Fri 9, Edinburgh
The lmproverts Bedlatn ’l‘lteatre. I lh Bristo Place. 225 9893. l0.30pm. £3 (£2.50). Audience suggestions spark surreal scenes of comic tnadness at this weekly improy showcase. 200.3 Perrier .\'ew comer nominee Miles Jtipp (who wo/ robbed) leads his fellow students in spontaneous scrapes sttch as tlte lost chapters of the James Bond saga atid ninja mutants iii space.
Saturday 1 0
The Vault Comedy Club The Vault. l I I0 Polloksliaws Road. Shawlands. 649 0007. 7.30pm. £8
(£6 £7 ). Karen (‘ocklield and (iary Little join host Vladimir Mc'l‘ayish. Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l'(}(' Bttildiiig. Renfrew Street. ()870 787 0707. 8pm. £l3. See Thu 8.
Grhe Stand The Stattd. .333 Woodlands Road. 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £8. See Fri 9 bttt Jane Mackay cracks tlte whip as compere.
Madcap Comedy Club State Bar. 148 llollatid Street. 946 9289. 9.30pm. £5 (£4). Billy Bonkers introduces put- down master (iot'don Brunton.
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. ()mni Centre. (ireenside Place. 08707 870707. 8pm. £l3. See Hi 9.
The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £8. See Hi 9 bill with coiiipere Stisan Morrison.
Joke Box Comedy Night llaniisltes lloose. 42 ()Id Sneddon Street. 56l 7105. 9pm. Free. Raymond Mearns (who’s just finished filming xlt' I‘D/u] Kiss with Ken l.oach). joins Reg Anderson and Bill Dewar to keep the Paisley punters chortling.
The boy who got lucky: Chris Addison plas e Sad, Glgow,
The Vault Comedy Club The Vault. I I I0 Polloksliaws Road. Shawlands. 6490007. 7.30pm. £4 (£3). The ballistic Raymond Mearns takes control of the mic to introduce Vladimir Mc'l‘ayish. Allen ('halnters and (iary Little.
Michael Redmond’s Sunday Service The Stand. 33.3 \Yoodlands Road. 08706006055. 8.30pm. £4 (£3). The one-time l-iultr'r 781/ star keeps the sabbath day funny with his faithful comedy disciples .\'ik (‘oppin arid the yery busy Raymond Mearns.
Whose Lunch is it Anyway? the Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. lptti. l-ree. lireefornt ftmniness and hangoyer-banisliing antics from resident duo Pattl (iraltam and Stttart Murphy. l"rec(style) comedy doesn't get tiiticli better than this.
Bruce’s Sunday Social Fund The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £4 (£3). Dry w it (iary Delaney and ('olin Mc(iill pledge their comic support to Dey lin's weekly social clttb.
The Comedy Quiz The Vault. l t tt) Polloksliaws Road. Sliawlands. 649 0007. 7.30pm. £l. Resident ltosl (3ltt‘is Broomlield offers comedy boff'ins the chance to hit the bttllseye itt his weekly quiz.
Open Mic Night The Liquid Lounge. 94 West Regent Street. 353 6333. 8pm. l’ree. l.ocal comedy hero Raymond Meartts hosts this weekly open tttic tiiglit. showcasing a diyerse band of merry entertainers. l‘ancy giying it a bash‘.’ Then there's a free drink for ex ery perforttier.
Fri 16 8. 17 Jan; Edinburgh, Sun 18 Jan
60 THE LIST ?%-?2 Jan 900-1
Phil heads off for a family Christmas in Venezuela
The whole of South America is a Hostess Trolley . . for hours. YOu sit having fish in the Sundown's pink glow and the grilled
. it keeps food warm
grouper fish keeps its heat on the national park island an hour's kayak off our bit of Venezuelan coastline. I am with my brothers and our families and I did all the Christmas shopping in a lvlakro with armed guards protecting the takings from post-revoltitionaries eager for cash. The heat is huge: the car tires frap along. We all do a bit of charlie and play the local football team in the hot afternoon on a pitch which is half scrubby hard-baked red cake soil. and half overgrown with matted weeds. A bad clearance puts the ball on the beach. Half their team has no shoes on. I run more than I have ever run. I score a hat-trick. I miss seven. My legs are screaming silently for tomorrow's ligament agony. I keep running. left-wing right-midfield. even do ‘a header'. They win twelve-seven. Playa Colorada win two crates of beer and a basket of sea oysters which they dive for round here and scrap out into the shell and squeeze the lime onto. lf yoor stomach can handle these without the world falling out of its bottom you can then move onto rooting around the bins at the end of the day.
