Answer machine

Music journalist, film critic, Fringe performer. ANDREW COLLINS has done the lot. But why do Billy Bragg, Tony Hancock and paint pots make him tremble with emotion?

If you had one day to live, who would you choose to spend it with? And why? My Wife. Who else w0uld agree to watch The Godfather parts one and two back-to-back again after a nice walk around Priory Park in Reigate to see the Egyptian Geese who have. for some reason. deCIded to nest in Surrey and not Egypt.

Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke?

'I dOn't know. it all happened so fast.“ Which time in history would you have loved to have lived? And why?

1775. I would like to have been a doughty. anti- monarchist British settler in LeXington. Massachusetts where the first shots of the War of Independence were fired. Because Paul Revere never did actually say ‘The British are coming!' (he actually said 'The regulars are Outf'i. I'd very mucn like to say it for him. What’s your favourite biscuit? A rice cake. I eat them raw. How big do you tip in restaurants?

I go 10%» first. then add whatever seems to make it a bit more generous. I hate restaurants where they add a sen/ice charge automatically. I want the pleaSure of seeing specific gratitude in a waiters eyes directed at me. When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book? Somev-xhere towards the beginning of Bill Bryson's A

Short History of Nearly Everything.

Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Who do you actually think would play you?

Adrien Brody. The bloke who was in that Yellow Pages advert abOut the French polisher. if he's still an actor. When did you last cry? What was the reason, and how long did the tears run for?

The last time I listened to 'Tank Park Salute' by Billy Bragg. the saddest song in the wond. It's about the death of his father ('Daddy is it true that we all have to die). The tears ran down my face like LeVi Stubbs for the duration of the song. TWice.

What’s your lucky number?

My mum likes six because a lot of houses we‘ve lived in. as a family and as indiVidual famin members. have had sixes in. Not all of them though, which as a non- superstitious person I like.

If you won a million pounds, what is the most expensive thing you’d buy?

My own wind farm.

Are you a cat or dog person? And why?

Cat. Because cats live an enyiable life of sleep. wandering abOut. birdwatching and sleep. I love cats. which proves I am in tOuch With my feminine side. What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? And why? Hancock's Half Hour. Because even when he's coasting Or reading off idiot boards. Hancock defines both TV comedy and the second Elizabethan age in which he openned.

What’s your biggest regret?

BalanCing a full and unopened pot of white emulsion paint on my head at my parents' house for a laugh. It fell off, opened on impact. and they had to claim on the inSurance and have the entire hall re-carpeted because I was an arse.

I Andrew Col/ins presents his own show on BBC6. Mon—Fri”, 4—7pm and The Day The Musrc Died on Radio 2. Thu, 70pm.

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