{FRONT} FirstWord
FirstWord Bob Servant
Bob Servant, Hero of Dundee (and creation of Neil Forsyth) takes time off from his usual role as List agony uncle to consider our Q&A
First record you ever bought The theme tune to Puff the Magic Dragon. I have never heard anything sum up life’s challenges better than that song. First film you saw that really moved you Zulu. I watch it every Saturday morning and every single time it finds a new heart string to twang.
Last lie you told ‘That’s not my dog.’
First movie you ever went on a date to Zulu, Dundee Picturehouse, 1966. My date walked out and I shouted: ‘They’re fleeing sir, they’re fleeing!’ which near enough brought the roof down. Last time you cried When Andy ‘the Dunblane Hydro’ Murray got knocked out of Wimbledon.
First thing you do when you’ve got time off work Take a tour round the boozers of Dundee and check on my respect levels. Last great meal you cooked A Meat Attack cheeseburger. I got banned from selling them on the vans in the late 1980s but they can’t touch me now. I only make them for personal use or formal commissions by celebrities.
Last book you read The Bible. It’s in my top three autobiographies along with Wogan and Savile. Jesus was some boy, a real man’s man.
First great piece of advice you were given Life is like a box of spanners. You stand there and hold your spanner and say, ‘Oh look at me with my spanner’ and then you . . . sorry, hang on. I think I meant hammers. What is it? For Christ’s sake. Right, let’s go for: ‘Put down your spanner and have a good time.’ Last time you were star struck In the late 1970s my granny briefly dated Harry Secombe. He came round to our house for Christmas and lifted me up and screamed – I mean really screamed – ‘You are the naughtiest boy in Britain’ in my ear. I was 23 years old and absolutely furious.
First time you realised you were famous I was walking down the road with Brian Cox and a traffic warden got Coxy to take a photo of me and the warden. Coxy was absolutely furious and later that night childishly covered me in chicken chow mein while I slept. Last time someone criticised your work I got a one-star review on Amazon that said it was ‘a bit lazy’ and they ‘just
didn’t connect with Bob as a person’. I could only agree wholeheartedly. conversation and it shouldn’t be allowed.
First three words your friends would use to describe you ‘Simply The Best’
Last person you’d ever sleep with Philip Schofield. I’ve never bought into this ‘thinking man’s crumpet’ image he’s somehow built up. First thing you’d do if you ran the country Make it a law that men can’t clasp their hands behind their backs and rock back and forth when they speak to you. It’s a cheap way to gain control over a
Last time you exploited your position to get something Half price entry to Broughty Ferry Gala Week. I’m currently suing them to recover the half that I paid. First song you’ll sing at karaoke. Anything by Linda Ronstadt or NWA.
Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Philip Schofield.
■ Neil Forsyth, An Audience with Bob Servant, Charlotte Square Gardens, 0845 373 5888, 23 Aug, 8.30pm, £10 (£8).
WeLike The things making our Festival just that little bit better
■ With only a modicum of incredulity we like the rumour that Philip Glass (pictured), Jools Holland and Sandie Shaw went as a triumvirate to see all- night five-star participatory theatre show Hotel Medea last Friday. Cathing Paul Daniels and Debbie
McGee at Puppetry
of the Penis sounds more likely, but we’re assured it’s true. We’re also
intrigued by some
guerrilla marketing tactics on the Fringe.
The Boy With Tape On His Face has taped up other Fringe performer’s mouths on their posters, while foulmouthed musical comedy act Kunt and the Gang has been handing out penis stickers to audience members (no pun intended) to stick where they see fit. In the face of controversy Kunt is unrelenting, saying he’ll be sorely disappointed if he ‘doesn’t get punched in the face this Festival’. He’s on at The Hive at 9.15pm every night if anyone’s interested . . .
L A V I T S E F
RIGHT NOW ON list.co.uk
List.co.uk has gone blog crazy. Right now you can read the inner wonderings of Nick Doody, Jason John Whitehead, Lou Sanders (pictured) and more. Plus, don’t forget about our incredibly useful Top-Rated Shows page. list.co.uk/festival
2 THE LIST 18–25 Aug 2011