If you’re thinking of whooping when Simon Evans

comes on stage, don’t bother. He doesn't like that. Feels there’s no place for it in a modern comedy audience. He also isn’t too keen on children and trees (though he’s quite fond of the deciduous variety) and clearly is no fan of the sloppy dresser, as his on-stage attire will prove. Arguably his career highlight to date was an invitation to the Aspen Festival in 2005 with Eddie lzzard and Stewart Lee, the only other Brits he had for company. Or it might be the cider ad he starred in.

Hit‘ Sta/7:1, wh/ihti/gh, Thu 8:5 Mt'ty.

V'WX ’l'ltc Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8. 30pm. £3 (£2; £l members). See .\lon l5. Hairy Watt Comedy Club lleriol-Wall l'iiiycrsity l’nion. Riccarton. 45l 533.. “pm. £3. ’l'opical Scot Vladimir .\lc'l‘a\ ish is Joined by ls'cii‘a Murphy (‘liddie l//ard without the make-up‘. apparently). Joe llccnan competes. Students and guests only.

Wednesday 1 7

G asgow

Comedy Benefit Night the Stand. 333 \Yoodlands Road. 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £6 (£4). ('omcdy benefit in aid of .l:\.\l74. the organisation opposing the planned M74 motorway estension in (ilttsg'tm. Line-up tlicltltlL‘s Michael Redmond. ls'cyin Bridges and Ricky Sparkles. with more to be announced.

Edinburgh

Comedy Benefit Night The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £l0. Stand tip for the Scottish (‘onnnunity l‘oundation at this charity benefit night. l.inertip includes Jamie .-\ndcrson. .\lat & l'aron and popular scribe .-\l. Kennedy.

Thursday 18

Glasgow

The Thursday Show the Stand. 33.3 \Yoodlands Road. 08706006055. 8.30pm. £6 (£5; £3 members). (‘osinic righteousness from Stcye llughcs: lidinburgh chappic (ircg .\lcllugli. Saj and fresh face 'l‘ony \Vilkcs also feature. lincouraging .i liriday hangoyer is .\l(' lirankic Boyle.

Edinburgh

Capital Comedy The Arcade Bar. 48 ('ockburn Street. 220 I207. 0.30pm. £3. .\lac Star hosts this charitable night. with part of the ticket price going to a good place. Joining him are (iraltam Mackie and Billy Kirkwood.

The Snatch Social The Liquid Room. ‘lc Victoria Street. 225 2564. | lpm 3am. £5. See 'l'liu II.

The Thursday Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £6 (£5: £3 members). Bruce l)e\ lin casts a jaundiced ey c oyci‘ guests Mandy Knight (a proper actress. too). la/y boy Pete ('ain. Chris Martin lookalike Aaron (‘ounter and Niall Browne.

Glasgow

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongletirs. l'(i(’ Building. Renf'rew Street. 08707 870707. 8pm. £l0. (linger Scot Brian lliggiits. Rich llall inucker (‘hristian Reilly. liddie Murphy doptx'lganger Rtidi l.ickwood and John Scott are all on tonight.

The Stand The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 08706006055. 8.30pm. £8 (£7: £5 members). l’rankie Boyle gives the stage oy er to the wit and wisdom of Stey'e llughes. (ireg Mcllugh's pearly-white smile. the enigmatic Sai and Tony Wilkes.

Edinburgh

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. ()mni (‘entre. (ireenside Place. 08707 870707. 8.15pm. £l0. 'l'hree-legged. tail- less Manxman Rob lleetiey' is joined by filthy Brtiminie Susan Murray and Phil Butler. possessor of an ‘0' level in art. The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £8 (£7: £5 members). 'l'op female comic Mandy Knight shares the venue with host Bmce l)e\'lin. cheeky Pete (‘ain. Aaron (‘ounter (whose surname should be Cupboard) and the White (‘hris Rock. Shurely' shonie inishtake.

Saturday 20

Glasgow

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l'(i(' Building. Renf'rew Street. 08707 870707. 8pm. £l3. See Fri 1‘).

Sheila’s Wheels Funny Women Awards 2006 Blackf‘riars. 36 Bell Street. 556 5626. 8.30pm. £5. Scottish heat of the national competition to find the best laugh-generator with a double-X gene arrangement. Local girl Ayesha lla/arika hosts.

Cosy Comedy Cafe The State Bar. I48 Holland Street. 926 928‘). 9pm. £6 (£5). See Sat l3.

The Stand The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £l0. See liri It).

Edinburgh

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. ()mni Centre. (ireenside Place. 08707 870707. 8.15pm. £12. See Fri 19.

The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £l0. See Fri 19.

Glasgow

The Chuckle Brothers King's ‘l‘hcatrc. 297 Bath Street. 240 III I. 2pm S 5pm. i lll K l 2. The llltitislacltltk‘tl l\\U\UlllC head oil on more galactic .idycnturcs. fighting for good against cyil. not forgetting to stop oil for and chips washed down w ith a cup of tea along the way.

