tfieLEECH
Sucking the blood of popular entertainment
I liven the l eech"; lllttlltllthlfs ear and godless soul were stirred ly. the inertia snap crackle that anticipated the Pope‘s clogs l)()[)l)|ll(_]. Breakfast all but forgotten, struggling to resist the awareness of lil()ll{tlli'. that r7t>tl‘t:f; from gawping at a live, decomposing corpse with t)l|llt)llf3 of others. it was; with a heavy heart that the Leech linall; spread lard on crumpet. Yes. Scotland's national health lied Tennents and Turkey Nizzlers from the teat and happy scraping a living in the sick man of Europe's hum guts, the Leech teit compelled to attend New York's lartan Week, where the benefits; of our Impending smoking ban were neint; flogged like coal and snow to second generation GeortlieL:;kiri‘(>s. Sexeral of the Leech's ancestny sucked their last on coffin ships bound tor America and their sacrifice is commemorateti wrth an annual stocking up of duty- free bourbon, beef jerky and Mormon porn. But on this trip. the Leech was also tobacco lohhs. ind. chas‘ing health minister Andy Kerr around 10km of soggy, Central Park, Not once getting near the .137xear old. the Leech conceded defeat as the sen, MSP finished ith minutes and t‘.'.'o day s hetore \our correspondent.
I Gastronomic n‘atters were on the Leech's mind throughout Rottw- Coltrane's penomuint‘e M The Brother’s Suit. part of Oran Mo: 's A Play. A Pie and A Pint season. lt prompted another hitter n‘enwn. at America. the news that h'i'CDOl‘LlltiS ‘:1 bribing rappers to include references to Big Macs in their hues. those daddy Macs of heart disease, obesity and slothful sperm. M s MCFiurn of L‘Or'po:ate COC‘ASuL‘m "t: e‘t the Leech nostalgic tOr the ‘07: hip hop' of DISClDlGS of Panic Em". Falkirk's free range rap sometime.
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With Charlie and the Chocolate Factory coming out in July, the Willy Wonka look is going to be everywhere. You know the deal — mandarin-collared velvet jackets. top hats, purple leather gloves and shoes and a penchant for drowning small. spoilt children in a river of chocolate. Where Johnny Depp leads we all follow.
If the McCartney sisters
taught us one thing it is that \ the mythical Irish craic is well and truly dead. You are more likely to be offered a free mercy killing with your overpriced pint of Guinness in an Irish theme pub these days than see a leprechaun playing a fiddle. Mmm, controversial - like you weren‘t thinking it already.