FirstWord COUNT ARTHUR STRONG
Radio 4’s belligerent Yorkshire thesp, Count Arthur Strong, is on the warpath with his UK tour reaching Glasgow this month. Here he talks trousers, Hendrix and offal
First record you ever bought A Victor Sylvester 78. I can’t remember the title but you could do a foxtrot to it. If you could do one. Otherwise you just stood there. Last time you were chatted up Marks and Spencer’s yesterday. I think. She asked me if I was ‘alright doing my packing’. We all know what that means don’t we? I only had a packet of Ginger Nuts.
Last lie you told July 1948.
First movie you ever went on a date to Some French muck. First great piece of advice you were given Make sure your flies are done up before you go on stage.
Last time you cried Any time I’m chopping onions. It just makes me emotional. I don’t know why. I guess I’m a soppy old so-and- so at heart.
underwater. Which a shark likes, but would kill me. Last great meal you cooked An ‘Ocean Pie’ from the Captain’s Table range.
Last extravagant purchase you made A battery for my watch. It cost more than the sodding watch did in the first place. What’s the point of that?
First crush What a strange question. I can’t recall ever having crushed anything. Unless a caterpillar counts? And that was more of a squash. Last book you read I’m an avid reader. I generally nod off reading in bed. The book that’s putting me to sleep at the moment is my old pal Barry Cryer’s Butterfly Brain.
Last time you were star struck I don’t get star struck. I am a star. People get star struck with me. But I never ask myself that question because I’m naturally modest.
First thing you’d do if you ran the country Have a drink. Do the sudoku. Everything else can wait. I’m good at sudoku. Last meal on earth. What would it be That depends who was buying it. It would be something offal based.
Last time you exploited your position to get something The BBC canteen. I didn’t really have the best opportunity to exploit myself, as they asked me to leave. I did manage to get a pocket full of individual butters though. First time you realised you were famous Birth.
Last time someone criticised your work Don’t be ridiculous!
First thing you do when you’ve got time off work I’m never off work. I’m like a shark in that respect. Apart from being
First song you’ll sing at karaoke I don’t do karoke. I’m a professionally trained singer. I’d rather receive a Chinese burn. First three words your friends would use to describe you Giving. A good listener. Slightly deaf. Numerically challenged.
WeLike The things making our world just that little bit better
Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I bought a pair of trousers that fitted someone else’s legs that were shorter than mine. I regretted that because my ankles get cold in them.
First concert you ever attended Jimmy Hendrix at ‘The Speakeasy’ in the 60’s. It was a right racket. My ears bled.
Last time you bought someone flowers I bought my mother a potted hyacinth in 1953. ■ Count Arthur Strong: Man Behind The Smile, King’s Theatre, Glasgow, Mon 25 Jan, 7.30pm.
■ Ladies and gentlemen: Elvis is on the iPhone. It was always going to happen, wasn’t it? According to comedian Mitch Benn (the world’s greatest Elvis impersonator, it says here), the Pocket Elvis app will help you chat up girls or talk about sports. In the voice of the King. Yeah, we’re confused too: http://tiny.cc/tFkAs
Also floating our boat this fortnight: Jarvis Cocker on 6Music. Admittedly, we’d probably listen to three hours of El Jarverino playing Razorlight and lighting his farts, but fortunately that didn’t happen. Real music, real musings, and a nice
wee bit of anti-capitalism slipped into yer Sunday afternoon. Bless you, sir. We’re also fulminating with excitement about the final season of Lost (starting
Thursday 11 February on Sky1 and currently downloadable on iTunes for £19.99). Finally, the mysteries will be answered. We’re going to find out what the Numbers mean! And who the smoke monster is! And just how Sayid keeps those tight vests so very white on an island with no washing machines.
2 THE LIST 21 Jan–4 Feb 2010