Comedy Wednesday 23

Glasgow Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs, UGC Building, 11 Renfrew Street, 0844 844 0044. 7.30pm. From £15. See Mon 21. Best of Scottish The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £6 (£5). It’s that time of year for clutching whisky and remembering all that’s great about this fair land. Why not throw comedy into the mix, with host Joe Heenan, John Gillick and Andy Sir giving you a right good reason to wave that tartan hanky. FREE Watson’s Wind-up Glasgow Film Theatre, 12 Rose Street, 6535. See Thu 17. Edinburgh Best of Scottish The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 8.30pm. £6 (£5). Another line-up of fine Scottish talent, this time with host Billy Kirkwood and comedy from Keir McAllister, Teddy and Sean Grant. Och aye, or something else borderline offensive.

Thursday 24 Glasgow Half Price Comedy Club Uisge Beatha, 232–246 Woodlands Road, 332 1622. 8pm. £6 (£4). See Thu 17. FREE Watson’s Wind-up Glasgow Film Theatre, 12 Rose Street, 6535. See Thu 17.

Saturday 26

Glasgow ✽✽ Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs, UGC Building, 11

Renfrew Street, 0844 844 0044. 7.30pm. From £15. Janey Godley, Daliso Chaponda and Dougie Dunlop help your post-Christmas slump in an evening of jokes and stuff. There’s three-course meal and dancing included in the ticket price. Half Price Comedy Club Uisge Beatha, 232–246 Woodlands Road, 332 1622. 8pm. £6 (£4). See Thu 17.

Sunday 27

Glasgow ✽✽ Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs, UGC Building, 11

Renfrew Street, 0844 844 0044. 7.30pm. From £15. See Sat 26. FREE Ha Ha Raw Comedy Ivory Hotel, Langside Avenue, Shawlands, 8.30pm. See Sun 20. Hootfest! The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £12 (£10). Wave goodbye to 2009 in the company of a selection of some of The Stand’s most popular regulars: MC Sandy Nelson, Ro Campbell, Susan Calman and a very special guest headliner. The teases.

Edinburgh Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs, Omni Centre, Greenside Place, 0844 844 0044. 7.30pm. From £15. Christmas may be over, but no-one’s dragged that paper hat off yer head yet so you might as well keep laughing. Tonight’s show features Joe Heenan, John Scott, Des Clarke and Raymond Mearns. Ticket price includes a meal and dancey dancing. Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £12 (£10). One year draws to a close and another creaks open with a hungover head and £50 missing from its jeans, but this cracker of a show should send 2009 off with a bang. Host Susan Morrison whips the crowd into shape before introducing three ace acts: Tom Stade, Joe Heenan and Mark Nelson. Kaboom!.

Monday 28

Glasgow Hootfest! The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27. 54 THE LIST 17 Dec 2009–7 Jan 2010

Edinburgh Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27. Special Guest Headliner (they just won’t tell us, and we tried), Ro Campbell, Billy Kirkwood.

5 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT

www.list.co.uk/comedy

Tuesday 29

Glasgow Hootfest! The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27. Edinburgh Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27.

Wednesday 30

Glasgow Hootfest! The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27.

Edinburgh FREE Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 1pm. See Sun 20.

✽✽ Scotland: An Eejit’s Guide The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 6pm.

£7 (£5). Two of Scotland’s finest, Susan Morrison and Vladimir McTavish, take a look at the homeland’s past and present with a witty new show. See preview. Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27.

Thursday 31

Glasgow ✽✽ Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs, UGC Building, 11

Renfrew Street, 0844 844 0044. 7.30pm. From £20. Welcome 2010 with a smile c/o this lot: Janey Godley, Dougie Dunlop, Steve Harris and Smug Roberts. There’ll be partying and food and I bet someone will kiss you. Hogmanay Hootfest! The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £19.50 (£17.50; members £13). The bells, the bells. A special-mystery-maybe-it’s-a- pony headliner tops off the bill this Hogmanay, with fabulous entertainment at the hands of Sandy Nelson, Susan Calman and Ro Campbell.

Edinburgh FREE Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 1pm. See Sun 20.

✽✽ Scotland: An Eejit’s Guide The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 6pm.

£7 (£5). See Wed 30. Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs, Omni Centre, Greenside Place, 0844 844 0044. 7.30pm. From £20. If you head Jongleurs way you’ll be treated to Stu Who?, Mike Milligan, Raymond Mearns and Tom Stade. There’ll be partying til the wee hours so settle in and drink up. Hogmanay Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £19.50 (£17.50; members £13). What could be a better way of seeing in 2010 than being entertained by wonderful comedians such as Joe Heenan, Mark Nelson and host Susan Morrison? Throw in a mystery headliner for good measure. It might be Elton John! (it’s not Elton John).

