The Front


MARY OLIVER, fresh from Channel 4’s Operatunity and starring in Thrandot at the Edinburgh Festival Theatre, runs through her scales and picks her favourite pieces of music.

1 Wrandot I love getting the chance to Sing Pucinni's romantic and passonate mUSIC.

2 Peter Crimes Benjamin Britten manages to capture the whole feeling of the sea.

3 Clarinet Concerto by Mozart I was a clarinettist and I used to play this piece myself.

4 West Side Story The jazz influence of Bernstein's score really appeals to me.

5 Rock DJ by Robbie Williams This IS great to listen to before a night Out. It really gets yOu in the inood.


If there's a SUDJGCI that web conspiraCIsts never tire of, it's the one about life on other planets. And. more specifically. about being taken aboard a flying saucer and given an anal probe in the name of solar system sCIence.

If the threat of being dragged into a spaceship by ETs keeps you awake. clear up the mystery of your abduction potential once and for all. in the 'Abductalizer' section of this site. you are asked 24 penetrating questions to assess your risk. ‘Are there any birds in your current field of Vi8ion’2'. 'Of the two major lost continents. which had the more advanced crvrhsatmn?’ and. 'A rectangular field lOOft long is twice as long as it is Wide. What is the number of feet of fencmg needed to enclose the field?‘ are examples



Barth Filh'i‘, ITOHHQ. like the \‘i'ltll'l'l’ surprisedl stated awake

6 THE LIST 13—2." Mar SOULS


Glasgow’s Insomnia cafe is back in business round the clock in Lynedoch Street. Kiefer Sutherland has signed a £10m deal for a further six series of 24. Is that a drama waiting to happen or what?

. . . is watch daytime telly in the window of Curry's.

My name is federal agent Jack Bauer. I'm posted in Glasgow. Scotland. and this is the longest day of my life. The following takes place on the first Friday of the Glasgow International Comedy Festival.

First Kilroy. then Garden Invaders

The boss calls me in. M74 protestors have put a nuclear bomb under the Stand .

. . . they say the acts have been dying already.

I get Paula to do a Google search at the Easylnternet Cafe . . .

l! Meanwhile Kim wants to see Adam Hills at the Stand. . .

. . . and we narrow down the suspects . . .

I tell her I'll take her to Avril

. . . Sheppard or Sheridan: . Lavigne instead . . .

could they be the same man?

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""73" ., V- -‘. .. . . . but she says it's already past little Avril‘s bedtime.

We hear reports of a sectarian mob picking on a Northern Irish Catholic . . .

. . . but it's only his jokes they don‘t like.

I go under cover and do an open spot at the Stand . . .

. . . so it's back to Curry's . . .


. . . accused of importing jokes older than time itself.

. . . and it was Nina who dropped the bomb in revenge for ‘cultural crimes' . . .

. . only to discover the Lavigne gig went ahead as planned . . .

. . . so now I need a drink. but everywhere‘s closed . . .

. k z E . . . and The Love Boat . . . until two masked men

land in town . . .

. . . and Countdown . . .

Solaris UGC l-‘ountainpark. Edinburgh, Tue A Mar

Bernie and Liz f,‘.'m1r,ori.':, l.’li‘:"ff,’.lf.') "“L'Wm. l,t.l '_’/, L’nuudptrnal Cuddle UM