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Still going strong, the Orb are headliners for the Slam Tent at this year’s T in the Park and bring their Petit Orb show to Glasgow this fortnight. Alex Patterson may know a thing or two about ‘Little Fluffy Clouds’ but why does he have a thing about the Mesopotamian period?
What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?
l have listened to the first album because it’s being re-released as a deluxe version on Island in July. strangely enough. I just notice all the quirky moments. When you listen back to something like Adventures Beyond the Ultrawor/d. when you really listen to it. all you can hear is the samples. the tape machine being rewound and really bad edits. Because in those days you couldn‘t rectify them like you can today. we were just using primitive tapes and Splicings of a bygone age. But I think that‘s the beauty of being a DJ: that you can actually step back. I like to think that I‘ve got good ear for music and not just Orb music.
In which time in history would you love to have lived and why?
I suppose the Mesopotamian history in Iraq believe
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it or not. This pre-Egyptian sOCiety that brought the form of writing. Cuneiform. I‘ve started waftling now but the anCient Ziggurats were the forerunners to the Pyramid someties. Mesopotamia is where most of this somety's algebra. letters and the way we think comes from. so I'd like to go back there and see what was gomg on really. how it ended up such a mess - the control there is now. compared to such a free thinking somety.
Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe, you have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be?
Well I'd be happy that the cats. the Wife and kids are out. I'd have time to save my records wouldn't I really. but then we'd be there all night trying to get them out.
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be?
I‘d be a woman. I might have my reasons.
How many times a day do you look in the mirror?
Well there's a mirror in the front room. I don't know . . . ten. But I don't twirl in front of the mirror any more that's for sure.
What’s your favourite biscuit?
Digestives. Dunking biSCUits.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
‘Stairway to Heaven' by Led Zeppelin.
When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book?
A couple of days ago because of this book called Who Built The Moon [Christopher Knight and Alan Butler]. And the whole reason why someone bum the moon is God. That was it really. That‘s as laughable as I get with books really. Bit silly. really. Have you ever exploited your position to get something? Did you get the results you hoped for?
Nothing with the Orb. but I managed to get a clothing company deal with all the Killing Joke roadies which was cool. Wearing all black gear on stage. Got some nice boots out of them. nice trousers and all sorts of zip tops and zip bottoms. All punky.
Who would you like to play you in the film of your life?
Someone like Jack Nicholson but he's a bit old now. When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
I last danced at the Panorama bar in Berlin last weekend because I'd just finished DJing and another friend had started. It comes with the job really.
Can you cook? If so, what’s your signature dish?
Pasta. Penne arrabiata.
Are you a cat or dog person?
Good question. I was going to look for my cat when I started talking to you. I've got two cats. Have you ever seen Meet the Parents? De Niro's a real cat lover in it. And he really hates the young bloke because he prefers dogs. Well anyway. I'm like that. I like dogs but I like cats. I like both. I haven't got a problem with either.
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a woman for? And was it successful or not? That‘s a bit private [laughs]. I happily pursued my present girlfriend and will be happily pursuing her for the rest of my life now.
When did you last cry?
Bad question today — very. very personal. It's the anniversary of my brother's death: he died five years ago. And I cried this morning. Hit a bit of a nerve there eh?
What do you like least about your life?
Idon't think there IS anything I don't like about being in the Orb. lt‘s opened so many L‘t\ enues as welt There is so much still Open. digital downloads. shitloads. It's just a question of getting rid of the middle man. ie the rec0rd labels. ."’. ‘,-,, ‘IU. ,. ..‘. :_o._‘ .. ',... '
This month marks the 150th anniversary of Sigmund Freud’s birth; and what a traumatic birth that must have been. He’s the man who put the Dr into dreams, the con into consciousness, the Sig in sexual significance, the big in disambiguation, the bias in phobias, the id in idiot and the anal in psychoanalysis. But what is his legacy and what have we learned from the guy’s lifework? A whole bunch of stuff, that’s what.
I Dreams about your dad Probably means you want to sleep With him.
I Emma Freud That slight speech impediment (which makes her sound not unlike Bonnie Langford eating some very cold ice cream could well be described as a Freudian lisp. In a roundabout way. we could blame Sigmund for Love. Actually. Because. well, Emma's married to Richard Curtis. you see.
I Dreams about your mum Probably means you want to sleep with her.
I Egos Jeremy Clarkson, 50 Cent. James Blunt. Beyonce. Colin Farrell: all primal examples of the rampant superego.
I Penis envy Only eXIsts in women. Or men who have rented the DVD of John Holmes Eruption six times too many.
I Minced Morsels The finest dog food in the world. bar none. Made a name for the velvet- talking. massively-bearded Liberal MP Clement Freud.
I Defence mechanisms The Germans will no doubt be proving just how good theirs are during the World Cup as they battle their dullard way to winning the trophy on their own patch. Which will exorCIse a few of their repressed memories of 1966.
I Dreams about your sister Probably means you want to sleep With her.
I Denial A rather brilliant punchline about Egyptian rivers.
I PR Freud's American nephew Edward Bernays was the pioneer of public relations. Not sure whether Freud can be held responsible for the career of Will Self. but it's well worth speculating.
I Dreams about your partner Probably means you want to sleep with him/her. One of Freud's more tar-fetched theories, to be honest.