 Six Stages

Theatre The cream of Canadian drama drops in with John Mighton’s quantum detective story Possible Worlds expected to be a highlight. See feature, page 12. Various venues, Glasgow.

1 0 My Little Eye

Film Is it Big Brother with a serial killer or Blair Witch in an old dark house. Whatever, it's a timely shock to the system for the horror genre. See preview and review, pages 26 and 29. Selected release.

3v if Oct 20 )2 THE LIST 9