Friday 1

Edinburgh FREE Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 1pm. See Sun 20.

✽✽ Scotland: An Eejit’s Guide The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 6pm.

£7 (£5). See Wed 30. Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27.

Saturday 2 Glasgow The Saturday Show The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 9pm. £13. Take a deep breath and start calming down as the world starts to settle. This evening’s show is still bloomin’ exciting though, as Bruce Devlin introduces a Very

Edinburgh FREE Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 1pm. See Sun 20.

✽✽ Scotland: An Eejit’s Guide The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 6pm.

£7 (£5). See Wed 30. Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27.

Sunday 3 Glasgow FREE Ha Ha Raw Comedy Ivory Hotel, Langside Avenue, Shawlands, 8.30pm. See Sun 20. Michael Redmond’s Sunday Service The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £5 (£4; members £1). It’s a line-up of circuit legends this evening, with proper jokes and everything as Michael Redmond brings on John Gillick and Phil Differ.

Edinburgh FREE Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 1pm. See Sun 20.

✽✽ Scotland: An Eejit’s Guide The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 6pm.

£7 (£5). See Wed 30. Hootfest! The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 8.30pm. £12 (£10). See Sun 27.

Monday 4

Glasgow Dance, Monkey Boy, Dance The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £4. New year, same Monkey Boys doing their thing. Raymond Mearns, John Ross and Allen Chalmers continue the cult of the Monkey Boys, with stand-up, improv and sketches jam-packed in. Edinburgh Red Raw The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 8.30pm. £2 (£1). And so we go back to normal, with another Monday night dedicated to showcasing hopeful new comedians. With headliner Gus ‘Joke Machine’ Tawse and host Sian Bevan.

Tuesday 5

Glasgow Red Raw The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £2 (£1). New acts shining with sweat and excitement under the blinding lights of comedy will be joined by proper grown- up acts (kinda) Patrick Rolink and Keir McAllister. Edinburgh Wicked Wenches The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 8.30pm. £6 (£5; members £3). The first Wenches of the year sparkles to life with regular host Susan Calman, Susan Murray, AL Kennedy, Sharon Mannion and Kim MacAskill all part of the celebration of funny females.

Wednesday 6

Glasgow Wicked Wenches The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £6 (£5; members £3). See Tue 5. Edinburgh The Broken Windows Policy The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 8.30pm. £4. The Stand’s sketch show (formerly The Sugaring-Off Cabin) continues to nurture new funnies each month. Directed by Paul Sneddon, hosted by Joe Heenan and starring a galaxy of performers.

Thursday 7

Glasgow ✽✽ The Thursday Show The Stand, 333 Woodlands Road, 0870 600 6055. 8.30pm. £8 (£7; members £4).

JIMMY CARR 1 Growing up in the ‘nice bit’ of Slough, Carr graduated in Social and Political Sciences from Cambridge but floated around aimlessly for a while, even training to be a psychotherapist for a bit. 2 Disenchanted with his eventual life in marketing at Shell, Carr enthusiastically snapped up the voluntary redundancy that was on offer to embark on a career in stand-up.

3 He made his debut at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2001 as part of the Rubberneckers troupe. You may have heard of the other three acts on the bill: Robin Ince, Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais. 4 In 2004, Jimmy Carr and Jim Davidson went head to head through their legal representatives over a joke about overweight ladies which the former claimed the latter nick nicked. Among the most vocal critics of Carr’s often borderline routines are Michael Parkinson, Arthur Smith and Anne Widdecombe.

5 Carr can be briefly spotted in the audience of Dara O’Briain’s 2006 DVD shot at London’s Theatre Royal. Curiously, Carr looks the least amused person in the entire crowd but we can put this down to the fact that, as a student of comedy, he is probably concentrating really, really hard at the mechanics of the set rather than not finding any of it funny. We think. (Brian Donaldson) Playhouse, Edinburgh, Sun 20 Dec.

Caustic wit from Tom Stade, Zoe Lyons, Jonathan Elston, John Gavin and host Billy Kirkwood. It’s like that whole sparkly, jingly thing never happened. Edinburgh FREE Heresy The Jekyll & Hyde, 112 Hanover Street, 225 2022. 9pm. See Thu 17. The Thursday Show The Stand, 5 York Place, 558 7272. 9pm. £8 (£7; members £4). Vladimir McTavish hosts this weekend, with esteemed company in the shape of Teddy, Sharon Mannion, Garry Dobson and the take-no-prisoners comedy of Susan Murray.