Rolling notes gather Kate Moss

I Win a juicy libel claim against The Sunday Mirror and what future can you expect? Kate Moss found out the answer after winning ‘substantial‘ damages from the paper earlier this summer, then in September The Mirror indulged in a character assassination with ‘shocking pictures of Kate Moss snorting a fat line of cocaine during a debauched drugs and drink session’. What a dream for a tabloid editor. Here’s a chance to put one of the world’s most gorgeous women on the cover because she's done something glamorously naughty. Ker-ching. No wonder the rest of the world’s press picked up the story: over 2000 newspaper stories have been published on the subject of Cocaine Kate, and nearly every British paper put a photo of Moss on its cover. They faithfully informed their readers (always with a photo) as H&M, Chanel and Burberry cancelled their lucrative modelling contracts with her. Not to be outdone, Sky One announced that it is to broadcast a ‘balanced’ documentary, including ‘worldwide exclusive video footage of the incident'. Two weeks after breaking the story, The Mirror continued to publish ‘exclusives', including news that police might shock! prosecute Moss, ‘now in rehab in Arizona’, for her alleged misdemeanours. Hell hath no fury like a tabloid scorned.

lo and behold, his successor Patricia Ferguson (pictured, left)


Turning pretentiousness into a fine art

I Welcome to a world in which there’s no cocaine, no bodily fluids, nothing nasty: only a lurid dreamscape of beautiful people draped over each other in soft focus. And in Pop magazine, quite a few of them manage to do it without very many clothes on at all. Just like real life in Scotland, really. But alongside its surreally beautiful shoots, Pop shoehorns in some excellent interviews, including one with New York drag queen Guido (‘With false eyelashes you really create your own eye. With drag, scale is everything.) and - honestly an astonishingly insightful chat with Abi Titmuss (‘Ulrika? The name still does make me feel a bit sick, to be honest.)

I In contrast, 10 magazine eschews any pretence at meaningful editorial content in favour of brazen advertorials. ‘Yves Saint Laurent - let’s face it, boys and girls (especially you metrosexuals and gays out there), those are the three words you really want to hear from a significant other.’ Still, it’s big enough to be useful as a doorstop.

I But at least 10 is honest about what it is doing. Compare it with Plastic Rhino. The magazine looks promising, with a sticker of a rhino on the cover, but inside it is carved up into six pretend mini-mags, each bizarrely ‘guest edited’ by a member of the editorial team. There’s some excellent art photography, sometimes even a decent fashion shoot, but then there's the text. ‘Where do you think is G spot - G-enius?’ is one of many lip- curling interview questions. We won't bother you with the response.

often ‘baffling’ and in parts ‘unreadable’, it is essential that

‘Hello Plymouth, this is my new single, “Call My Name”, bla bla, fuck off.’ Charlotte ‘voice of an angel' Church warms up backstage.

‘We’d lie there on the bed, collectively wanking . . . That’s all part of being mates in a rock band. Well it was in those days. I don’t know if people do it now. It might be a bit “uncool”.’ Status Ouo's Rick Parfitt from Status Ouo has a charming idea of coolness.

‘lt’s a terrible breach of etiquette to be invited to make a heartfelt, personal plea which hasn’t been written for you by a research team.’

NBC responds to Kanye West breaking script and criticising George Bush on live TV.

‘I felt it was important for us as a cast to get to know each other, as we were dealing with some pretty heavy dramatic dynamics.’ Lost star Matthew Fox's excuse for trying to skinny-dip with his attractive female colleagues.

‘I think maybe it becomes a bit more boring when you keep winning.’

Che/sea midfielder Frank Lampard has a Eureka moment about the problem in this year's premiership.

‘We play them at their own game and moon out of the window or display our breasts.’

That Kelly Brook '3 lOund a surefire way to punish lairy male drivers on the motorway.

dismisses its findings in a parliamentary debate. Just as

MSPs engage with its findings. Not least, she argued, they must take

COMMISSION SlN-BINNED Cultural listening exercise gets short shrift from MSPs

I It’s hard to suppress a groan at the predictability of it all. Former culture minister Frank McAveety commissions an ambitious review of culture at a cost of £600,000 and,

8 THE LIST (3-20 Oct 2005

predictably, The Scotsman - in a crowing editorial - branded the Commission ‘a disaster from start to finish’, and claimed that funding it came from ‘robbing the budgets of arts organisations’. Even its news story said the report was ‘dead on arrival’. In The Sunday Times, Jenny Hjul took a conciliatory line, concluding that, while the report is

seriously the report’s call for an

page 14 with a small unsigned snippet, noting tepidly that the report was published to a ‘mixed reaction’. Could the paper be holding back, angling for a

extra £100 million per year for the arts. The only real surprise came in The Herald, which put the story on

government-backed ‘exclusive’?