T IN THE PARK
TO HANG OUT TO SLEEP
You’ve been hit by as many rogue fl ying cups of (what you really hope is) beer as you can take for one day and need to escape the crowd . . . You’ve done one too many feral festival sleepovers in your time, and crave something more luxurious these days . .
D on’t hit the eject button just yet. There is more to T in the Park than the moshpit, and loads of other non-musical activities and events have been organised too.
Thursday-night campers can ease themselves into the weekend by taking in a fi lm on the big screen. Last year’s movies included Back to the Future, Dirty Dancing and the T in the Park-based romantic comedy You Instead. This year’s programme has yet to be announced, but, if past movies are anything to go by, audiences can expect more old favourites and crowd pleasers. At the Cabaret Club, you can watch burlesque performers such as Cat A Clysmic in action. This titillating treat gives you the opportunity to see some fl esh that doesn’t belong to the sunburnt Hairy Biker look-a-like in the tent three doors down. If burlesque is not your thing, Edinburgh and Glasgow’s Stand Comedy Club will be in attendance, too. There’s also the playful musical comedy of Frisky and Mannish, whose hits include a dystopian reimagining of Busted’s ‘Year 3000’ (‘and your great great great granddaughter . . . didn’t make it’). In short, an act as funny as the revellers negotiating the mud like Bambi on his fi rst night out.
For something more high-octane, festival-goers can head to the fairground. In addition to the usual ferris wheel, T in the Park has laid on a bungee ball that will propel you into the sky. Take in the sights of Kinross, briefl y, before you hurtle back down towards the ground and begin to wonder if that last burger was really such a good idea. Old favourite the dodgems will be there too; a more sedate option if you and your friends fancy fi tting in a bit of childhood regression in between gigs. Speaking of which, all this raving can play havoc with a girl’s hair. Or nails. Luckily, for £27, the on-site Refresh complex can provide you with hair straighteners and , in case of real emergency, a nail bar. You can even revel in the unbridled luxury of a fl ushing toilet. Just think how smug you will be when you see everyone else coming out of the Portaloos with that haunted 1000-yard stare.
26 THE LIST 21 Jun–19 Jul 2012
A lhough many won’t be intending to do much sleeping at this year’s T in the Park, there are plenty of places to hit the hay, catering to all budgets and tastes, should you hit a wall of tiredness. While you can pitch your own tent, Tangerine Fields will also be at the event with pre-pitched tents, saving you hours of frustration that can only be paralleled by building self-assembly furniture. It’s sold out for this year’s festival, but something to be aware of in years to come (and be jealous of this year).
Even more opulent than Tangerine Fields is The Residence, which has its own exclusive bar for those who purchase an accommodation package, as well as reserved car parking, eliminating some of the most aggravating aspects of the festival.
The rooms also take convenience to the next level – upmarket tents will be set up for you and taken away once your stay is over. For example, £1476 can get a luxury Turkic yurt for two that looks sturdier than most people’s homes. The interior can only be described as Central Asian chic; deep fur rugs are scattered across the fl oor and the beds and tables are rustic yet minimalist. If that still strikes you as roughing it, The Residence also has a Podule Pop-up hotel, advertised as a ‘boutique hotel’ for the ‘festival fi eld’. Indeed, with an en suite ‘wetroom’, ‘bespoke toiletries’ and ‘thermal and sound insulation’, some people probably won’t want to leave the Podule. From the outside it looks like a stencilled caravan, but on the inside you would be forgiven for thinking it’s a showroom for a new luxury apartment development. Unfortunately for our inner divas, the £2650 per room pop-up hotel is sold out for 2012. Maybe next year? (Melissa Steel)