The Front

I Good old Walter Yetnikoff, the head of CBS Records from 1975

tot 990. The man is a hark back to the days when upper music management wore their steak-ingesting lifestyles over their flab infested hips and secretaries were for spanking and weekend trysts only. It was with some pleasure that Insider sat down to read a leaked early proof of Yetnikoff's tell-all memoirs. Howling at the Moon recently. The man was a music mogul from an age when success meant excess. Was there ever a better time? Yetnikoff was. of course. the man behind mid-period Dylan. Streisand and early Springsteen but the big boy caught himself a booze and coke addiction that just about tore his life apart. Not wishing to ruin this fascinating read for anyone. Insider can reveal that Yetnikoff does spill the beans on the mad and damn right profane who have had sway in the music business for far too long (step forward Mr Jackson, Mr Geffen and Mr Mottola). There will be no better (read scurrilous) aCCOunt of the American music industry out this year or any year for that matter.

I Other stories Insider liked: Janet Jackson's boob flash at the Super Bowl has become the most searched event in the histOry of the internet.

Ahead by a breast

Search engine Lycos says it has beaten previous records set by searches on the September 11 attacks, the Paris Hilton sex tape and Britney Spears. Also Eminem has expressed an interest in the Neverland theme park, while dear old Patsy Kensit is to join the cast of Emmerdale in May.

«a. f I. a

I Finally Insider would like

to say adieu to the comedy, shopping and sport sections editor of The List Miss Maureen Ellis. Miss Ellis has been tempted away by the proletariat

_____ . Raking through the dustbin of gossip and trivia

charms of The Evening Times. Insider will miss this curly-haired goddess indeed. Not that she ever actually spoke to Insider, but she did once press a 50p piece and a used ticket for Ross Noble into Insider's hand. Insider obviously spent the next three years stalking her, but the restraining order has just come through and this

. will be the only chance Insider will get

he ous tt ward

to say (in the language of love naturally badly translated by the Google language tools) arrivederci il mio riccio haired I'amico, esso e stato un rollercoaster di emozione. Abbiamo riso, noi cried. noi abbiamo ottenuto arrabbiati. Move on up sister!

., ~ ' a : calm down, calm do !

I It's not the leaving of Liverpool that Saint and Greavsie me! Ahh, the memories. Insider had the misfortune of spending part of the late 803 in a borstal on the banks of the River Mersey (the special junior wing at Barlinnie was just too full of teenage transvestite potters at the time). Every Saturday Insider and the motley collection of tinkers and scallywags were allowed to watch the football pundits Ian St John and Jimmy Greaves talk absolute tosh about the First Division. Insider was thankfully released before


this really rubbish show was decommissioned but in the long hours of lock- down the perverted chant using Saint and Greavsie's names still haunts the

And so it was that last week Insider decided to return to Liverpool, the future City of Culture. And as far as Insider could tell, it is certainly a city in change. Many of the derelict buildings are gone now and some of the dockside boutique hotels have even reopened. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said of the city’s young people. who seemed to have mutated in the last decade into a steaming pile of foul-mouthed retards who worship at the conjoined shrines of Juicy Couture and knock-off Versace. After a day Insider’s thoughts moved to generational genocide. It was with some bemusement then that Insider picked the decrepit local rag The Liverpool Echo and read about the heroic behaviour of veteran Scouse radio DJ Peter Price who kept a 13-year-old suicidal boy talking live on air for 45 minutes before convincing him to meet up off air. The DJ then left his radio show to meet the boy and return him to his home in Antield. Liverpool. It was indeed highly commendable behaviour from Price, but Insider could not help thinking that one fewer box-fresh-trainer-wearingmidget-Scouse- mouth—scally-screamer in this world could be a good thing. Hey, it was just a thought, and to think is not a crime.


‘I’ve had a taste of Kate. Now I need my hunger satisfied.’ That old romantic Peter Andre clear/y loves that odd metallic sensation of Jordan in and around his tongue.

‘As too often happens with the best intentions, the plans got tripped up by technicalities.’

Beck apologises after scrapping the idea for a competition which gave fans the chance to win the eclectic star’s pet rabbit, Rocket. Rock 'n 'ro/l, eh?

‘Our manager spends his time thinking up scandals instead of planning our artistic work. I’m sure our fans would rather hear new songs and new albums than new scandals.’

No we wouldn’t, Tatu.

‘One of my legs is shorter than the other and I was recently told to start evening things out or I’m going to be fucked up later in life.’

Iggy Pop ’3 lust for life is threatened from a rather unusual source.

‘He did crazy things, buying half-million-pound pieces of jewellery. A couple of divorces didn’t help either. His life has been one shambles after another.’

Jim Watt reflects on Mike Tyson having £3000 left to his name.

‘What the dice says is final.’ Birmingham Stage Company '3 Louise E/tringham on the rather novel method of deciding ticket prices for The Dice Man.

‘She’s not an actress. I wouldn’t think she’d do street theatre in Poland, would you? Do you think she really loves her craft? No.’ Samantha Morton considers the dramatic talents of Ms Elizabeth Hurley.

19 Feb-4 Mar 2004 THE LIST 9