The turkey stayed warm in the hot air patio upon which we dined.
I went to the beach that day twice and minded the burny all over tan I was getting on my shoulders. forehead and forearms.
Christmas seemed burned away and all the normal stuff massively absent. We had remote control cars and stuffing. We had coconut juice from the coconut Wllll a cornbread crispy shark-filled pancake in the shadow of the palm. and in swimming trunks too. They say tel/7 navrdad here for Happy Christmas. It is the same. it is different. it is the same.
Red Raw The Statid. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £l. New Deal comedian Tony (‘arter and former l.eith cabbie Patil McNeill put eight stand-up newcomers the road to comedy glory.
Red Raw The Stand. 333 \Voodlattds Road. 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £2. [fight comedy lambs take to the stage. shepherded by Kiwi funny man Simon McKinney and the thoroughly offbeat philosopher Tony ('ai'ter.
The Comedy Network The Pleasance. (if) The Pleasance. 050 234‘). 8pm. £3 £5. Kiwi motormouth .v\l Pitcher headlines the first instalment of the Network’s fortnightly gathering. Hairy Watt Comedy Club The l'nion. lleriot Watt t'iiiyersity. Riccartoii. 45] 5333. 9pm. £3. Siitootli crowd plcascr Joe llceitan joins Dougie Dttiilop and l.eith's Patil Mc.\'eiII. Students arid guests only.
001' The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 727191)”). £0 (£5 l. Bl“. /.ft'r' l'fur)!‘ S/ioir's kilted catiipster (’raig llill introduces the straight-talking Sabrina Matthews. the snail-paced Day id Kay arid the ‘(‘ampest l.ink' host Jill Peacock.
Wednesday 1 4
The Phil Kay Show The Vault. t l l() Pollokshaw s Road. Shaw lands. 649 0007. 7.30pm. £4 (£3 ). The surreal rambler crosses new absurd frontiers with his monthly show. Two guests brayc the unpredictability to stand up it) support.
CDT The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 (iflfl ()055. 9pm. £0 (£5 ). Sec Tue
Comedy Shorts The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £4 (£3). The Blue Room. in association with lidinburgh
Media Base. presents a monthly showcase of short comedy films by new and established filmmakers. Billed as ‘interactiye'. the spectacle. set iii comedy surrounds. is not to be missed. The Comedy Cave Nichol lidw-ards. Niddry Street, 07905 045573. 9.30pm. £2. Weekly comedy club hosted by (‘hris (‘aye the comedy caveman. arid featuring competitions. cheap drinks aitd high-jinx galore.
The Grand Gong Show The Vault. l l H) Polloksliaws Road. Shawlands. 6490007. 7.30pm. £4 (£3 ). See Thu 8. Jongleurs Comedy Club Jonglcttrs. t'(i(' Building. Renfrew Street.0870 7870707. 8pm. £7. Madcap Northern Irish comic Martin Bigpig introduces laii ('oppingcr. outrageous cotiiedy dcryish Mandy Knight and Roger I).
The Thursday Show The Stand. 33.3 \Yoodlands Road. 0870 6006055. 9pm. £6 (£5). Local patter merchants John (iillick. Pattl Mc.\'ei|l and Andrew Bird join host Raymond Mearns.
The Thursday Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £6 (£5). Witness the affable physicality of main man Res Boyd. plus the meandering philosophies of Dayid Kay in the support slot. linergetic loon Tony ('artcr and Allen ('halmers also join resident host Frankie Boyle.
The Snatch Social The Liquid Room. 9c Victoria Street. 325 3564. l0.30pm 3am. £3.50 (£3). See Thu 8.
The Vault Comedy Club The Vault. l I I0 Polloksliaws Road. Shawlands. 6490007. 7.30pm. £8
(£6 £7). The Pub landlady Janey (iodley headlines. with support from Dominic Woodward and magic Steyen Dick. Des McLean takes cotnpering duties.