Michael Redmond‘s Sunday Service The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £4 (£3. £l members). Michael Redmond entertains in his iisual lugubrious style. with cotnedy support from Pete ('am and Sat.

Edinburgh

Jem Rolls Off the Tongue 'l‘lic ('anons' (iait. 232 ('anongate. 556 4481. 8pm. £3 (£2). The original Big Word [x‘rl'ormance poet unyeils his latest touring show.

The Sunday Night Laugh-In lllt' Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £4 (£3: £1 members). Bruce l)e\lin opens the show. before Steye llughcs thinks deeply. .-\aron (‘ountcr gets matey and Billy Kirkwood tells stories.

Whose Lunch is it Anyway? llic Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. lpm. l'rce. See Sun l4.

Glasgow

Dance, Monkey Boy, Dance The Stand. 333 \‘l'oodlands Road. 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £4. 'l‘eam Monkey (the lads Nelson. (’halmers. Pirie. .\lcl.eaii and .\1earns) spice up a dull weeknight with more Sptlllllllit‘nlls sketches. music and

Edinburgh

Red Raw The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £ l. It's a true comedy lottery lior newcomers to show oll~ their best lines. supported by an exgx'rienced compere and headliner.

Glasgow

Red Raw The Stand. 333 \thxllands Road. 08706006055. 8.30pm. £2 (£l members). Special night for inesix-rienced funny people to try ottt their material. Hosted by Jamie Anderson and Niall Browne.

Edinburgh

Soup The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £5 (£3). The brains and brawn behind cra/y' (ierman pop dtio l)ie ('latterschenkentietermaus (that's Jason Cook and Lee l-‘enwick to you and me) present this iiew sketch and character comedy show.

Wednesday 24

Glasgow

Don Quixote Comedy Nite The Liquid Ship. l7l ~l75 (ireat Western Road. 33l l‘)0l. 8.30pm. £3 (£2). The chaps and cliapesses behind the Don QuiXote Appreciation Society tilt at comedy windmills once tnore.

Edinburgh

Shamwagon The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £4 (£3; £2 members). The Peiiiiy Dreadfuls (Jamie Anderson. Humphrey Ker. l)ayid Reed and Thom Tuck) are joined by fellow Bedlam alumni ldil Sttkaii and Peter (‘aineron for a night of improvised funnies.

Glasgow Boy Chubby Brown: It Easily Oflended Please Stay Away ('ly'de Auditorium. Pinnieston Quay. 0870 040 4000. 7.30pm. £20. Blue comedy from the one and only.

The Thursday Show The Stand. 33.3 \Voodlands Road. 0870 600 6055.

Frankie Boyle With his lust full Fringe ton on the hon/on. Scotland's ginger firehrantl gets tore into some tasty inatenal. The Stand. Edinburgh, The t t-Sat (3 May; the S and. G/asgow. Thu (8 Sat J”) May.

Sheila’s Wheels Funny Women Awards 2006 A place in the July Comedy Store final IS tip for grabs in this Scottish heat. Wlll) local wag Ayesha Ha/arika (pictured) hosting the leg. Who Will follow last year's Victor Debra .Jane Appelby onto the path of glory“? B/acktriars, GIUSQOW. Sat .90 May.

Scott Capurro the cattiest bitch on the CerUll gets to vent more of his spectacular spleen upon whomsoever enters his range. I know someone has to. but please. if you can. do not plonk yourself in the front row. See 5 Reasons. The Stand, G/asgow. Thu 25 May.

Grumpy Old Women Three of the most miserable dames to walk on a stage near you let forth their own irritations. Yet. they look so cheerful? See preview. Festival Theatre. Edinburgh. The 25 May.

8.30pm. £6 (£5; £3 members). (‘an‘t wait for the week to end" Scott (‘apnrro's San lirancisco \ itriol. otic of (ilasgow ‘s finest in (iarry Little and cute. amiable llils Barker iiitist agree. l‘red .\lac:\ulay is compere. See 5 Reasons lot the lad ('apurro.

Edinburgh Capital Comedy The Arcade Bar. 48 (‘ockburn Street. 220 I207. 0.30pm. £3. Rick .‘ylolland hosts this beneficent night. where pan of the ticket price goes to charity. 'lysi) mystery guests are pl'tillllSL‘tl. Grumpy Old Women l'csltyal Theatre. l3 2‘) Nicolson Street. 52‘) 6000. 7.30pm. £l7.50 £l‘). The hit BB('2 show. co-w ritten by Jenny liclair. comes to the stage. See preview. The Snatch Social The Liquid Room. 9c Victoria Street. 225 2564. l lpm 3am. £5. See Thu l l. The Thursday Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £6 (£5: £3 members). Jane Mackay leads the charge. in the company of tricycle rider Simon liyans. Steve Day (who won‘t be able to hear your heckles. so don’t bother) and Colum McDonald. See caption for liy'ans.

11—25 May 20% THE LIST 39