LastWord SANJEEV KOHLI

Festoon of lamb with cyclone of puy lentils in a coriander hatchback. On a mash banjo. Last time you cried DFS advert. Do they really have to cut that sofa in half? They could have discounted it, you know, ex-display . . . oh the waste . . . that’s me off again . . .

Last extravagant purchase you made Mick Hucknall’s hat. It was a charity auction. First crush Barbara Dickson. The Third Ronnie.

Last book you read Be My Enemy by Christopher Brookmyre.

First great piece of advice you were given ‘If I knew grandchildren were going to be so much fun, I would have had them first.’

Last time you were star struck Thom Yorke. I saw him on the street wearing massive white headphones and felt the need to shout his name. We both knew his name. First thing you’d do if you ran the country Arrange the buildings so my face was visible from space. I would be winking.

He may be best known as shopkeeper Navid Harrid in Still Game. But Sanjeev Kohli is also a famous face in Topshop with a misguided penchant for Mick Hucknall’s headgear

First record you ever bought ‘From Langley Park to Memphis’ by Prefab Sprout. Had I been financially solvent at the age of 11 it would have been ‘Snooker Loopy’. Last time you were chatted up The last time I wore a kilt, a very drunk female asked me five times if I was a true Scot. Either she wanted to see Tiny Sanj, or she was conducting a census on ethnic diversity.

First film you saw that really moved you Gandhi. It was the longest an Asian had been on screen. Still got bloody shot though, didn’t he? Last lie you told ‘I can kick my own height’. It was an audition. You could be looking at the first brown Bond.

First movie you ever went on a date to Weekend at Bernie’s. First thing you do when you’ve got time off work Check if Ernest Borgnine is dead. There’s a fiver resting on it.

Last great meal you cooked

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First concert you ever attended Rainbow at the Edinburgh Playhouse. Let’s just say Mick Hucknall’s hat is used for the dusting.

First time you realised you were famous This is genuine a guy in a Topshop in London asked me where my bodyguard was. I told him ‘Leggings section. No sudden moves’.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning I hope those are my legs.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Having had the whole day to think about it, I reckon those are definitely my legs. Sanjeev Kohli stars in Fags, Mags and Bags, BBC Radio 4, every Fri until Fri 19 Dec.

Last meal on earth what would it be? Arsenic tikka masala. First three words your friends would use to describe you Really quite bad at maths.

First song you’ll sing at karaoke Anything in the Meat Loaf repertoire. Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it

Wednesday 10 December

The Hot 100 As 2008 gets ready to call it a wrap, we reveal our list of the 100 movers and shakers who have made the most impact on Scotland’s cultural landscape this year, from hot bands and designers to stars of the stage and screen. Hogmanay Paolo Nutini will be entertaining the crowds in the east and west this New Year’s Eve. We chat to the man, and tell you what else will be happening across Scotland in the run up to the bells.

YOU’VE GOT 15 DAYS TO LIVE 96 THE LIST 27 Nov–11 Dec 2008