O Raking through the dustbin of gossip and trivia

I Insider has had so much fun reading the letter that David Beckham wrote to the good people of the Gillette company in the US. most of whom had never heard of him ilucky them. that Insider would like to direct you all to metliagiiardian.co.uk to hunt it out. The letter is a work of ghostly Salingeresgue brilliance ~- it needs to he seen to he helieyed. Beckhain ‘.',’|H. of ceiirse, soon he seen advertising Gillette's products around the ‘.'.’()l‘l(l.

I Having Just spent three irreeks in a nuclear hunker with a hunch of National Union of Journalists sunrwalrsts tone for Insider's memoirs you will find no kiss and tell stories herei. Insider had plenty of time to i‘emeinher the good old days of Journalism school all those years ago. Back then Insider had the misfortune to he inyited on the Kilroy set as part of the course ithe dehate was ahout freedom of the press during the inenopausel. Before the show Kilroy came out to talk to all the wannahe hacks and assorted white trash that tend to populate his shows and instructed the crowd not. under any circiimstances. to touch his hair at any stage of the hroadcast. Could it he that the silver haired Eui'ophohe irrears a rug or was it that the EEO suhsidised Hungarian hairspray that he liked to use w; s so volatile


Don’t tout?“ the rug, peeple

that it could cause an outhreak of sanity when ruffled?

Now for a few little things that have caused Insider terrihle chagrin recently. The pop hand Speedway have linked up Willi VisitScotlands online sen/ice to promote nice places to eat and drink in Scotland's major cities. How rock and roll. Artie Bucco. the chef from The Sopranos. has launched a fro/en gourmet pix/a selection. Artie. you know the food has to he fresh . . . capisce’? Bob Dylan has heen awarded an honorary degree from St Andrew's Ulll\.r’(}l'f§ll\,”. Insider has played golf with him in Dumper Truck Just Outside Wichita and he really isn't very good.

June Brown takes her handbag to Fortress Wapping

Where The Sun don't shine


. Mchlan of .. quf‘i‘foon

so what you doing giving him a degree. you fools? Ofcom's radio licence for the Edinburgh region is up for grabs. and from what Insider can gather. it's rust a hunch of dullards and mainstreainers competing. Please. for God's sake. will someone enter the fray wrth some noisy terrorist radio revolution: your capital needs you. Really badly.

l It‘s been a long time since Insider strolled down Wapping way to take in the stench of lost souls and broken dreams that comes piling out of the assorted blackened chimneys of Fortress Wapping, which houses The Sun newspaper. Gnomic ranter and minor celeb chaperone Rebekah Wade came to power in this smog-bound kingdom a few years ago in a hail of revisionism and Major-style declarations of a return to good old reactionary behaviour (without the egg-bOund Currie squatting over her face. of course). Well. it seems the lady has finally done the unthinkable and upset that most powerful of media families the EastEnders clan.

Apparently. on Wednesday 9 June. her newspaper ran a piece headed 'Pete gets caned in Thailand' which appeared in the Bizarre section of the paper. It described the process of rehabilitation upon which Libertines frontman Pete Doherty is now embarking, having recently checked himself into the Thamkrabok Monastery in Thailand. The article described the place as a ‘notorious hellhole’. a prison run by an ex-marine in which the patients are held under armed guard and fed 'poison' and beaten with canes (it may have been a better place to buy fake internment camp snaps. Piers, make a note to yourself). It turns out that the monastery is run by the kindly 77-year-old Abbott Luang Por Charoan Parnchard whose drugs detoxification programmes are respected all over the world. Worse still, the monastery's legal representation in the UK is TKB a partnership

formed by June Brown (Dot Cotton from EastEnders) and the lady is livid.

The Front

‘lt’s sparse, atmospheric pop with a hint of



A record company description of Minnie Driver Springsteen-iiif/uenced ferthcomi'ng debut album.

‘Maybe she’s in denial. I don’t really know her but I guess she’s cooler than I thought since she can just get on and talk shit.’

Fred “Gentleman J/m' Durst guashes those frenzred rumours that he wants to ‘bang' Avril Lavigne.

‘We’ve found that mutton kidneys aren’t terribly popular. We have some available but they tend to end up in the bin.’

Helen Monaghan, manager of the James Joyce Centre and grand niece of the Ulysses author. notes one aspect of the Bloomsday centenary celebrations that were even harder to stomach than the hook.

‘It will be weird seeing him out of his Gollum gimp suit. I hope we can both make the adjustment.’

Peter Jackson on his Lord of the Rings star Andy Se/‘k/s' new job as King Kong.

‘She refused to allow me to watch the game although I promised not to oversleep or shun my responsibility of sending the children to schooL’

A Malaysian father recalls the moment of terror when his wife found him watching England's defeat against France in the dead of n/ght. She proceeded to beat him savage/y over the head wrth their remote control.

‘l’m one of the fogeys who are no longer interesting.’ At 4 l - years-old. pensronab/e o/d duffer Alex Kingston mourns the death of her ER role.

Coffin dodger?

7-1 Jim 8 .J;i| 701).: THE LIST 1 ‘l