0 he Raking through the dustbin of gossip and trivia


I It's that illl‘é} of year when Insider likes to retire to a disused wood cabin With a tire made up entirer of old copies of The Caledonia/i. Here. Insider likes to settle down to a couple of books so crap they make the blood boil iit's a satlomasochistic thing brought on by a convent school education but that’s another story). Anyway. this year the books of choice are The Idler Book of Crap Towns: The 50 Worst places to live in the UK. and Mariane Pearl's A Mighty Heart. The ldler's book is actually pretty good: it points out every decrepit graffitied fly trap on these isles. from Dagenham to Hull. It does. however. suffer from a terrible need for iOllfllélllSth balance (something Insider has never been keen oni. So for every indictment of slopeheads. trailer trash and suburban fools. there is a town defender. Oh please. Bulldoxe the lot of them. Far worse, however. is Mariane Pearl's book. It allegedly details the brave life and death of hm husband Daniel Pearl, T he l"/a// Street Jeri/rial reporter who was abducted and murdered last year in Karachi. Mariane set out to find out why There is. of course. nothing wrong with that. but from what Insider has read so far (before routiner throwmg it against the walli. this is little more than a hagiography of a Journalist husband. crossed with an old episode of Colombo where the investigative leaps defy ali logic. It is a tragic stery. bent to inflate the myth of the heroic hack and provide a nice pension fer someone. And Christmas is iust around the corner. Side Or'dw of liberal guilt with your turkey. any one”?

I The Scottish Honda Record Books is to be the new name of the Scottish Rocks pro basketball team. because the Daili ReCOrd. a newspaper that has rarely covered any of the team's games rand certainly not With a photographi. and Phoenix Honda (something to do wrth motorbikes. InSider thinkSi have entered the fray as their spons0rs.

Stupid sponsorship names. They are enough to turn Insider to Violence. what's next? The Durex Pertorma Outdoor Bowling Pebbles?

I Lots of great little stories: vibrating shoes will soon be available to the elderly people who are prone to falling ~ cool. The band Feeder thought it was really original to ask for new underpants as part of their rider at gigs until they found Out Blur had already done it years ago. Ozzy Ozbourne has been denied the keys to the City of Birmingham, haying been told that he would lose in a local vote to U840. Insider's favourite picture of the week is this one of a decapitated Nemo

Flower power

Fair treatment of the corporate puppet

above. fron‘ the P'xar tin: / r‘i: "g Neuro- on a Sushi bed lrie chef photographer dese'xes t, tx-


I Arid tiitaiiy. Scottish cties "axe tit-en

ignored yet again bl. another ri‘uit‘ million Visit Britain campaign no stir'pr'se there. then. lri'.er'iess. Dundee. Aberdeen and Sti'lirig naxe all been gl‘JEl‘ the brush off am the SNP shadov. iiiinistei for touris'i‘. Kenny MacAskill. is getting all hot

under the collar about it. Slighti, |l()l‘l(‘.

that the first email of alarm that ‘.'.'as sent out from the SNP's oft<:es forgot to include Stirling illl‘()ll§)f3l the number of sinned against ii)‘.'.'lif$. How dare the\) sell the Silll'lg] short.

High am}; a

1 '°'. 9' I

I Angels' Trumpets are among the few instruments most people wrll never get to play. They are also rather pretty plants (see picture). The youth of Germany have been turning all honicultural of late since they toend 0th that the plants contain a powerful hallucmogen. It all came to a head last week when an 18-year-old boy cut off his penis and tongue with a pair of a garden shears after downing a tea made with the plant. As tragic as that ston/ was. InSider has been spending the last few weekends scattering Angels' seeds in the areas of our beloved Cities where gangs of teenagers like to shout at closed windows while trying to strangle a pit

bull with an old belt.

The Front


‘I am really chuffed. I’ve said for ages that I am the saviour of Radio 1.’

‘It’s made me a lot harder. It’s almost like having some form of Tourette‘s.’

‘I remember one journalist said to me, “How’s your love life?” And I turned to her and said “How’s your sex life, are you getting any? What do you like; you like oral sex? Take it up the arse, do you? How about piercings, got any piercings?” She got the right hump.’

‘If I see one more photo of you with a dodgy politician I’m going to hrow up.’

["2‘ i‘ 'fti'!’ .‘r‘ ‘i H "J "r‘ ,‘ flit.“ U.) "i1.,'""‘i' " if‘i "‘r‘ I" ' i' ‘I find divorces repulsive. I’ll never get divorced. Never.’

(.a.’ »-..i .. i'

‘This is every working class kid’s dream. You have the money to tell the boss to fuck off. You don’t have to take an ounce of shit from anybody.’

.i.,,i(1P, . .i/i' '

; 3 Taking no shit from no one