tit-.LEECH
Sucking the blood of popular entertainment
x 4* Making loot out of disco \ and shoe fetishists
I All you need is love. Love and the trademark rights to your music. In a deal that will have at least one soon-to- be divorcee hopping for joy. computer giant Apple and The Beatles reconciled their long-running dispute over the Apple name. with the best band in the world thrown a lucrative pip or two by the malfunctioning crate of diodes on the Leech's desktop. even as it struggles with Bill Gates' gremlin- infested new operating system and personification as Robert Webb's stupid face.
I Wonderfully. though. as super- intelligent Macs transfer their operating processes to exterminating Fiona Apple and corporate lawyers instruct Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin to rebrand their offspring. The Beatles' back catalogue may finally be released for download. with the possibility that John. Paul. George and Ringo could claim every slot in the Top 40. It's bad news for The Beautiful South. though. who probably hoped to carry on back up the charts with the announcement of their split. The Hull outfit certainly deserve a little posthumous reward for being first to squeeze the lyrics 'sweaty bollocks' into the Top 10.
I Meanwhile. Paul Heaton's ex- bandmate Norman Cook is enjoying success at Carnegie Hall with a ‘disco opera' about former Filipino shoe fetishist Imelda Marcos. co- written and performed by Bill Gates' rival for the Greatest Living Nerd title. Dumbarton's very own Davrd Byrne. Fatboy and Big Suit composing opera about high fashion seems the unlikeliest heavyweight musical partnership since the Leech saw Belle and Sebastian frontrnan Stuart Murdoch sporting a Wolfmother American football jersey and dancing like a loon at last month‘s National Pop League. Mind you. the
12 THE LIST 1:") Feb ~ 1 Mar 200/
teetotal Christian and the noisy Aussie rockers collaborating once seemed likelier than The Police ever reforming. The news of the reformation of Sting and co only compounds the pain after the announcement that Genesis. James. Crowded House and The Eagles are all returning to the studio. As if Right Said Fred abandoning piano shifting to get back together wasn't enough already. But anything. anything. that prevents Sting picking up a lute again is unequivocally a good thing.
I One Police show at the Grammies won't rock the world. But Napoleon had his Waterloo. Nixon his Watergate and George W Bush has his Rage Against The Machine. And the Leech ain't talking about Dubya’s difficulties with an autocue. Furious guitarist and anti—corporate agitator Tom Morello obediently told MTV that Rage have reformed to ‘deliver a knockout blow to the Bush administration. Is it a corncidence that in the seven years that Rage Against The Machine have been away the country has slid into right—wrng purgatory?‘ No Tom. love. it isn't. It's also no coincidence that while Twiglet— haired singer Zack de la Rocha was away. the US government all but eradicated blond dreadlocks. Damn you evrl right—wing. neocon. short back and sides sporting squares! Fight the powered clippers!
- Making loot put of lutes
i s
LOST
Ignore the criticisms. Lost, which returns to UK screens this month, is the best soap opera on television, the kind that keeps you awake wondering what a polar bear is doing on a desert island. It has more layers than a deep- fried Mars Bar, and always raises more questions than it answers. If you haven’t seen it already, buy the box set, take the day off and discover why it’s still compulsive viewing.
SPOILERS I
No, we’re not referring to those daft fins on the back of your ned neighbour’s mazda, but to when TV companies insist on trailing the next episode of a series at the end of the previous episode and ruin the cliffhanger. ‘What do you mean he's been shot?’ ‘Why, then, is he walking about?’ Stop it E4, C4, Five, Living TV and More 4. Let us enjoy the tension of a good what happened next.
FIVE WEBSITES WHERE YOU CAN GET SOMETHING FOR NOTHING
Whoever said you can’t get something for nothing was clearly lying. Here are the websites that should be in every cheapskate’s favourites.
MEMBERSHIP CARD
www.freecycle.org
The Freecycle Network has over three million members worldwide, brought together through localised Yahoo groups. It aims to recycle unwanted items and keep stuff out of landfills. Get rid of what you don't need and get what you do need: your tat’s another person's treasure.
www.applausestore.com
Ever fancied being in the audience for Ready Steady Cook? If that's too close to Ainslie Harriott for comfort (we’d understand) then you can also get free tickets to be in the audience at a wide variety of other TV and radio shows ranging from Top Gear to The X Factor.
www.gumtree.com
Fab freebies section, allowing you to find people in your area who want to get rid of random things. Hamsters, printers, garden furniture . . . Keep in mind that, although they’re free, you’ll probably need to collect them. Obviously a hamster would be slightly easier to get on the bus than a shed.
www.freelnuk.co.uk
Rakes of free samples, discount vouchers. and general freebies. Something for everyone. And if you don't believe us. go and look. There's a two-week free trial at Blockbuster for you, free colouring books for the kids and a free pet food measuring cup for the cat.
www.titletrader.com
Too embarrassed to take your Mills & Boon books to the charity shop? Regretting thinking that Catwoman was a good buy? Swap books you‘re bored with. rubbish CDs and dire DVDs at tiletrader for the stuff you should've bought.