and a wolfish smile.
I Over 20 million cards are sent worldede. One enormous group email COuld save three rainforests.
5. Join a dance class Get fit \.‘.’|lll a Funk Workout at the Dance House. Glasgow (01/11 332 1490). try your hand at being hip With Street Dancing. Dancebase. Edinburgh (0131 225 5525) offers the chance to Dance a Story through mime. Belly DanCing fOr beginners and for any early rising 19808 throw-backs. there's Retro Bix.
6. Gatecrash Infiltrating parties you're not inVited to is far easier if you're flying solo. Nicholas Allen. author of The Complete Gurde to Gatecrash/ng. says: “A writer wants company but on their own terms. I live by my own rules. and one of them is never to drink alone. A party. espeCially a party of strangers. is the ideal milieu. The writer can talk and drink. then walk away. The constant deception of gatecrashing leads you into a private world. probably like that of a successful hitman.‘
7. Get ridiculously positive Despite your many. many flaws. you are a unique and beautiful snowflake.
8. Join a club And shun riff-raft. Toby, 38. from Edinburgh. is a member of the Scotch Malt Whisky Society (www.smws.com, 0131 226 9226). which enjoys elegant premises on Queen Street. Edinburgh and also at the Vaults in Leith. ‘lt's very nice when you're rushing about town. as I do. to have somewhere quiet. civilised. comfortable and without queues for the bar. The clientele is old school tie. posh Edinburgh. but it's hardly crusty retired types. And yOu get to share these very rare malt whiskies straight from the cask. It’s a good place fOr informal business meetings and catching up with school chums.‘
9. Lavish all your affection on an exotic pet Robert Ferguson of Ferguson's Pet Needs and Feeds in Glasgow (0141 556 7126i. recommends a baby bearded dragon. because ‘they‘re adaptable like a dog or a cat. yOu can run them about the house and they won't bite you'. About four inches long. though they usually grow to about 16 inches. these loveable lizards eat turnip greens and are only mildly venomous. Ferguson's sells them from between $375—$295. as well as spiders. snakes and cockatiels.
10. Live longer Scientists at the University of Sheffield claim celibate people enjoy greater life expectancy. stating: ‘The goal of evolution is not to live longer but to leave as many offspring as possible so if you produce a lot of offspring and die young then you have done your job in evolutionary terms.’ They arrived at this conclusion
‘I SPENT A FORMATIVE PART OF MY LIFE MAKING
DEC SIONS _ B ED ON
SO EONE ELSE'
studying nematode woriits tinrl 'itit‘s
11. Indulge those voices in your head Carry on your (L’)lt‘.(?lf3(llli’)ll .v:tli them iii the bath. and over breakfast
12. Shop for as long as you want to Don't you feel for the woman who has to drag her bloke shop; ting, leaving him to sit on the (lfllliii‘véllt outside the changing room iii Jigsaw. lust so he can mumble. ‘Yeah, quite like that one' event time she pokes her head sheepishly round the curtain?
13. Become a free-floating flaneur Only the terminally unimaginative and tourists embark on guided tours of Glasgow and Edinburgh. so wander lonely as an exhaust fume and wherever instinct takes you.
14. Dance naked round the room like nobody’s watching Who cares if the old dear over the road actually is. and the police uncover a fig leaf-free Jitterbug.
15. Enjoy the thought of your next relationship Better than the memory. better than the act itself, is the anticipation of kissing someone for the very first time.
16. Fart in bed as much as you like
17. Make a film Not as impossible as it might sound. Think Tar/tattoo lthe acclaimed Super 8 documentary that cost 8218 to filml. For location ideas visit wwvv.scotlandthenioViecoin.
18. Stand for the Scottish Parliament According to the Electoral CommiSSion, any British. Commonwealth, Republic of Ireland Or EU CliIZBR currently resident in the UK. who is at least 21 but not a judge. civil servant. police officer. member of HM armed forces. with a £500 deposit can put themselves forward as a prospective MSP. Even conVicted Criminals may seek election. prowding they are not currently incarcerated Or 'unlawfully at large'. Registering the Really Chippy singletons Party is probably gong to be a little trickier. but it didn't stop the Grumpy Old Men Party. Adam Lyall's Witchery Tour Party or the Church of the Militant Elws Party seeking their Crack at being voted into power.
THE LONE TRAVELLER
Torn Turnbull, 24, has been single since May 2004. In ordinary life he’s a web designer from Edinburgh, but he is currently cycling solo across Thailand, having toured alone from California to Florida last year.
‘ hen | e} eled from San Diego to l-lorida. tt‘a\el wax about me. gi\ing tne titne to think llllllgN thiottgh. I'd been single for \e\ en lllitllllh. btit dttrtng that time I'd started a
new job. been iii a stupid rebound relationxhip and had .i pi'ett} ei.i/_\ time. I ltad ne\ er reall} taken time to think e\ei'} thing through and deal with the el'teet breaking tip alter \i\ _\e;ii\ ll;|\. .~\nd that trip lt‘.lll} helped. I was e}eling through desertx for da_\\ with barelx .i [‘t‘lMlll to talk to. It wax llllpthlllic not to tltink.
“I‘hix lt'ip around 'l'hailand is different. l'ni tneetittg a lot more people and there's tnore to do: di\ ing. i‘oek elitnbing. \ightweing. \winiining. eating and drinking. I‘m not looking for rontanee. 'l‘he l't‘l.lllttll\llll‘\ that dexelop while lt'a\e|ling are too ephemeral tor the
'I enjoyed being iii a relationship for so long btit l was lo when it started. so I spent a lortnati\e part of in} life tiiakitig lllii\l ot ni_\ deeixionx based on someone else. So to \witeh to e\pei‘ieneiiig e\er_\thing tor in_\\elt was a huge ehange. .'\nd I think tliat‘x what I struggled with lllttxl at Ill‘\l.
‘But now I ean be ax \ellish as I want beeauxe exer} deeixion l\ purel} tor tne. I spend lll_\ nione} how I want. go where I want and do nothing il' I want. There are \t) inan} more opporttiiiitiex. (’_\eliitg across the States e\'et'_\ da} people would eonte to find otit what I \\.1\ doing and \o man} ga\ e the food or a plaee to \ta}. It made the realixe I needed to start lixing life for tn_\'\ell'. l enio} writing and people seemed to enjoy reading about my ride aerosx .-\ineriea. .'\nd it\ good to read the blogx of people l'\ e met on lll_\ tra\el\. seeing how the} get on and eotnpat‘ing experieneex.
"l‘here are so many new things to learn. With \w ing daneing I'd seen it being done when l was in :\ll\llll and New Orleans and wax aiiia/ed. When I got baek to lidinburgh l \tarted going to lL‘\\till\ at the lloiigo (‘lub and loved it. It's a lantastie wax to meet people and a great \l_\ le ol' daneing. 'l’hings like di\'ing and eliinbing I'd just heard so lllltll} friends talk about how fantastie the} are. so thought I'd gi\ e them a ti}.
"l'he bad things that have happened to me traxelliiig would ll;l\ e happened whether or not I was alone being hit b_\ a ear in New Mexieo for example. 'l‘hings like that happen: there\ not a lot }oti eaii do. I guess it's easier for the being a bloke but l‘xe ne\ er felt in danger because l‘in alone.‘
www.thomasturnbull.blogspot.com.
'. :..g , ' THE LIST 21