venture from the (rate (0 the Sac team. The first night features Parrot. Fraser ('amphell. Scott Agnew and Teddy.
0 Julian Clary Festival Theatre. l3 2‘) Nicolson Street. 52‘) (1000. 7.30pm. £l l.5() £l7.5(). The camp TV' personality. who's currently best known for suggestive radio adverts. goes on the road. See Answ er Machine. page I28.
0 The Stand 'riit- s‘iiinti. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £8. See l‘ri 30 only with compere Jane Mackay.
0 Julian Clary Pavilion Theatre. l2l Rentield Street. 332 1846. 7.30pm. £l7.5()_ See Sat 3 l. and Answer Machine. page 128.
Michael Bedmond’s Sunday Service The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. 0870 ()(X) 6055. 8.30pm. £6 (£5). l‘ortncr Live Floor Show star .Vlllcs Jupp lowers himself to humour the minions. John McBride and three guests also join host Michael Redmond.
Bruce’s Sunday Social Fund The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £4 (£3). The wickedly vicious Bruce Devlin introduces John l’lint. (ireg Mcllugh and three guests.
Craic’n’Comedy Suburbia. Shuttle Street. 887 2073. 8.30pm. £3. (‘hris l.ynatn. Des McLean and compere Raymond Mearns spearhead the laughter at this new comedy night.
Bed Raw The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £1. Radge storyteller James Ferguson and host John Scott put around eight newcomers on the road to stardom.
Poetry Evening llolyrootl Tavern. ‘) Holyrood Road. 556 5044. 9pm. Free. A poetry and spoken word night hosted by (iary Death.
Melting Pot The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £5 (£4). All hail the comedy referendum as new writers present their short comic theatre pieces. with the winner decided by the audience.
Bruce Morton Presents The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £6 (£5). ()l‘ Bruce is back with his monthly comic encounter showcasing a selection of Scotland's hottest stand—up talent.
0 Don’t Try this at Home (‘orn lixchange. New Market Road. (iorgie. 443 2437. 7.30pm. £15. Featuring Steve-(). and a selection of other Jackass regulars. performing stupid stunts and inflicting pain on one another ~ all in the name of entertainment.
0 Great Britain Explained The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £4 (£3). An irreverent look at everything from the Beatles and the royals through Hugh (irant and Channel Island Nazis. Bert Chester. (‘olin Ramone and Colin Simpson investigate everything great about our nation. Watch out for the full-length Fringe show in which audiences are invited to vote for their favourite naked show of the festival.
cerebral man reaches the parts that other comics don't dare to touch With his surreal brand of
escapology. MerCury. Glasgow. Thu 22 May
Andy Parsons (pictured) The shrill comic who makes up one half of Parsons & Naylor prepares to fly solo with more chirpy observations. The Stand. Edinburgh, Fri 30 8 Sat 37 May.
Julian Clary Famous for being the campest comic on the block. Clary drags it up big-time With his historical guide to mincing. Festival Theatre. Edinburgh, Sat 3 7 May; Paw/ion Theatre. Glasgow. Sun 7 Jun.
Don’t Try This at Home Steve-O and his masochistic compadres expel body fluids whilst dispelling the myth that hurting yourself isn't funny. Corn Exchange. Edinburgh, Wed 4 Jun.
Great Britain Explained A second chance to catch the work- in-progress comedy show that makes geography cool. Well. sort of. The Stand. Edinburgh, Wed 4 Jun.
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l,'(}(‘ Building. Renfrew Street. ()870 787 0707. 8.15pm. £6. Man with the Beard introduces (ilasgow‘s own Des McLean. Live I‘loor Show host Dara ()‘Briain and the enigmatic Simon Bligh.
The Stand The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. ()870 600 6055. 9pm. £5 (£4). The dawdling David Kay meanders through more surreal triviality. with support from John Scott. Kirsty Moss and cult compere Frankie Boyle.
The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £5 (£4). Young writer. comedian and actor Kevin Dewshury headlines. with former Leith cahhie Paul McNeil]. Woody and the hysterically stolid compere Miles Jupp.
Bike Station Bonanza Bongo Club. l4 New Street. 552 49l l. 9pm. £7 (£5). A fundraising evening in aid of bike recycling charity Bike Station. featuring funk. jazz. African and Latin beats from .lafala and .‘vlisonatucara. plus comedy from two-wheel fanatic Phil Kay. Call for tickets. or email info(a
The Snatch Club The Liquid Room. 9c Victoria Street. 225 2564. It).3()pm—3am. £3.50 (£3). See Thu 29.
got in a bit of a pickled loophole the other day when l iomed the AA again. I called them up an hour later and asked for roadside aSSistance. They said that I could not call them With a vehicle already broken down.
I remember the warning: ‘Calls may be recorded for "training purposes” . . . sinister moohaha . . . and I decided to speak clearly realismg that calls may also be recorded in order to be played back in crisp Nicam truth from the ceiirtroom's Surprisingly state-ot-the-minute 5.1 Quadraphonic Surround sound system that envelops yOur peers. the iury. in a Crunchy resplendent exactly-digital
'The car was not broken down when l iomed . . it broke down subsequently. Surely.‘ I continued. ‘there must be the member somewhere who has broken down the QUICkeSl of all times — tOr real. actually — and there must be someone somewhere who is that member. Technically there has to be one. Can I iust be
that one . . . the one?‘
‘You are not allowed to call us (or 24 hours'
Next day. Twenty three hours later. ‘Hi, I requue roaGSide aSSistance. My very recently acouired memberhood club-ship number-code is . . .'
'Sir you called yesterday with a car that was broken down. YOu cannot call us
with a vehicle broken down.‘
We", shall I call you when my car is line and get you to hang Out for a few weeks on the oil chance?’ l pleaded: 'When can I ever call you out now. because you Will always think it already broken down?‘
'Sir. simply prove that you have fixed the car.‘
‘Then I shall not need you.‘ '. . . moohaha . . .'
‘So it I can prove that the car is fixed. then I can call y0u . . .'
'And which car is this..?'
'I . . . yOu have not told us that sir . . .' '. . . moohaha . . .‘
Auto-manic tor the people
22 May—5 June 2003 THE LIST 73