Rear view

Phil Kay

Here is the news

just got on with life. All this lighting seemed pointless and was making me sadder and sadder.’ A PR for tnarge issued this statement: ‘We accept this truce for what it is . . . and we are glad for the people of Britain to now know the trttth that margarine and the softer spreads haye something to offer that can neyer . . f and was then cut off in mid rant. Comedians thankfully stumped by City of God (‘omics used to getting laughs by referencing how shit they perceiye modern films to be haye been sttnnped to wring chuckles from a film

that deyastates the senses with - a litany of horrors and real Violence. much of it directed at and through children. A . spokesperson for the Stand said it was ‘confused by and was making me sadder and 5 sadder

Man eats own dinner A local man. depending on where you liye. ‘surely tnust have' eaten his own dinner last night in the area. A statistical suryey has not been ‘as yet undertaken'. according to a goyernmental spokesman in as close a related goyernment field as possible. speaking last week. He added: ‘(‘ome on. surely it mttst haye happened. It happens all the bloody time.‘

Scientists fail to actually put their finger on

it though they kind of all agree that you can be perfectly happy with whatever your kid chooses to wear

They added that panellists belieye espetts are right when they agreed with analysts saying that if the kid is old enough to choose. you should refrain from your own sartorial direction and not weigh down ‘their little shoulders‘ with your own worries and shame about combinations and ‘clash‘.

Meaning of life ‘puzzle’ solved by a new definition of the word ‘meaning’

Rather than going on and on about it ‘Why are we here'.". ‘What is it all about." et cetera experts at a conference at the [)aon resort deep inside the Swiss mountains concluded that it is the word ‘meaning‘ we should be focusing on. We will then see that it is species egocentricity that obscures any answer. We should just see the ‘meaning‘ as what is most important about the ttniyerse and life. It dawned on them that this. of course.

is simply our experience of it as a fortn of understanding. Butter and margarine end war: peace

spreads as rivals agree to accept their differences and varying appeals ._ A spokeswoman spoke for butter yesterday: ‘Wow. it is time w

John Fardel

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stispicious of' a film that afforded its stable of comedians no room for mirth and wondered at the motiyes of the Brazilian filmmakers. ‘Maybe we are being stretched beyond our form and it is a challenge to talk positiyely for a change] quipped one stand up. ‘Flags top polish pole poll.’ Headline admonished Yesterday in an uncharacteristic change of heart. The Dar/y 'li'lt'gmp/i admitted that it contriyed and conducted a poll of a hundred people in Plymouth jtist so it could then print this silly headline around a technical truth. The editor said: ‘()ften we bent shit around in a way that then makes it hold some interest for the reader. liyen if it is a wink of ftm in these troubled timesf

Feet responsible for almost all movement

Humans almost all use feet to propel themselyes and feet are inyolyed

in almost all moyement. Those that don‘t haye feet obyiously can’t use

them. ‘()ne just needs to look around to see this is true.’ said a spokesanalyst last night.

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Mafia, we‘re leaving... c owe OH, Jane.

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120 THE LIST .ja" 1:: int. x"

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