Bul y for you
As JIM BOWEN gets set to storm the Glasgow International Comedy Festival, Paul Morley reflects on how life can be summed up in one enigmatic phrase.
I hurts me to report that Bul/sew. the magnilicently
dodgy cult game show based around the semi-sport
ol' darts that became a telly institution in the early 80s. is to be reyiycd by (‘hallcngc TV. .-\lthough the booming Voice of Darts ’l‘ony (ireen w ill be back. .lim Bowen will not he the host. This will he like The Generation Home without Bruce and .li'iii‘l/ l’i'i It without Sayile. The reason li’ii/lst'yr' worked (largely by not working). was because ol' the host and his near deprayed relationship with the bal'l'led contestants. .\'ot because ot the rules. which. although spectacularly simple. can take up to a day to explain. .-\nd certainly not eycn becatise the main pri/e giyen to winners who liyed as tar away from w atcr as it is possible to in Britain was a specdboat.
Who can recapture the rough. amiable but tortured genius ot‘ Bowen. adopted as a baby who became a deputy head teacher in Blackburn. who out til now here decided to become a stand-up in the cruel. unlorgiy ing clubs ot~ Lancashire‘.’ li‘it‘th choice to be the li’ii/lst‘yi' host. Bowen ended tip regularly handing out Bendy Bullys — rubber models of the show ‘s grotesque mascot — like they were ()Blis to the kind of people who were neyer really seen again on British teleyision until Trix/m and Hire Suit/i.
Who can possibly deliyer ‘look at what you could haye won‘ with the same shattered panache'.’ liarly 4/1 l'ayourite Peter Kay would inhabit the role with the subtly reckless relish ol' ()liyier in The Ifiirt'rrui'iiei'. but you haye to look elsewhere in the betting tor a more realistic possibility. Barrymore at 5/] might bring the brassy. existential desperation: (‘annon and Ball at (W
36 THE LIST .3-‘e Mai 333'}
HE HANDED OUT BENDY BULLYS LIKE THEY WERE OBES
.' L ‘ ‘ . p ' i
the sweaty underdog hopelessness: .-\| Murray at 6/1 the coarse clumsiness: .lohnny Vegas at 7/l the blasted bluster: Dr lirank Skinner and .lim l)a\idson at l4/l the matey. ruthless timing: 'l'arbuck at IS/l the Northern chirp. cheek and charm; \Vinton and (‘lary' at .‘~.‘~/l the \aguely menacing campness: Lynani at 40/]
the spooky other worldliness: (‘hegwin at 50/] the tear
and loathing: .lordan at Sll/l the dullard persistence:
and l.i/ Hurley at litl/l the suhlimcly \acant way ol
replying to a contestant who say s that he is out ol' work with the words ‘super. smashing. great‘. But only Bowen can put all that together and make it seem easy. and at the same time rubbish.
He sends his best wishes to the new programme. but he's not tempted. .'\t ()8 "plus \'.-\'I”. _ia//-loying Jim‘s blisst‘ully content in semi-retirement in his house outside Lancaster. still insisting he neyer actually said 'supcr. smashing. great‘ in that way. in that order. but
quietly chul'l‘ed that he‘s remembered at all l‘or
anything. l‘rom his heautit'ully appointed conseryatory. he surycys the heayenly landscape of the Lake District with saintly wile l’hyliss. the hugger-oil Bentley with the .lim Sowcn number plate. his dog Sammy and his cat Smudge. lIe deliyers sparkling showbi/ memories to w hoey er will listen — or read. in his memoir Rig/ii 'li'iiii' Ric/i7 /)/(l('(‘ ~ with the perfect. sly blend of awe. sclt-deprecation and ego. He'll explain how the secret ot~ his success. and the answer to many of lil‘e's mysteries. are contained in the enigmatic phrase 'You can‘t beat a bit ot' bully.‘ But only it he says it.
Garage, Glasgow, Fri 10 & Sat 11 Mar.
The Mighty Boosh Jar:
freaks air: glam it: k tarts ‘.'.’li'i
ha.e their da; at: the Boosli lioystiii'ii; tit;"7.1,t‘t‘tlltilltil‘i.tiil See feature. page ‘i.%. Pair/it"? Wheat/ii, Grist; ‘i‘., 813-1 8 Sti't .‘i it 7a.".
Jerry Springer: The Opera The Christians will be iii) in arms as Sir-rciai't l or} and Richard Thomas' outrageous musical rolls into it)‘.'.'ll. See Raise. page it). King's [heat/o. G/asgoi-.; Mon o‘» Sat 7 7 i‘vtar:
Jim Bowen lhe grand old man of it)‘.'."-ii game shows steps up to the oche for more jolly tales of showbiz and speedlioats. See i)t€3‘.’l0‘.'.’. left. Garage. Giasgow. Fri 70 8 Sat l 7 Mar.
Bruce Morton The finest Scottish stand-up il‘.'ltl{} and working in this country toda, brings a local tlaxour to the International fest. B/uti. Gi’asgoiic Fri 70 Mar; Cast/erixi/i'i Community Centre. Glasgow. Sat 7 7 Mar.
Ronnie Corbett You might need to wear shades to shield y’OtlrSGii from the little fella's VI‘Jld wardrobe and shining i)‘3r80l'l€tlli‘,’. See feature. page 20. theatre Royal. G/(ISQO‘.‘.’. Sat 7 7 Mar.
Francesca Martinez 8. Joanna Neary You ma, hare seen Martinez being gently mocked in Extras :ihile Near; is a rismg star in the character comedy stakes. Brunton Theatre. Edinburgh, Sat 77 l“.4(1.r.
Scottish Comedy on TV: Father Ted vs Mason Boyne A heated debate presented by Lesley Riddoch which questions why so few comedy shows hit the spot up here. The Stand. G/asgow. Wed 75 Mar.
Alun Cochrane He's ditched the bell and comfy seat to offer us Comedy With Sad Bits. ‘f/thh is JUSi as you might think considering its title. Bret G/asgow. Thu 76 Mar.