THE INSIDER Who’s getting up to what

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I 53’ «their trt)ll',i.’ff; ’lztf; nexer been so 'rurr‘“ tun Not t;rn<;e the lunatres took ').r." the asylun‘ 'r‘ the forrr‘ ()t the Seottrsl‘ SUCiIillfli Party. anyway. Insurer hat; {ll‘f/Elfi; kept a framed pretare r>t that orange taxed god Tommy Sheridan on the H‘antr:.pre:te. but thrsn‘a‘, be:1:>rnrng (:<t.'.tl soon to be replaced b, one of ll;>r,rr:o<l's; anty.'.'er 2/) Sharon M'tttnell: Rosie O’Kane. insrder rrtade the unfortunate (leersron to board the rather bus, {3.1%(‘rrtrrntrarnl>et‘.veen lidrr‘burgh and Glasgow the other (tat, and hart the pleasure of observrng these -.-.'.:vndertul MSPS; up (TlOSt? and personal. ()‘Kane shrreked about her :‘atterne Ieuels, ‘.-.’hrle Sher'rdan rrx>aned about the rtrrtte of the on board cuprta. Realrsrng she was berng a lrttle laud. O'Kane remarked t‘.‘.'|tlt that sprn sa‘m. reasonrng all MSPs; non seem tr ‘- bossessr: ‘I bet thrs rs gorng to be reported rn the inlet/e and‘ The Dar/l Report! tornor‘ro'.'.'.' Sorry to drsappornt mu hone;

I The llatrrx Hemmer: has been banned rn Egypt on relrgrous grotrrtcls. Now there are tt‘w’t't". reasons to ban 3m: rancid piece of horse dirt- smeared celluloid. but not one of there rs relrgrous. A tS-rrzembe?' t‘er‘sorshrp COTTUT‘IIIOO. rr‘a;le up 0‘ trln‘. t‘rrtrt‘s. tttotes‘sars. ‘.'.'rrt(‘:t'52 and DSH‘lktIOgIStS. matched the mo'. re before xotrng for a ban. A comrr‘rttee staten‘ent sard that the frln‘ "tackles the rssue of the creator and hrs

ereat ens. seart‘hrng for the orrgrn of .‘reatrort and the rssue of tree wit; sach telrgrous rssues. rarsed rn prexrous trmes. caused er'rsrs' ‘.‘.‘hrle Insuter agrees that there, rs a certarn strarn of

‘1'. Frankly insane

Start spreading the news

I There seems to be a drsease of madness breedrng rts; wa‘, through the musm: iraternrty. Frrst up. Frank Sinatra rs to perform lrve tor nrne days from 10 October at Radro Crty. New York. txsouee/e me? Bakrng pox-.rder’? Drdn't the little Napoleon Crooner shuttle ott hrs It‘.()t't£tl (:orl a few years ago? Well, rt seems that wrth the help of holographrt: :tttagrng. Srnatra can move around the stage and pertorm wrth a 4()-pre<:e orchestra onee agarn. l-lrs 'other' daughter Trna has even stepped rn to brg up the SHOW, whrch contarns video and Super-8 footage of her dead dad. The other two stones Involve Liam Gallagher's wrsh to open a theme park for trntler'prrvrlegetl krds along the Irnes of Wacko Jaeko's Neverland and the Cheeky Girls upcomrng tour of airport lounges. In the words of Cat Stevens ta pep srnger who knew to ourt whrle he was ahead and convert to Muslrm fundamentalism): ‘l've gotta get me a gun.‘

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The Front


‘As a Chinese woman, you’re mostly offered stereotypical

roles: the

prostitute, the mail order bride. Besides, there’s no decent Chinese foodf

‘Why wait until we’re old and pathetic? We should have a reunion while we’re still young and vibrant.‘

.‘(i ll: I‘li" H,

‘One does not do a thing. You’ve got to eat 20 a day for five weeks to get results.’

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‘I remember once having an idea where l was going to have a pig in a freezer covered in vibrators so it looked like a hedgehog. It was going to be called Pork- U-Pine. I never made it, thank God.’

H's? «intense»; that Mr: past

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‘I imagine he’ll think: “Blimey, I’m only 28 and I’ve got an OBE.”’

r'r' 1.115}. r'l.'1".” {1t I'M/HIS ()‘.’(}.’ N'. /(l(li.'; '. rm: 1 'iws’rr/trng.

‘You realise that once your head blows up, having a temper tantrum is the last thing on earth that would be interesting to you. I’m now the calmest person you have ever met.’ .‘Jtrgr' 2:: Stone ref/eats on ."u: 1e of haw/lg a 1/4" nae/rton/rage

Tantrum-free zone

. , -, 2/23 THE LIST 9