ODE TO DUNDEE Re: Hey Jute (490)

As a former Dundonian -r a euphemism for ned that I managed to escape six years ago I found the ‘l ley Jute' article utterly hilarious.

I left the bleak and desolate IlOll/OIIS of Dundee for the bright lights of the bigger and better city of Edinburgh. a move that is essential for any decent human being wishing to do something other than sign on the dole or make AIMs for the rest of their lives.

Please do not delude the unassuming reader who may actually consider visiting Dundee at any point. Being from there. I know only too well you only nave to scratcn the surface to see beyond this superficiality which disguises a disability still thriving in a place v-rhose population is plummeting almost to that level which threatens the right to be called a city. Teenage pregnancies. Barberry ‘.'.'(}£Tlll‘.g neds and Anti nae a mince pen an an ingin ane annal' are rife.

Socialising in Dundee speaks volumes; DCA is one of the very few reasonable places there to frequent at the weekend and trust we. on my very rare visits back there. you WILL see the same faces time and time again who used to drink in the bar I worked in ten years ago. who still do the same thing week III and week out. Testament that even the people themselves do not move on. Perhaps it's Dundee itself which doesn't allow them to do so? I must have been one of the lucky ones.

The two main nightclubs in Dundee. Mardi (Bras ioi Manky Bra as I remember it) and Fat Sams. epitomise the essence of Dundonian culture - boo/e. er. more boo/e oh. and sheer not that I don't think there are actually some Dundonians who have that. it's just that most of the attendees

lack of class

don't actually wear enough

clothes to determine whether

they possess such a thing. Your writer did not see

2THE LIST I 1": Al)! 77,31


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Dundee for what it truly is; and fashionable. it ain't. City of Discovery? The best discovery is that it's only 60 minutes back home to Edinburgh. Reformed


You've won our Out of Touch Ex—Dundonian of the Fortnight {NM}. and we '/l be sending four bottles of 24-year old Pomagne -~ if we can find any failing that. you're not invited to share pints wrth us next time we're in one of the excellent pubs in Br'oughty Ferry.


Re: Going Underground (490)

You prove your ignorance with every damnable issue you publish. Most recently your story on Edinburgh 'Zines failed to include the only ‘Zine of merit in the entire UK C/A Nights is the only fortnightly produced Vine. All the other 'Zines are published by a bunch of monkeys who come out of semi stoned retirement to occasionally bother to mimeograph 12 copies of whatever communo fascist- Iuddite tart licking rubb:sh their moth eaten minds can come up with. Only CIA Nights has published the writings of Ton‘ Cruise. Salman Rushdie ‘a big fat idiot and proud of iti. Saddam I-Ii ssein. Donald Rumsfeld. George W Bush. Tony Blair and a homeless man who writes better on toilet ‘.'.'alls in blood than you do in ink.

(ll/T Nights is the in house publication of the Forest Cafe. which you have also failed to mention in your new eating and drinking guide. We will not forgive these transgressioiis easily. Soon. the cities of Glasgow and Edinburgh will rise up and see you as the Ia/y hacks you are. I-ach covei featuring promotional pap from Hollywood is a letter on your gravestone. You have dug yourselves a shallow and ineritless grave and we all know it. (II/t Nights knows it. homeless people know it. dead people know it. and we believe

that you know it too. You have one option to redeem yourselves as credible Journalists: rename your publication C/A Nights. let us give you the Richard and Judy makeover you middle class whores so righteoust deserve. Time to jOllT the cutting edge. sperm jllftklOS.

James, Dan, Ryan

CIA Nights


Sad/y. you [118! riiissed out on a pri/e this time. thanks to your lack of a grasp on reality. I’t/e included the Forest Cafe in last year's Eating and Drinking Guide. and we're including it again in the forthcoming one. published on 25) April. The /ines stor‘t featured 25) titles. of which only three were from Edinburgh. l lard/y a story on

I; dinburgh /ines. And finally. CIA Nights is gobshite.

rising even more. \Illltllly Smart. shame on you

the Filmhouse. Finally. the Star letter

comes from this issue . .

where's my scissors . . . Yours still in pain. Norm Richardson Edinburgh

You've won four bottles of Pepto His/no/ as the writer of the Rant of the fortnight. /t claims to alleviate the pain of indigestion. flatulence and irritable bowel syndrome.


Re: The entirety of issue 490

Sorry. I've been lying doubled up in bed for three days with killer stomach pain. and throwmg up after every attempt at soup. so I might be a bit on the grumpy side. but this issue got my bile

an entire piece of puff about iPods. and do we get a reVIew of how well it works as a sound medium? Nah. but we do glean that pink is a colour for girls and gueers. How refreshingly last century. And if you think the average List reader needs to be told they can get Torinos and T— shirts at an o\./erpriced shop in Edinburgh and Glasgow known for selling such items. I think you're selling us woefully short. Miles I ielder. are you insane? I'd completely forgotten I even saw the piece of crap that is Cy,')rier until I read your review. I'd forgotten all about the Scooby Doo ending. the sub PlayStation effects. the lead man's toe curlineg emotionless performance. and the stream of tuts and guffaws the film got when I saw it at

I would have thought that a reader requesting help about where to go to meet folk might have got you on the trail of the answer. but no, you iust wave bottles of Wine at us to get us to write in with the answers. Crafty. if not a little cheap. and slightly lacking in pioneering press spirit.

Did I mention I dropped the issue in a puddle coming back from haVing to get my own Saturday paper? Right. I'm off to get a free ticket for Shaun of the Dead With page I l. Y'all had better pray they're not sold out. and that something good mutter mutter . . from Brian Baty looked like a \NIIT(I up too . . .


An ideal drink {or any occasion

. étlT(I tliztt |(>tt()r mutter mutter






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