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As the Scottish Executive publishes its draft Culture Bill, Allan Radcliffe invites members of Scotland’s artistic community to present their own legislative vision.

AL Kennedy, author and stand-up

‘\\'e. your loving and conscientious lixecutive promise (while crossing our lingers just a wee bitty it's a habit we can‘t help) to defend your culture by:

0 linsuring that anyone on a low income gets limited access. We‘re aiming for no access. but that could take time.

0 linsuring that any product presented as “Scottish Culture" will be as bland as possible and will upset no vested commercial or political interests.

° linsuring that "special" people you know: crumblies. dal‘ties and refugees —~ only get to play with glitter. or take part in sing-alongs. Nothing really creative or otherwise threatening.

° [insuring that community groups. arts practitioners. residents‘ committees. pensioners' associations. etc have to wade through acres of red tape to hire a small man playing the spoons for half an hour. t'nrestrained l’unding will he lavished on ill-conceived and massively over-priced collaborations backed by corporate sponsors and/or political hacks.

° [insuring that any arts allocation will be based on time—honoured. patronising assumptions. Nothing to cause any outpourings of complex emotion or liberating l'actual content.

0 linsuring that il‘ any arts activities

8 THE LIST -1 "/1 Jay

do produce opinions with which we disagree. or just too much joy. pride. altruism and sell-worth »- then l‘unding. arts posts and projects will disappear.

° [insuring that no arts activity will ever cause us to realise that Scotland is a diverse. constantly evolving and potentially magnilicent country which we should strive to nurture and

del‘end.’

Tommy Sheppard, Director, The Stand Comedy Club It‘s a shame that an old fashioned l‘orinal approach to arts and culture still exists which crowds out any discussion of new cultural pursuits. It would be nice it the lixccutive could

welcome the youth and vibrancy ol

our country instead ol' wanting to present it to the world draped in tartan.

r .. v- -- Mark Cousins,

" filmmaker Scotland has always excelled at verbal and musical culture but it has underachieved in the visual arts. I‘d like to see our primary schools introducing classes on Visual logic. thinking and play. They could have ‘silcnt' days where all communication is visual. lets have sessions. in primary school. on composition. colour theory. the

logic ol' Picasso. the light in Raeburn. the aesthetics ol' (’harles Rennie Mackintosh. the storytelling in l’oussin's Seven Sacraments. the shapes in and ideas behind the Scottish Parliament. movement in Douglas (iordon's work. or texture in :\lison Wall's painting. l’or example. Kids would love this. It would boost the conlidence ol' the many with dyslexia and related reading dilliculties. and it would enrich

their lives.

Zoe Strachan, novelist The arts should he discussed more at school. and access to exhibitions and perl'ormances subsidised more later on. A labulous art show or magnilicent ballet is all very well. btlt not it. the concession ticket price is still too expensive. .largon like 'stakeholders’ and ‘entitlcments' makes me queasy. lt sounds like an attempt to erode the true power ol’ art. which exists quite apart from commercial and govermnental considerations.

Malcolm Fraser, architect ‘.'\ Bill tor the Renewal ol Scottish (‘ulturez (‘lause l: more dissidence‘. less sell-— obsession and more care l’or our l‘ellow -beings: a w cc Revolution'. lind ol' Bill.

‘Do I miss him? He used to get me good crack. That’ll do ‘innit?’

Miro [)or'ro/fv rot/our; or; /i()‘.'. (.2030 IT/s; f(EMU/i)!‘.‘;.’?',') 1111:; to Carl Barth.

‘l’m gonna cover a Girls Aloud song and change all their words but make them really filthy.’

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‘lt’s got to be the best birthday present she ever had.’

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Kiel "It; .‘Mf/it :; gill/7t]; (.'()‘.'.’.’7 better. ‘Best thing I’ve ever done, save a sheep from a tree. The wind has blown a sheep into a tree, and | save him. I don’t think it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever done, but wow, what an experience. Saving a sheep: it’s amazing, being hoisted up on wires. They get rid of them and it looks like you’re flying.’

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‘Kylie says in about 20 years we’ll get an act together and work the Butlins holiday camp

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