The Front


MARTIN FREEMAN aka Tim from The Office, picks the five jobs he’d least like to do in the world.

1 Army I'm glad that people want to do it. I wouldn‘t want to be without one. but I just wouldn't be very good in it.

2 Office I wouldn't want to work in one. but most of the country does. That's no denigration on them.

3 Journalist leing to get straight answers out of people must be hard.

4 Stand-up comedian Half the people I know have done it, but it’s just too frightening.

5 Someone who works with gorillas Again, I'm very glad people want to do it. but I wouldn't trust a silverback gorilla as far as I could throw it.

AILEEN RITCHIE, writer, filmmaker and soap addict, searches through the suds and chooses her favourite soap characters.

1 Blanche, Coronation Street As Deirdre Rachid‘s mother she is more like her evil twin deprived of moisturiser. Her acidity is a breath of fresh air in the show at the moment.

2 Bobby Grant, Brookslde A rare example of a soap character with strong political beliefs. When producerstriedtosellwthewalkedofi.

3 Isobel Blair, High Road The heart and soul of High Road. The

quiet shopkeeper. Losing her was the beginning of the end.

4 Barry Evans, EastEnders The Willy Loman of the East End. Long after the villains have gone. he'll still be slogging away.



Britain’s cinematic champion of the working class, Mike Leigh, recently said he could never make any other kind of film. His James Bond, for example, would be ‘bollocks’. It’s an intriguing prospect, all the same. Just imagine Leigh regular Timothy Spall delivering the line: ‘The name’s Bond, James Bond.’ Pierce Brosnan is not going to be Bond forever, so try these cut-out and paste-on heads to determine his successor.

Martin Compston, . ~ A— star of Sweet r Sixteen

Well. he's another Scot ain't he?

I I Just like the l l |

original Bond. Were he still living. posh old Ian Fleming might , take exception to k his spy toff being played by a ned from Greenock. And the language would make the 4 1 st Bend the first to receive an 18 certificate. 'Tha name's Bond. Jimmy Bond. Ya wee cunt.‘

n 0& Steve Irwin, aka MW} “‘

the Crocodile h. I“ , \ Hunter They say . " ' ' Bond two. I f, George I Lazenby, was 7 a mistake. , Why not give another Aussie a ' shot. then? And

who better than Irwin? He does his ~ I own stunts and

everything. “The name's Bond. James Bond, mate. Now. that croc's looking a bit under the weather.‘ Cue helicopter chase with big lizard in tow.

Matt Damon/Ben Affleck Hollywood's best bosom Wn Diesel Bit hard to envisage the bald bruiser with a

5 Shawn" 30": River City buddies continue on parallel career paths and recently voice deeper than an ocean trench playing Bond. but mifglgkyetflft Egggizsrzfl)r2§:‘t'::d”‘Ch' they've both played Bond wannabes. Damon in The Bourne they say he's the new action hero. And. interestingly. clo'se Hes the ep‘itomo of a Int/entity and Affleck in The Sum ofA/l Fears. Maybe they just as Brosnan's Bond has reponedly given up vodka Glasgow ned. A“ Dome am brash could both play ()0 agents. Ah. but then they'd row over who in Die Another Day. so Diesel‘s dangerous spOrts guy- wrth a big heart. was ()07 and who was 008. 'Me.' “No, me.’ ‘No. me.’ Etc. Cum—spy abstains from alcohol in XXX.

Sweet Sixteen Cameo Cinema. Edinburgh

R0d Jane Charlie Ellen and ()f’f>.’f<>/<I Spam? Student Marian c’ectr‘Hn/ :rmur; worker Pretty Her/red. Olly/HOW Heall, harrownig (:x/rerria If it If; f}h(/'.'.’lll§) fantastic really fanatics

outside Scotland '3 needs wilt/l'tlém ‘trlt a great sense of

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It drove home the reality of how things are; \‘(ém l\‘l(l and bleak.

Itfill'lt). llf?£l‘."". :yxng; and

\ti‘l’, real.

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6 THE LIST at ()'.'. yon?