Still battling it out up near the top of the old school crooners’ premier league, GENE PITNEY’s fondness for touring endures, as does his fondness for Basil Fawlty, water biscuits and the ladies.

What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?

Put out the trash! lt‘s recycling day so I rock and rolled the trash can and cardboard and bottles down to the road for pickup!

Which time in history would you loved to have lived? And why?

Now. Even with all the turmoil in the world I think most people live lives that are at a very high standard compared to any time in the past. I think today is a fascinating time to live.

Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe, you have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be? Insurance policy to pay for the damage or the mistress hidden in the secret room. It‘s a toss up! What would be your ideal birthday present? It's not a case of haggis.

What was the last thing you stole?

A heart!

What’s your least favourite country? And why?

Tanzania. I've never been there.

112 THE LIST 8 My '3‘ in"

RearView ANSWER MACHINE

If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be?

X-ray VISion.

How many times a day do you look in the mirror?

Five to eight.

If you could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new, what would you choose to do?

Fishing gwde in either pristine Alaska or pristine New Zealand.

Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? You are on the other sude!

What’s your favourite biscuit?

Carr's water biscuits With onion flavouring.

What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?

‘24 Hours from Tulsa‘.

How big do you tip in restaurants?

My norm is 20%. It was 15% until my youngest son worked a summer at a shoreline restaurant and he explained to me how hard the work is and how much the workers look forward to the gratuity.

When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book?

1964.

Have you ever exploited your position to get something? Did you get the results you hoped for?

Yes. I used to shy away from saying ‘This is GP‘. but I eventually came to the conclusion that l have worked very hard to get to my position and should feel very comfortable with it.

Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Who do you actually think would play you?

Johnny Depp. Brad Pittney. er Brad Pitt!

When did you last dance? What was the occasion?

Last year. Wedding.

Do gentlemen prefer blondes?

Yes. and brunettes. red heads. etc.

Can you cook? If so, what’s your signature dish?

Grilled swordfish, curried rice, asparagus, starting with a spinach salad with pumpkin seeds. pecans. pear. and gorgonzola cheese topping.

What makes you good at what you do?

I‘ve been blessed with a unique voice and I work very hard to present the best show possible for the audience.

What’s your lucky number? Can you tell us how it has proved to be so.

23. l have no idea.

Are you a cat or dog person?

Both! Animal person I guess. They don't complain, nag. moan. etc. And dogs are always happy to see you.

What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? Why? Fawlty Towers. Brilliant in every way. Lucky there were only 13 episodes. Impossible to keep up that level of intensity.

What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a woman for? And was it successful or not? Twenty minutes. and no.

What do you like best about your life?

I have the best of all worlds. I pick and choose where I want to go and when. I only feel really good when I've accomplished something, be it a great show or cutting the grass. Lord stomp on the person who asks me when I am going to put my feet up.

I Rom/ Concert Ha//, G/asgow. Sat 8 Apr; Usher Ha/i, Edinburgh. Sun 9 Apr.

Young people get a bad rap these days. But, really, they’re pretty neat. Here’s some proof.

I Police in Austria discovered the identities of two teenage vandals by studying photocopies of their bums. The 15-year-old boys broke into the Linz High School and wreaked havoc, causing more than £6000 of damage. Threats against teachers were scrawled across walls, holes drilled in floors, ketchup smeared on desks, gym equipment destroyed, windows smashed and the photocopier straddled to capture their derrieres in duplication.

I A girl's fourth birthday party was ruined when her new doll started swearing. instead of ‘atishoo. atishoo'. Peterborough lass Alicia Bell's talking doll sang 'arse. arse. we all fall down'. Her shocked mum confiscated the offending/amusing toy but the new word was already embedded in the nipper's vocabulary. spouting forth at the most inapprOpriate of occasions. The manufacturing company has referred the doll to its customer relations team for assessment.

I Identical four-year-old twins have been sent to school early because they have developed their own language. Luke and Jack Ryan, of Cleckheaton in West Yorkshire, happily chat away but even their parents struggle to understand them. Experts say it’s not uncommon for twins to invent their own language when they are very young but most quickly grow out of it. I Bosnian police who were hunting a ‘professional’ burglar have discovered she's an 11-year-old schoolgirl. The youngster had been sneaking out at night to raid local homes in Ljubinje once her parents started snoring. She was finally caught after she raided a local chemists and made off with the equivalent of £260 from the till.

I A woman who fell 25ft down a well was saved by her five-year-old son. Tracey Fletcher from Warwick got out of her car to remove a pallet from the middle of the road and tumbled into the well that it had been covering. As Tracey, 36, tried to remove it, she slipped and fell down. Her wee boy ran 200 metres to a neighbour’s house and Tracey was eventually rescued by fire crews, amazingly having only suffered minor cuts and bruises.

I A nine-year-old girl has become the youngest female ever to hit a hole-in-one. Kate Langley hit it on the 134-yard par three first hole at a Scunthorpe course. She may only have been playing the 'Sport’ for a year but she will now enter the 2007 edition of the Guinness World Records.