‘THEY'RE POSSIBLY THE NICEST GUYS YOU COULD EVER WISH TO MEET'

Homo improveent

COLIN AND JUSTIN are the undisputed queens of home makeover TV. Janey Godley needs them in her life, but Bruce Devlin would rather be sick.

Janey Godley What eyery (ilaswegian middle-aged ltottsewile needs is a ('olin and .lttstin in our liy'es to eotne itt. arrange ottr eol‘l'ee pots. paint ottr hlinds. organise our love We. lix our hair and hold a dinner party for tis. We‘re all desperate .. hottsewiyes and (‘olin and Jttstin are good heeause they're a niee happy gay eouple who ean deeorate your house. I think there aren‘t many' gay eottples that tnake your mammy' say. "l‘hose are two lovely hoys.‘

I think their future sueeess lies in doing Bill/\(‘btlt'k .llomtluin: 'I’lit' illukt'oi't'r. 'l'hey' eottld dress the horses up and paint their hooyes. 'l'hat eampl‘ire wouldn‘t haye heen sueh a mess it (‘olin and Jttstin were iny'oly'ed. And that tent there would haye heen aeeessories in the tent. I lllllll's they're destined IAUI‘ Hollywood.

l'y'e got lots of gay male l‘riends who are really

hitehy and really sharp. and I |o\e that sense ol~

humour. I'd like to .see ('olin attd Justin argue more heeause there‘s nothing tnore interesting than a gay domestie. l was in a supermarket and folk ran to see two homosexuals lighting. heeause it really is street theatre. It's not like straight lighting. (iay eouples light with l’aisley-patterned seat'yes: that's drama. that‘s great.

I think what we ean learn from (‘olin and Jttstin is that a same-sex eouple ean suryiye in a relationship. The two manage to eomhine their love ol‘ eaeh other.

their addietion to soft l’ahries and their love ol‘

painting. They eatt make it work. that‘s a wonderful example. ll’ it was a straight eouple ohsessed with decorating. there‘d he a diyoree.

Bruce Devlin I think they stiller lrom the littet that they're eyery suhurhan liousewil'e‘s idea of what a gay tnan is. ’l'hey're eatnp. they‘re allegedly quiek— wilted. and they don't eome across as heing partieularly intelligent. 'l‘hey' lime to speak at you in a New York ('ity' l'aggot way: really qttiekly. so they l‘eel as though they get the last word. They make tny tntnn who I think is their target audienee leel physically siek.

In one thing that l w atehed them in. (‘olin turned round and said. ‘I need to \ isualise .lude law and Kylie Minogue hel'ot‘e l ean go any ltn‘thet'f and I think. why '.’ Why do you need to do that'.’ They giye gay people a really had name. and that‘s speaking as a pool mysell'. Anyone ean eamp it tip. hill to eome out with sueh ittane shit? No wonder that the portrayal of homosexuals is still in ‘panto dame’ l‘ashion.

’l‘he hottom line with them is. I'm sure there are millions ol‘ other designers ottt there w ho are genuinely more talented. 'l‘hey’re possihly the nieest guys you eould eyer wish to meet I douhl it though. I would think that they're unahle to move away l‘rom their personas w hieh they’ye painstakingly eultiyated all these years It) lltll'gL'I their (ilasgtm \y‘til‘klllg-Clttss rtmls.

l‘m \ery glad to see that liiye is now putting them on things like Ill!) Bust l’t'u/i/t' Brett/ting Ill/It]. (iood luek to them a they’ye made loads ol‘ money. hut they ’re jttst a eouple ol' pools who aren‘t l‘aeing 4t) partieularly well. ljtist ean‘t he doing with them.

Janey Godley: Unscripted, Bluu, 25 Mar, as part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival. Bruce Devlin is a regular host at the Stand Comedy Club.

Hits FORTNIGHT’S TOP TIPS

LGBT Paths Get fit and pritnp your knowledge of the good. bad and downright naughty sides of queer life in Edinburgh. Seven self-guided walks around the city point out the landmarks. stories and lives of our history. See panel. page 64. Around Edinburgh,- leaflets available at various locations.

>k Paradox The first in a series of special events hosted by DJ Carpe Diem (Velvet). HtFi Sean (Burly), Kevin Price and Mistress of Ceremonies Celine. There‘s a charity slave auction in aid of Cancer Research UK. and it's worth going just to check out the atmospheric venue itself. The Caves. Edinburgh, Sat 78 Mar.

>I< Splash Trendy Wendy's latest venture at Ego features mash-up maestro mixologists 2 Many JDs and fellow residents Betty Ford and Jon Pleased Wimmin. This month, house stalwarts Jason Cortez (Nuklearpuppy) and Dean Newton (Luvely) guest. Ego, Edinburgh, Sat 78 Mar.

it: Time to Leave (Le Temps qui reste) Francois Ozon's latest flick is the second in his trilogy on mourning. Romain fears he has AIDS but it’s cancer. He keeps it from his boyfriend and everyone else. except for his dying grandmother. A struggle to accept himself ensues. General release in May. GFT, Glasgow, Mon 20 Mar; Fi/mhouse, Edinburgh, Thu 30 Mar.

>i< The Vagina Monologues Carol Smillie. Jo Freer and Lesley Mackie star in Eve Ensler's hit play. which celebrates its tenth anniversary this year. Based on interviews with a broad spectrum of women across the globe, this exploration of female sexuality is powerful, humorous. exciting. and at times painful. King '3 Theatre. Glasgow, Mon 20—Sat 25 Mar.

to '1!) Mat WU; THE LIST 63