Answer machine

As CRAIG HILL prepares to don the kilt for his T in the Park telly adventure, we wonder why he smells of milk.

If you had one day to live who would you choose to spend it with?

Me. because we get on very well.

Which time in history would you have loved to have lived?

The swinging 60s because suits were cut like nothing else and l w0uld love to get away with dressing that sharp. It was a time when men and women could be glamorous at the same time. Not sure if Glasgow was quite the hit in the 60s that London was. th0ugh. What’s your favourite punchline?

'ls that an Arab Custom?

Where did the love of the kilt come from?

It came from a need to look like The SOund of Music album for a poster and I didn't want to be in drag. so it suddenly occurred to me that a kilt would do the job. And I used to work in a t0urist shop where they forced you do it anyway and I had one because of that. What’s your favourite biscuit?

Rockys. I just like the indulgent caramel centre.

What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?

‘Candle in the Bloody Wind'. I've never lived my life like a candle in the wrnd. 'Heaven Must be Missing an Angel' w0uld be more appropriate.

How big do you tip in restaurants?

The standard 10% and a wee smile.

What’s your least favourite part of the world? Probably the SOuth in MissiSSIppi because from everything I hear. it seems like this world from 50 years

The Bureau of Orfdz'tz'es

ago where they have such prejudice of everything they can. They just seem to live in their own little backwater. Who would you like to see playing you in the film of your life and who do you think the producers would pick?

It w0uld be quite a stretch for Robert Carlyle; it may be so wrong for him, it might just be right. But they might go for Max Wall if he was still alive. th0ugh it would probably be Jimmy Sommerville. another Glaswegian with a high-pitched voice and shaved head.

What’s your all-time favourite sitcom?

The Good Life. I absolutely loved that. Penelope Keith was an absolute star. I love the idea of this character who doesn't realise just how funny she was.

How many times do you look in the mirror every day?

Once in the morning. once in the evening and twice when I'm getting dressed.

Who’s the best dressed British celebrity?

I would have to say David Beckham mainly because he‘s just so brave. If you're a footballer and y0u're down the pub. it takes a lot of guts to put on the stuff he does. When did you last dance?

Monday night. I‘d been to a film at 5pm and it all ended at CC Blooms at 3am dancing with some dear. dear friends. Though I w0uldn't strictly call it dancing.

When did you last cry?

Monday night. I drank more than I ever should have and met a flatmate from about four years ago. I was guite overwhelmed. and the tears flowed from me like a tap. Are you a cat or dog man?

Neither, deSpite having two cats. l‘ve warmed to them now and they seem to like me in the mornings over breakfast. I think I must smell of milk.

What’s the last thing you stole?

Cheese from my boyfriend.

I T on the Park coverage starts on BBC3, Sat 70 Jul. 7pm. Craig H/// plays the Pod Deco, Edinburgh, 6—30 Aug.

John for rdel’f’


Episode @ 0f 7

l've been rereu/c'vtiry the Hard Man Unde/gfourjd ‘or weeks, for my é/ajgowir Secret Gangland book]

ldt‘nnae Ive/[eve th/r/ it {here no a Jingle real

the Clyde, is nearly fi'nimed Canongate are very interesteg...

well rvo bad! My novel, Razor: on

~:. Milo! Are you ail/gut?


I leg?“


{A I


1 12 THE LIST 8—22 Jul 2004

" You absolute blxafd.’ Thaw we title of my novel!

hard Man in the «rig

Lock this gang '3' my material! I've Had more mane! yubluhed M Welt (can: Write/1’ (your Month/5f

except "‘8 “dd the Chi-€{e You’re all fit“ middle— Clay; write/r."

I’m not mt'JJle—clarr.’

My parents didn't Evert own a dirtiwwher.


l’ou Couldn't wn‘te q gaze—5‘ “We to fave your life, you Charlatan .’ "

“It! is Milo... I'm M012 secfet HQ Of the

Hard Man Underground... You'd betth (ante Quick J before cheg kill each other.

For the /qré time : {WM/e are G/Mjow City Council keepi'nj the Frank Grubb/P Mackintom col/ettl‘on .9

"" ‘- I've fold you: t dinnae ken!

Noted know what if M turedm Look, 41! we huV

me i; m: posccard‘ grzed print!

‘37" Come on! "' tick amide! To the n'vm’