RA How the papers filled their pages this fortnight
BIG BOVVA
Celeb MP has journos smoking
I Stick a page 3 model and a transvestite pop singer in a gorilla coat on TV, and of course you’ll get the tabloids going crazy. But throw a politician with a Cuban cigar into the mix, and the ‘serious' papers will positively froth at the mouth. While furious aides of George Galloway were claiming (in the East London Advertiser) that the Respect MP was ‘stitched up' by Big Brother’s producers because none of his Iraq War discussions was being broadcast, heavyweight columnists were lining up to take a pot at the dapper Dundonian. Muriel Gray (Sunday Herald) described him as the ‘distilled essence of vanity’. and the Herald’s Ruth Wishart fumed that ‘Galloway’s political demise is a wholly self-inflicted wound over which few colleagues and increasingly few voters will lose any sleep‘. Meanwhile, the Observer’s Nick Cohen stuck a burning fag end into the MRS beliefs. claiming that Galloway has ‘greeted a genocidal tyrant with: “Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability!" He has,’ Cohen continued, ‘described the fall of Soviet communism “as the worst day of my life".’ Galloway may have been the man who said of Fidel Castro that ‘he’s not a dictator’, but most columnists concurred with Gray: ‘He is just a bit of a dick.‘
MOTORMOUTH MURRAY Plays like a woman. talks like a boy I Who’d have thought that Andrew Murray’s biggest media banana skin would come in the form of the opposite sex? Despite the fact that he’s barely old enough to vote, the rising star of British tennis came in for a barrage of righteous indignation for one short post- match comment last week. ‘Me and my big mouth!’ jibed the Mirror, its sister paper the Record echoing with ‘Murray’s big boo boo’ as they reported on his post- match courtside comment that in carving out a victory both he and his opponent had ‘played like women’. Murray, they explained, was booed by an angry crowd throughout the rest of his public
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GAY MAGAZII
Right queer, right now
I It’s a month since the first same-sex civil partnerships were sealed and Gay Times, one of the oldest mags for boys who like boys, has found itself a fertile new stream of advertising revenue. It’s positively bulging with ads for wedding venues touting for new business. The magazine, which provides by far the most comprehensive coverage of British gay life, also has an interview with gay police chief Brian Paddick. ‘He steers away from describing himself as a survivor, because a Richard Littlejohn column once carried a cartoon of him and Peter Mandelson singing a duet of “I Will Survive,"’ it says.
I Attitude, which gets a massive kick out of heteros, finds itself in a sweat over Brokeback Mountain, persuades Big Brother Geordie Anthony Hutton - yes, the straight one - to get his kit off, and swoons over a bloke from Shameless who plays the brother of the gay one. There’s also a true life feature about brothers who are both gay.
I Diva, the lesbian magazine, has come up with its own version of Celebdaq. the measure of whose stock is up and who's plummeting in the world of glamour and fame. lts inaugural Lesdaq features Ellen Degeneres, who gets a pretty healthy rating for power and self-publicity. but only 70 out of 100 for shagability. There's also a feature about how to handle Christmas in a non-nuclear family unit. and a piece exploring sexual orientation labels. ‘I am feminine in my power. my fat, my aggressiveness and intelligence,‘ argues academic and activist. Jessica Eva Humphrey. We hear her roar.
Preston, was more sanguine. His ‘jokey remark’, she claimed, ‘was reported - largely by people in offices a hemisphere away - as though he had been guilty of
‘genial interview’ and instead of ‘leaping out of their seats in outrage’, they ‘Iaughed when they
rampant misogyny and had caused a near riot.’ In fact, it was part of a
‘With floor to ceiling windows it’s probably best for the neighbours that I don’t get one.’
Danni Minogue may not be investing in that pole to brush up on her dance skills after all.
‘One day there may be a wife, but now I’m just interviewing for the position.’
50 Cent is clearly just an old- fashioned guy.
‘The pink ones are phenomenal.’
Liz Hurley discusses her new obsession: French Fancies.
‘l have eaten bulls’ ears. Grim? No. Lovely, actually.’ David Beckham discusses his new obsession: cow lugs.
‘They’re pretty useful skills for everyday life anyway.’ Orlando Bloom insists that taking Clowning lessons isn 't just for the moment he runs away to the circus.
‘Can you tell her I’m sorry?’ Noel Gallagher learns a bit of decorum after accidentally dubbing KT Tunstall as ‘bland'.
‘She was telling me not to look at her tits. I was trying to be a gentleman and sort of asking for a glimpse.’ Jonathan Rhys-Meyers recalls his close encounter with Match Point co-star Scarlett Johansson.
‘I love the man, I feel like him. Only Richard Ashcroft and Liam Gallagher know what it feels like. We’re the only ones who know how many people we’ve touched and how powerful that is.’ Richard Ashcroft gets all Jesus on us.
interview. The Scotsman, Telegraph and Independent sternly took him to task. However, the Guardian’s Auckland correspondent, Eleanor
were supposed to and applauded him off court’. The moral? Never open your mouth during the journalistic silly season.