Rear view

housc and c\acuatc Britain. .-\l‘tcr si\ wccks thcy'd go: ‘What thc t‘uck's

going on'.’ (‘an w c lcay c'." Slowly. sonic priinitiy c cix ilisation instinct would

Telly addlCtS kick in whcn thcy rcalisc that physical \iolcncc was allow cd. You could slowly introducc hallucinogcns into thc watcr supply. start was askcd to do (‘t'lvln'ily I'mm' strut/mo: l turncd it down. purcly turning thc lights on and

hccausc I w asn‘t ayailahlc. l was askcd to hc in Dictionary (‘orncr on dcpri\ c thcni ot' slccp.

('ommlon'n. That would hayc hccn an intcrcsting onc. considcring I'm 'l'hcn. al‘tcr thcy ’\ c hccn dyslcxic. l hayc a sclli—dcstruct strcak that tnakcs inc want to acccpt through that ordcal. and cycrything l'ni otl'crcd. Bollocks to actually hcing any good. It's not that I‘m nohody had watchcd it.

against it. it'sjust l lind it quitc odd. It's Iikc going into a hutchcrs and sccing thcy 'd rcalisc it had all sornconc hutchcring. and thcn giying than a job as a haml-to-hand closc hccn in min. 'l'hcy 'd contact lightingopcratiyc. rcalisc thc ultilnatc

'l'hcrc arc 'l‘V' pcoplc who arc truth: that it's pointlcss.

paid to conic up with idcas. Most Rcality TV shows arc pcoplc liayc an idca and follow it _ ()p/mrumily Killtt'lm for thc through. You‘rc sitting in thc housc. currcnt agc. In 30 ycars' tiinc.

thcsc pcoplc will lill Blackpool.

you think you might buy sonic Id-

wclding gcar and go out and build a Kcith Harris and ()r\ illc won't htg tron gu'allc. But thcrc s only a a stn'ylyc lorcy cr: (narcth (natcs and ccrtain amount ol tdcas you can \\i||\oung can takcthcirplacc.

cotnc up with hcl'orc your (iarcth (latcs is thc purcst form of

judgcnicnt turns in on itscll' and crap 'l'\'. A man who is a hugc star without intplodcs. lt's likc trying to inycnt cycr haying to spcak. llc cxists purcly as

dillcrcnt typcs of hats. 'l'V pcoplc an itnagc. Jordan says shc has cyidcncc arc thc cntcrtaintncnt industry‘s Version of inillincrs. Bcl'orc you know it. thcy slcpt togcthcr and that's cyidcncc l'd you'yc got big town-cricr hats with sltlll hanging off thc sidc. and that's likc to scc. ll' thcy produccd an offspring it what Rolml Him is. wouldn‘t cxist. It would hc horn a conccpt. Actually. Ru/ml Him is a rcally good idca for a TV show. 'l'hcrc hasn't It would appcar only on TV. such is thc Icycl hccn a hugc nurnhcr ot‘ Robot lllu's-stylc spin—ol'l's. l'd likc to scc a inixturc ol'thcir artificial non-cxistcncc. ol‘ Ru/ml Him and The I-‘igh! whcrc tlic rohots lroin Rolml lliu's' light thc It you rcproduccd thcir child with a film I’m'r pcts. 'l'hc pcts hayc thc animalistic instinct and thc cats could rip Rcalian clonc you could crcatc a socicty out thc hattcrics and thcy'd win. 'l‘hc pcts arc not cquippcd with lirc. hut you whcrc nohody cxistcd without sonic form of could shayc thcin so thcy‘rc Icss l'lannnahlc. I'd also likc to scc David mcdia locus. 'l‘o crcatc rcality 'l‘V. soinchmly Dickinson and l)a|c Winton go hcad to hcad. 'l’hcy could put thcir hair in jttsl cxisting would hcconic cntcitainmcnt. rcally long plcats. and hayc a game of human conkcrs. 'l‘hc ncxt stcp. rcality 'l'V-wisc. is to put contcstants in thc Big Brut/m- See Comedy for tour dates, page 69.

John Fardell

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128 THE LIST LEAN Feb 9003