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For a comedy website. this is one of the least hilarious things on the entire world wide web. But for the best and latest news on all that is revolving around the headspinning world of British comedy, you need to get yourself into this smoke-filled laughter lounge. www.chortle.co.uk

IL Not quite as militant as it sounds. this is more about what record companies don't want you to hear. Some try to stick it to The Man and get shelved. but end up here, free to download and enjoy. Search out Danger Mouse's Grey Album or the great compilation of rap tracks filled with uncleared samples by Beastie Boys. Public Enemy and more. www.bannedmusic.org

FRANK CALLS

These days. the call of the wild is both the medium and the message. If you've ever had a burning ambition to communicate through the power of simian sounds, here's your chance. For $10. an American ape will make that long distance US call for you. Just make sure you've calculated the time difference properly. www.monkeyphonecall.com/

Louise

Debt Collector Tonight was just brilliant. absolutely hyper! She's the total package her voice. her image. her attitude. I'm gonna be living on this for the next two years!

6 THE LIST 15—29 Apr 2004

theOpinion

Outrage against the machine

As TV viewers get set to press their moral panic buttons over a filmed abortion, Brian Donaldson wonders whether Channel 4 is ahead of the pack or acting like sheep?

he common man and woman used to have a

mantra about television: ‘There‘s nothing on.‘

Now. it’s: ‘There‘s still nothing on and even what they do show is all the bleedin‘ same.‘ Neither of these. of course. is strictly true but one thing seems clear: flick through the terrestrial channels of a casual evening and you can be forgiven for not knowing whose side you're on. Channel 4 and five are tipped to be merging in the future but rather than bringing together the best of two very different worlds. all that a collaboration will achieve seems to be a doubling of Charles lngram's appearance fees.

The BBC and lTV. meanwhile. appear to be suffering crises in confidence (unremitting nostalgia is still infecting the former while regret over John Thaw‘s death nullifies the latter). If you‘re watching a crap sitcom. chances are it‘ll be on BBC]. If you‘re watching a sitcom that‘s so monumentally appalling that even BBCl wouldn’t touch it. you‘re probably over on lTV.

Even the faces you once relied on to give a channel its identity are less than familiar. lt’s Jamie Oliver: he‘s the Naked Chef from the BBC: so why is he drooling all over his kitchen on Channel 4'? Carol Vorderman: she‘s the undisputed queen of Channel 4: except when she‘s defending ropy sitcoms on the BBC. It‘s all a big. horrible mess. Though you can almost forgive five and lTV: they‘re just irredeemably poor. Five spent a major pan of its early days on this earth in a blizzard while lTV has kept us all in the dark over the reason behind its existence for some time now. The BBC will always have a sense of some dignity despite Lottery shows and Charlie Dimmock. with original telly writers such as Tony Marchant and Stephen Poliakoff giving the drama department a sense of wellbeing amid a raft ofAndrew Davies rewrites.

WhatDidTheyThinli?

Max

Product deSIgner It was better than I expected. She's in a different league to Britney and Christina. She put on an excellent show and she has an excellent voice.

EMBRYOS AND CANCER VICTIMS ARE AS DIVERSE AS CHANNEL 4 GETS NOWADAYS

But how can you explain the fate of Channel 4‘.’ Being born in 1982 with such good intentions of focusing on diversity and minority interests. now it‘s wall-to-wall property valuations. tests of human endurance and Vernon Kay. While it still gives us the odd excellent drama (.S'liame/ess and The Sopranos for two) and documentary. the channel has slid into a gutter marked for the attention of its five brethren.

Perhaps the very worst thing on Channel 4 at the moment is the string of documentaries with either lascivious titles (The Man Who Ate His Lot‘er/ Al‘t'ltbisllop's Liver) or shocking material dressed up as pioneering journalism. So. we have The Boy ll'llosv Skin I'l’l/ with its bizarre magic realism. and now My l-‘uetus. A potentially challenging broadcast in which a pregnant filmmaker is confronted by her own pro-choice views. it‘s spoiled by firstly believing that one horrific billboard image and a brief medical procedure will suddenly open up a brand new debate and secondly. perhaps tnore worryingly. the inclusion of a wonky jazz soundtrack. Whether it‘s autopsies. abortions or Russian Roulette. Channel 4 seems to be dining out on its own sense of semi-anarchic importance. Lean times may yet be ahead.

My Foetus is on Channel 4, Tue 20 Apr, 1 1 .05pm.

Fiona Anya & Eve Soc‘ia/ worker Chef 8 PhD Absolutely student

I went to the one On Saturday in Sheffield too. I'd follow her tour round the country if I could afford it. Pink is hot. definiteiy fancy her.

amazing. loved it! | go out and see Marilyn Manson. so it's good to see a lady tying up a man for a change. I love it.