I O Making up gossip and trivia

I Insider is away to India. taking a Journey to the East. on a voyage of enlightenment. blah. blah. blah. So for this iSSUO only you got Outsider and you'd better like it.

Reality bites

Nice Boop job

I Outsider is sick to the socks of the increasingly desperate format permutations of reality TV. Scottish TV's latest. 7.30 for 8. for example. Let's put a bunch of Scots around a dinner table and hope they end up shagging between courses. Yawn. If you want a truly inspiring reality-food combo. Outsider directs you to wwwdanontheruncom, for Dan's story of the construction of the mighty ‘EI Bocadillo Del Diablo’.

I Mel Gibson's just asking for it. Making a movie as tiresomely pious

as The Passion of the Christ (the ‘the'

making it clear which Christ Mel‘s banging the nails into, presumably).

Oooh, you are naughty

I Outsider has been watching pornography of late. Or perhaps it’s art. Whatever it is. it's The Good Old Naughty Days, an anthology of blue movies made at the beginning of the 20th century and to be released in UK cinemas by prestigious London-based art/cult film distributor Tartan Films. It was. however, French filmmaker Michel Reilhac who. forgive the pun. came across the films. at the Archives of the Centre National de la Cinematographe, and screened them for the first time outside their original venues (stag parties and brothels), in Paris last year. Made by an anonymous collection of friends, employing the talents of local prostitutes. these films are hardcore; even the Betty Boop-esque animated bits. It was a shock to Outsider's system to be watching something resembling a regular old silent movie - Chaplin, Keaton, etc and then see two flappers and a moustachloed man sucking, spanking and more. Naughty Days has played around the world with a wide variety of reactions. Catholic Italy had a problem with ‘Abott Bitt at the Convent'. Japan didn’t go for the body hair on display, while the pet-loving English censor was concerned about a dog giving head woof, woof! Good boy! Naughty Days goes out with an R-18 certificate (restricted for pornographic content), so you can't see it yet. Not to worry. though. Edinburgh’s Filmhouse has applied to the City Council for a special licence to show the filthy films. . .

Gibson was bound to be castigated in the funny pages. Funny man-turned-New Yorker columnist Steve Martin has put the boot in (to be fair he's also ridiculing Hollywood) with the article: ‘Studio Script Notes on the Passion'. Some highlights from the fake letter from Hollywood: ‘Dear Mel. we LOVE the script! The ending works great. You'll be getting a call from us to start negotiations for the book rights' . . . ‘Does it matter which garden? Gethsemane is hard to say and Eden is a much more recognisable garden' . . . ‘Could [Jesus] change

' water into wine in the last supper

scene? Would be a great moment. and it‘s legit'. Martin made Outsider laugh. Wonder whether fervent Mel's doing the same?

I And now for an unashamed plug. The Critical Choice on the Tom Morton radio show is a new. annual competition for which Scottish publications each nominate an unsigned rock band. They all go head-to—head on air. battle of the bands-style, with the listeners voting for a winner. And The List won! Or rather, the retro-indie act Super 8 did. List clubs editor Henry Northmore describes the act as ‘similar in vein to the Thrills. but with far more swagger'. Look out for live

and vinyl performances from Super 8


I A London-based public relations professional Outsider has regular

; dealings with is looking for people to

appear in safe sex education

videos. The aim of the videos.

Outsider is reliably informed, is to eroticise the use of condoms in a fresh and fashionable manner. thus promoting safer sex. The

videomakers are looking for

‘natural, attractive couples aged 20—40 years'. and

a casting session is being held on

5 April in London with shooting beginning in the middle of the same month. Pay is 52250—500 per person, depending on experience. Interested couples are advised to email suzanne.noble2@btinternet.com

insider is back next issue. Over and oufldden.


The Front

‘We’re very happy that the most highly celebrated bar scufer in

Detroit’s history has finally come to an end.’ Jack White’s lawyer Wally Piszczatowski expresses relief that his client has only been ordered to attend anger management classes.

‘Gay bishops being thrown out of the church is not the sort of publicity we need. Hopefully, this will put the emphasis back on Christ.’ Ecclesiast Russ Hughes on the plan to hand out free tickets for Mel Gibson ’3 movie as a way of getting the church ‘3 own box office figures to rise.

‘They thought it would be fun and rock’n’roll if they chucked a telly out the window. They were only pretending and then it actually slipped off the windowsill and fell.’

A Busted spokesperson calms fears that the trio may actually be transmogrifying into the wild men of plastic pop.

‘I think that Sylvia was a girl who wanted to hurt. In the movie, it was more like: “I’m the victim!” It should have been more that she liked to create all this shit in her head}

Kirsten Dunst looks unfavourab/y upon Gwyneth Pa/trow's ponraya/ of the poet Plath.

‘He’s got such an impish twinkle and I’m dripping with love for him. We’d be doing some heavy scene about a bomb or something and he’d be squealing with laughter.’

Alias star Jennifer Garner appears to have taken a shine to Ricky Gervais after The Office manager made a guest cameo on her spy show.

Wild boys

18 Mar—l Apr 2004 THE LIST 9