Thursday 1 continued
Jongleurs Comedy Club JiiiigIt-iiis. l'(i(' Building. Rentrcis Street. 0870 "8" 0707 8 15pm to The \lttimlltl} soled .\1ilcs('ra\slord introduces I’ll/unit Nights regular Ton} Burgess. lorinci paramedic Brian Higgins and diminutnc f3llll.‘tP\\It'ltllltj_‘ satirist Slc\ c (iiibbeii Giggles \Ici'cur) loungc. l~1.‘. Hall) l.anc. 3-18 I777 ‘Ipm. £5 (£4) The alua}s unciiiiipi‘omising Raynond \lcarns iiitroduccs l'rascr ('ampbcll and coined} duo \lartm and Neil]
The Stand ‘l he Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 ()()0 (i055. Upiii. £5 (£3 I. l.i\ci'pool \iorilsiiiith Ricliaiil :\llen is abl} supported b) ukulele p|a_\ing_' Iunn} lad} Ria |.ina and local lad \cil Mcl‘ailanc.
Young Performance Poets Special The 'l'ron. ‘) llunter Square. High Street. 555 3707. ‘) llpiii. £3 (£3). The ﬂoor is opened to the nut generation ol performance poets. and lcatui‘es Jenn) l,iiidsa). l'.llic \Valtoii. ('lu‘is llicks. lloura ()adii‘ and Jess ll)‘_\ant
The Stand The Slatlil. .5 York l’ltlL‘i‘. 558 7373. 9pm. £5 (£1). Motheiisell‘s Mark Bralchpicce headlines. \Hlll the l‘krainc's numbci l\\() comedian llciic l.inclicstico\. natural born stor}tellcr Jamie Nielsen/iv and host Keara Murphy Snatch The l.tt|ttlil Room. ‘lc Victoria Street. 335 35(sl. I0.30pm 3am. £3.50 (£3). (ieordie compcre Ton} (‘artcr takes mer the reins Irom (iarth ('i'uikshank in this \\ eekl} clubbing iiiccls coined} cabaret.
Vladimir McTavish and Paul McNeil 'lolbootli. Jail \\')iid. 01780
27.1000 8pm Uii£~1i Topical satire and caustic \iit Iroin Vladimir .\1c'l.i\ish (aka l’atil Sncddon and Bob Hoolall) i. Support coincs lroin former l.eilh cabbic \lt'Neill
Watson’s Wind-up (ilasgon l'IlllI 'l'licatrc. l3 Rose Street. 305 (Will
l I lip”). l‘l'L‘L'. lltll llckt‘lt'tl. SCC l‘rl
Mrs Brown Rides Again I’asiliiin 'l'licati'c. l3l chlield Street. 533 ISM). 7.30pm. £13 U5 (£ll U3). Sec Thu 34.
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l‘(i(‘ Building. Rciilress Sii‘L-l-L 0870 787 0707. 8. l 5pm. U3 Sec Thu l.
OThe Stand The Sittlltl. x :3 \Voodlands Road. 0870 (M0 (i055 0pm, £7 (£0). Irish impro\ inastci and l’ci‘i‘icr nomincc Jason l3}rIIL'. \sho's bcst lsllt)\\ll I‘or his high-energy s\\ cat} antics. Motlicruell comic .\lai‘k Hratchpiecc and :\|c\ llornc stand up in support alongside compcrc Jane Macka}.
Duntocher Comedy Club Dunliglennan. (i8 Dumbarton Road. I)untochcr. (II 38‘) 893300. 0pm. l-rcc, Be suited coined} gent Vladimir Mc'lasish is joined b} So You Think You'rc l‘uiiny \sinner Miles Jupp.
The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7373. 0pm. £7 (£6). Sylnq ('omed} Store regular Trcsor (’rook pur\e_\'s his laconic. Antipodean st} le. (iag guarantor John (iillick. c\otic musician Ria l.ina and host Susan \loi‘t‘ison complete the lineup.
waited to hear a little beep.
Mirth master Phil picks up some new customs
went through customs to Dublin from PrestWick airport. My hoots' toes
are capped With steel so always set off the beeps going through the all-
seeing mythical doorway of truth and detection. This time I had to take them off and let them go thr0ugh the x-ray by themselves. Now. I have my wee hash pipe in my sock. IUSl so it is easier on us all. and this was a little interesting as I walked back through the portal doorframe of justice and
It never came. The boots came through nicely cleared. They were carrying nothing. I had to put them on. then show them the soles. People must have discovered you could get things through customs trapped in the grips of their boots. I guess it is the perfect excuse. You can say: ‘Jeez. Mr Customs man. I never knew that was there. ahern . . . These Boots Did Go Missing For A White And Somebody Must Have Stood On These Three Wee Quarters Eh
A week before. I came back from Shetland and met the Shetland badminton team. They asked if I would like to carry a racquet through for them. ‘Yeah.‘ I say. and as we approach the framed threshold of fate I realise my wee pipe is not entirely slowed in my sock. For deference sake. I bend and slip it in and I am carrying the recouet. rather unathletically and only three back from crossing through to the zone of innocence. All eyes are on us. surely. as | bend down and just put it in and go through and all is well.
I nearly complained I was worried at the state of the nation‘s security. They never even asked if anyone had asked me to carry something through for them because I wanted to say: ‘Yes. This racquet.‘ Imagine I had got caught and the team were in some drug related bust and they had to forfeit the cup they had won for the last 13 years: unlucky for some.
