I Watching this year's Big Brother may have made yOU feel like youd had a full frontal lobotomy but if you care and yOu know y0u really shouldn't. that famOus Big Brother Diary Chair is making an appearance at yOur local 02 store (Lord forgive Insider for ever giVing a mobile phone company a plug). On Monday 21 July in Edinburgh (Princes

Street) and Thursday 24 in . ~

Glasgow (Buchannan Street) from 9.30am you can turn up. sit on the seat and have yOur photo taken. and between

1 1.30am and 12.30pm yOu'll get a chance to meet one of the eVicted housemates. Big deal. Insider WI” of c0urse be there in some very stained trousers due to a recent b0ut of uncontrollable anal dribbling. Who knows. lnSIder may even get a chance to sit on Nush’s lap.

I Billy Connolly may be about to turn a corner in the kudos stakes. Not only has he recently released a superb collection of early recordings of his folk and comedy material (see Comedy section) but Insider also saw him at 3 Bruce Morton show sitting. guffawing among a deCidedly un-

That bad boy from, Baltimore

celeby crowd. Come back to us Big Yin. we have always loved you. just lose the Just For Men beard dye and the obsession with long term advertising deals. Insider has since spotted Morton nursing an arm in a sling - after Brian Hennigan's detached retina. what evil force lies behind this comedy epidemic?

I John Waters. the true God and saviour of American cinema is to apply his talents to the big screen once again. now that the Broadway

THE INSIDER Who’s getting up to what

Seat is murder

version of Hairspray won big at the Tony. A Dirty Shame is set to star Jackass boy Johnny Knoxville. Selma Blair and Paul Giametti. It's a charming tale of one family's comic descent into dementia. Insider was particularly intrigued by producer Ted Hope's attempts to big up the film in Variety when he said: ‘lt’s a cunnilingus comedy tor the whole family. which might be )ust what these times need.‘ Damn right. Production is expected to begin in the autumn. unsurprisingly, in BaltimOre.


I God, Insider loves dwarves, midgets, mlnlkins, pigmies, Lilliputians, halfllngs, hobbits, chits, slips, tltches, teenies, the dainty, the dinky and the downright tiny (Roget's Thesaurus thank y0u). The festival is coming and Insider is indeed getting fat on the fatuous brain-numbing piles of publicity materials that are filling up the desk. Depression set in several weeks ago when Insider realised that these poorly worded press releases and novelty items hid a whole underclass of self- delusionals. not to mention the untalented. And then Insider fell in love . . . with a munchkin. Tanyalee Davis is a pint-sized comedian who forms part of the US comedy invasion playing at the Underbelly this year. The lady even approached The List and asked for some sponsorship (£500 for the rental of a scooter no less). Insider begged the powers that be to accept her offer. envisioning balmy afternoons spent patting her silky, curly mane or trying to balance milky irappes on her head. but those invisibles who hold the purse strings were having none of it. Good thing really. Insider's obsession disappeared as fast as it came when one day perusing the lady‘s homepage (www.TanyaleeDavis.com) mainly to see if there were any pictures of this 3ft 6in Venus Insider had missed. Suddenly Insider noticed a mention of a husband. one Matty Hiebert no less. Insider was crushed a little love was all that was craved. You have been listening to Our Tune. to play us out: “Dude Looks Like a Little Lady' by Aerosmith.

The Front

‘I tell people I’m not a dancing man due to shrapnel in my

THE QUOTES buttocks from the Korean War.

Rather embarrassingly, considering I was about 11 when the Korean War ended, people believe this story.’ John Peel exp/airs uh; 'ie's r: the kitchen (if parties.

‘l’ve got so many other things I’d like to do. I’d love to get into nursing.’

Teen sensation Arm Stud: is; itiegiili something of a misfit if? the .”‘(i(i' old world of pop.

‘I’d like to dedicate this song to a very good friend of mine. This is for Gary Kemp. I’d like to wish him all the best. Ha ha ha.’

Tony Hadley at Part} in the Park, unleashing his st'ii'ci’istit: math over the continuing battle with Spriiirmii BH/lOT song rights.

‘She’s a genetic freak.’

Lucy Liu on Cameron Dirt/1‘; ability to wolf scran all day yet gain no discernible weight.

‘Jack does brilliant Michael Jackson impressions. He can do the moonwalk and he’s got his voice down to a tee. If you look away, it could be him; it’s creepy.’

Those cold Winter nights at Kym Marsh '3 mental abode must )iisf race by-

‘I am a great believer in the power of plants.’ Victoria Beck/tam. The other day.

‘She’s really bright.’

Naomi Campbell on, yep y0u guessed it, Victoria Beckham.

17—31 Jul 2003 THE LIST 9