Premier Disco (see panel) have agreed to supply a DJ. rigging lights and amps for the bash. It might be a lengthy function but it still comes in at £400.

Any further entertainment might be decided by theme. but I‘ve

always been a fervent supporter of

fancy dress. Hell bent on welcoming my guests as a

vengeful Lord Almighty. a cape proves surprisingly easy to track down in Armstrong‘s (see panel) nameless heaps of fusty finery. and thanks to a crown from Aha Ha Ha (see panel) [just need to get a little creative with a cotton wool beard and I’m away. For me the benefits of fancy dress are three-fold: firstly. each guest is on an equal footing with an instant common bond. namely that they all look like idiots: thus they provide their own. or. more often. each other’s entertainment. each ready-equipped with a talking

point that starts with the arrival of

the first guest and should prevail long into party folklore: thirdly. it should guarantee that almost every guest is as giddy as a schoolgirl by the time they arrive. if not excited by their own fabulous creations. at least curious about other people‘s. Furthermore. as this party shall mark the end of the world. there’s a good chance the buxom Tanya will plump up as the great whore Babylon astride a chimera.

Finally. for the lind of Days we‘d best have something visual to dazzle and excite. l‘antastic Fireworks (see panel) offers light- it-yourself. three minute party displays. but as we‘re limbering up for Armageddon. we‘re going to need something a little more substantial. Impact is apparently relative to spend per minute. and aiming to impress l plump for ten minutes at a cool £l()()() per minute. It may sound extravagant but I aim to impress on my guests shock. awe and timely foreboding. It‘s worth considering that some venues may hold restrictions or

objections to firework displays. of

course if you can convince thetn that the end is nigh you may lind they are a little more lenient.

So. the invitations went out with plenty of notice: the bar. catering. DJ and fireworks are coordinated. poised and ready for action: perhaps there's time for one last pep talk from the professional.

‘l’arties generally tend to gather

their own momentum.‘ says Hutchison. ‘If you've provided the right ingredients then the party- goers should be able to use them and advocate their own fun. Should things go wrong you have

to rise to the challenge. for

example if an act (or indeed the end of the world) is postponed. I do definitely feel that people can be cheered up with a balloon. I don‘t care what you say.‘

Planning a celebration large or small can be a daunting task indeed. Here we’ve compiled a few ideas, from the modest to the outright gratuitous, that may help you get that party started.

WHERE TO DO IT CASTLES

No setting can compete with the grandeur of a Castle, even if it means a choice between re- mortgaging your own palace or holding up the Clydesdale. Choose from The Beatles’ one-time holiday home - yours, if only briefly, for a mere £5750; General Eisenhower’s vacation residence at £375 per night; or castle activities like a medieval banquet for £200 a head. or murder mystery nights and treasure hunts for around £1950. Auchen Castle

Beattock, near Moffat, Dumfriesshire, 01683 300407, www.auchen-castle-hotel.co.uk. Culzean Castle

Maybole, Ayrshire, 0165 5884 455, www.culzeanexperience.org Dundas Castle

South Queensferry, Edinburgh. 0131

I . fielvmgrove /

PARTY!

319 2039, www.dundascastle.co.uk Castle Stuart

Petty Parish. lnverness, 01463 790 745, www.castlestuart.com

GALLERIES

Scotland’s museums and art galleries offer class and elegance in cultural environs. Venues like Kelvingrove Art Gallery in Glasgow are perfect for a fancy dress party where you can bask in the extensive art collection for one night only, for a starting price of £2000.

People’s Palace and Winter Gardens

Glasgow Green, Glasgow, 0141 271 2962, www.glasgowmuseums.com Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum

Argyle Street, Glasgow, 0141 276 9599, www.glasgowmuseums.com National Galleries of Scotland Five venues throughout Edinburgh, including two set in a park on Belford Road, 0131 624 6239, www.natgalscot.ac.uk

National Museums of Scotland Several venues: main one on Chambers Street, Edinburgh, 0131 247 4113, www.nms.ac.uk Fruitmarket Gallery

Market Street, Edinburgh, 0131 225 2383

CLUBS AND CONCERT HALLS

For a great night in Glasgow, The

Arches in Glasgow offers exotic theme dinners from a Baroque Dinner Party to a World War Two Bunker. You can hire any of the rooms for a minimum price of £600 for a night of music, comedy, dance or fine dining. Oran Mér is a similarly flexible venue where you can host any kind of party. Choose from the Auditorium, the Gallery or the Private Dining Room. In Edinburgh, The Queens Hall is a fantastic venue for private celebrations.

The Arches

253, Argyle Street, Glasgow, 0870 240 7528 / 0141 565 1005, www.thearches.co.uk

The Jam Rouse

5 Queen Street, Edinburgh, 0131 226 4380, www.jamhouse.com

Oran mar

Top of Byres Road, Glasgow, 0141 u 357 6200, www.0ran-mor.co.uk Queens Hall

Clerk Street, Edinburgh, 0131 668 3456, www.thequeenshall.net

PUBS AND BARS

If you are desperate for some

action on a budget, don’t lose hope; there are a host of bars across the central belt with spaces available ; for hire, and if you can guarantee a good spend on the bar there is no reason for them to charge.

Canon’s Gait

232, Canongate, Edinburgh, 0131

556 4481, www.laughinghorse.co.uk

THE HELPING HANDS

Diane Hutchison is director and founder member of Oyster Arts, a Glasgow-based events management company that has helped turn awards ceremonies, birthdays and tailor made events into rip-roaring successes.

'In the context of a party. we're there to organise it so that a client can attend it too. That means they‘re not worrying abool what's going to happen in the next 25 minutes or where the fireworks are going to go off, where are the balloons. and that sort of thing. Then we enhance it by dressing adding the gimmicks and

the nice bits. And then we just try and keep it all nice and calm. and hopefully it'll be fine.

‘Try not to panic and don't home in on one particular area. don't worry about music more than where to put the coats. everything should have its own checklist. You shouldn't get too bogged down by one detail. always keep an overview. From the moment people arrive they've got to feel that this is an experience that will be fun.

‘Do go with a very open mind and a calm approach because disasters can happen. things can go wrong and yOu have to be able to adapt. Keep a cool head and reward yOLirself with a well-

deserved glass of champagne at the end of the night.

'Oh yes. keep an eye on the alcohol as well.‘ I www.0ysterarts.co.uk

19 Oct—2 Nov 2006 THE LIST 99