You are not allowed nail scissors on flights now due to iumbos smashing into the towers. Nail clippers. though, are fine and I consider holding the captain to ransom with his big toes nail in their evil steely smile's Vice-grip. wielding a steel toe capped boot at the navigator. 'Fly me to the Orkneys where I want a bicycle waiting and seventy quid in used notes . . . and some
72 THE LIST 3-1 Apr 8 May 200:4
Comedy‘s answer to George Formby. Ria Lina plays the Stand, Glasgow, Thu 1 & Sun 4 May; the Stand, Edinburgh, Fri 2 & Sat 3 May
Mrs Brown Rides Again I’iniliiiii 'l‘llL‘illi‘c. l3l RL‘IIllcltl Street. 3 33 lX-lh. 7.30pm. U3 U5 (Ul U3). Sec 'l‘hu 3-1. Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l‘(‘i(‘ Building. Rt‘llll‘c“ Street. 0870 78" 0707. 8. |5pm. U3. See Tim I.
OThe Stand 'i'iit- s‘iiiiia. .w \Voodlands Road, 0870 (>00 (i055. 9pm. £8. Sec Hi 3 but \silh compere Susan Morrison.
Madcap Comedy Club State Bar. 1-18 Holland Street. ‘Mo 938"). 9.30pm. £5 (£4). See Sat 36.
The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7373. 9pm. £8. See Fri 3 but “till comperc Jane Macka).
The JOKE BOX llilllllSllCS lloose. 43 ()Id Sncddoi) Street. 5M 7lll7. 9pm. Free. The ballistic R;i_\inond .\learns introduces Irish polynth Kesin lla_\es. \sith support from the Paisle) in Stitches crew
Mrs Brown Rides Again I’aiilion 'l'hcatrc. l3l Renlield Street. 333 Iii-lb. 7.30pm. U3 U5 (U I U3). Sec Thu 3-1. May Bank Holiday Special The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 ()00 605.5. 9pm. £6 (£5 ). Alisle gagster Trmor (‘rook rolls out some classic one-liners. Support comes from l'S-(icrrnan-lﬁlipino musical h} brid Ria l.ina. plus Neil Mcl‘arlane and resident Sunda) night host Michael Redmond.
0 May Day Holiday Special - Jason Byrne The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7373. 8.30pm. £7 (£6). Boundless manic energ} and anarchic leaps of the imagination from this Irish impros master. Byne made a splash at the Fringe of' ‘)7 in a double-header is ill) Tomm) 'l‘iernaii. but. while less prolilic TV-uise than his .\'a\'an counterpart. Byne is still an electrit'} ing lis'e experience.
Red Raw The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7373. 8.30pm. £I. Newcomers stand-up shim case hosted by (‘olin McGill and headlined b) Tedd};
Mrs Brown Rides Again Piniliiin Theatre. l3l Rentield Street. 333 I846. 7.30pm. £I3 £l5 (£Il £I3). See Thu 34. Bob Doolally: Live and Half-cut The Stand. 333 Wimdlands Road. 0870 (100 6055. 8.30pm. £6 (£5). The “ashed- up. \ixlka-soak’ed football pundit brings
the Iootball season to a stick) end “Hit “it and innuendo 'l'lic shou \\Ill be recorded tor l)ool.ill} 's loi‘tlicoiniiig (‘I) so this could be )oiii‘ chance to go dossn in Iootball histor}.
OThe Long Riders Tour the Stand. 5 York Place. 558 "3731mm, £7 (£0). Scottish (outed) sliarp shooters Bruce Morton. Michael Redmond and Parrot saddle up for a tour of \s it.
\\ isdom and masterclass coined}. llighl} recommended.
Mrs Brown Rides Again I’asiliiin 'l‘heati'e. l3l Rentield Street. 333 Isle. 7.30pm. U3 £l5 l£ll U3). Sce Thu 34.
Bruce Morton Presents The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. 0870 (i()() 6055. 9pm. £0 (£5). ()l' Bruce is back with his monthl} comic encounter shim casing a selection ol Scotland's hottest stand-up talent.
Bob Doolally: Live and Half-cut The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7373. 8.30pm. £6 (£5). See Tue (i.
Mrs Brown Rides Again I’asilioii 'l'heatre. l3l Rentield Street. 333 I846. 7.30pm. U3 U5 (U l U3). See Thu 34.
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l'(i(' Building. chlreu Street. 0870 787 0707. 8. l 5pm. £6. Stephen K Amos introduces (ilasgosi. 's own Jane} (iodle). plus Sean Meo and Michael Smile}.
The Stand The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. ()870 ()(X) 6055. 9pm. £5 (£4). l’op satirist Sandy Nelson takes pot shots at pop's prima donnas. (ireg Mcllugh and Colin .\lc(}ill stand-up in support. Giggles Mercur) Lounge. I43 Bath Lane. 348 I777. 9pm. £5 (£4). Irish/Iranian/(icordie comedian Patrick Monahan headlines. with support I'rom Bratch) and storyteller James ('ainpbell.
The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7373. 9pm. £5 (£4). Straight- talking. sassy AUssie lass Sarah Kendall regales with her “it and viisdoin. (iraeme Thomas. Nigel Buckland and compere Raymond Mearns provide the support.
The Snatch Club The Liquid Room. 9c Victoria Street. 335 356-1. l0.30pin—3ain. £3.50 (£3). Prepare to swing yer pants and laugh yer head off at this mid-week corned} -curn-clubbing institution. Nev. host Ton) ('artcr keeps spirits ﬂying high along with cheesy tunes. the [)J Babes and regular guests.