A good deal these days is hard to find

The so-called service industries are becoming a shambles, as poor regulation turns customers into winners and losers, argues The List’s mild-mannered gay editor.

eparts Newcastle. 20.40. say the tickets. I glance tip at the departure board. Newcastle. 2040. platform two. it says. l’ive minutes before. we shuffle tip to the tracks. A train arrives at 20.38 destination lidinburgh and three weary travellers (two having travelled from Germany to Newcastle that day) clamber aboard for the final leg. It‘s only after we chug out of the station that l glance at the tickets again. Strange. I think. my friends’ tickets say ‘Virgin X(". and this is a (‘iNliR train. llmm. must be a mistake. because the tickets say 2040. the departure board said 20.40. platform two for the lidinburgh train. and so it arrived. lixcept that. as the train guard argues with an American couple behind. it dawns on me that something completely insane has happened. The ('iNliR train was late. and arrived when the Virgin train was timetabled to arrive. which in turn was running late. Some utter bleeding genius had decided to give them both the same platform number. As I debate with the guard. state my case. am forced to admit failure. cough up £31.20 for two standard singles from Newcastle to Berwick. take the man‘s name and vow to complain. I'm surprised at how far my bile has risen. and how much my hand shakes when I sign the receipt. And as we prepare to be kicked off on arrival in the border town. to get on the Virgin train running on the same track. five minutes behind. I realise I‘ve just been treated like an idiot for making an honest mistake. 'We think there should be some work done simplifying the fares structure. to make it more understandable for passengers.’ says Robert Samson of Passenger FOCUS. an independent body set up in

2005 by the government to protect the interests of

Britain‘s rail passengers. He agrees that the current labyrinthine pricing structure is making some travellers winners. and others losers. ‘l’assengers are sitting there. wondering if the person sitting next to them has got a cheaper deal. There's that many fares on the go. it‘s sometimes confusing for passengers.‘ This culture of bargains and rip-offs. the necessity

of prostrating oneself in angry complaint. is bad for

society‘s collective blood pressures. lt‘s hawkish and squabbly. and the only people it doesn’t give stress to are those with too much money to care. Since the privatisations of the l980s. this phenomenon has spread through the service industry like venereal disease. (‘ompanies entice with lollipops of initial offers. then sting with hornets in the small print —- even for the most mundane of purchases. like a train ticket. Staff become immune to appeals to common sense. and standards head in ever-decreasing circles. It‘s no surprise that consumer advice and

10 THE LIST lit Jail 1 let) I’litli'

I'VE JUST

TREATED LIKE AN IDIOT FOR MAKING AN HONEST MISTAKE

comparison websites such as uswitch.com. moneysupermarket.com and moneysavingcxpert.com (whose figurehead. Martin Lewis now ubiquitous on TV was. unsurprisineg. too busy to speak to The List) have bloomed over the last few years. liinancial products. phone and internet suppliers. insurance. mortgages and utilities come with a bewildering multiplicity of suppliers. offering manifold tariffs. rates and packages. Who gets the best deal'.’ My guess is that it‘s the companies themselves.

Last year. a small consumer victory was scored by the Office of l‘air 'l‘rading. which ruled that credit card companies were breaking the law in setting penalties above £l2. In September. the OFT said banks would have to justify such punitive charges. The ball has begun rolling. and now the clamour to reclaim unfair charges is unstoppable.

Vicky Taylor. a spokesperson for the consumer association Which'.’. thinks

we shouldn’t hesitate to challenge our

financiers. ‘We‘ve taken legal counsel. and believe that people are entitled to

bank charges for up to six years [in the past]. It may take time it‘s unlikely that banks will roll over and say. “Have all your money back" So far. claims have been settled before reaching the courts. ‘No batik wants to be the first to admit they've been unfairly charging their customers for years.~

So. with a heavy heart. I pick tip my pen to write those fulminating letters of complaint. If we were treated like adults. rather than donkeys cajoled with carrots and sticks. I might not have to. (ioodbye. sense of fair play: goodbye. polite society.

You can contact Passenger Focus on 08453 022 022, Bam-8pm (until 4pm at the weekend), or visit www.railpassengers.org.uk. Consumer advice for reclaiming your bank fees and charges can be found at www.which.co.uk.

The only friendly ‘face on the “tracks?

start the process to claim back their

PLUCKING FRUITS FROM THE CUtTURAL BUSH

qravme

I Worst casting decision of the fortnight (month."year/decade trillennium) must be the one

which has placed Mike Myers in the plum role of Keith Moon for the 2009--tx)und biopic of the Who drummer See Me Feel Me . . . That crazy blazing squad Arcade Fire have already sold Out a pair of dates at Barrowland with a reVisit coming later in the year _ . . June is the month for filming to begin on the fourth Indiana Jones lllOVle with Harrison Ford zimmering his way back into the fold. Summer of 2008 is the scheduled due date . . . Courtney Cox is turning the reallife experiences of her Hollywood chums into a new TV drama. lll Dirt (which Cox will produce). she plays a magazine editor who goes to great lengths to dig up some nasty secrets aboot LA's rich and famous . . . The latest British show to be turned into an American one is I’m With Stupid. The comedy drama was a hit on BBCB. featuring the relationship between a .Ilieelchair user and a homeless guy. Unsurprisingly. the Farrelly Brothers are involved in the new NBC production . . . Based on the mystifyingly popular dolls. Bratz: The Movie hits the US in August with Paula Abdul JUSI annOunced for the cast. Something tells me she won't be playing one of the four teenage girls . . . Hate celebrity autobiographies? TOug 1h. Here’s a list of some famous folk spouting their stories in book form over the next year: Clarissa Dickson- Wright, Alex Higgins, Marie Helvin, Charlotte Church, David Soul, Patsy Palmer, Terry Christian, Russell Brand, Tara Palmer- Tomkinson and Fidel Castro. And whoever wins Big Brother this year.