FIRST&LAST First record you ever bought Aladdin Sane by David Bowie.

ANNA CALVI Twickenham’s elegantly imperious singer-songwriter and guitarist stops by to talk about the NHS, being twirled by Nick Cave, and her karaoke phobia

Last extravagant purchase you made A U67 vocal mic.

First film you saw that really moved you Bambi when I was five. Last crime you committed I stole an orange from a supermarket when I was ten.

First thing you’d do if you ran the country I’d start with the NHS.

Last meal on earth: what would it be Pasta with tomato sauce and vegetables, followed by apple crumble and ice cream. First song you’ll sing at karaoke I have never, and will never, sing at a karaoke. It would terrify me!


P H O T O © L E A H N A S H

First movie you ever went on a date to Romeo and Juliet. First song at your (potential) wedding I don’t think I believe in marriage. 

Last time you exploited your position to get something I only do that if I need new clothes. First job Working in a teddy bear shop.

Last song at your funeral ‘Holy Holy’ by David Bowie. First crush River Phoenix.

Last thing you recommended to someone I recommended a fellow musician that they should get a baritone guitar, because they sound amazing. First great piece of advice you were given My parents taught me how to listen.

Last person you fantasised about It’s not really a fantasy if you say it out loud.

First three words your friends would use to describe you I asked one of my friends and she said ‘caring, funny and thoughtful’. Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I bought a silk shirt for a lot of money even though I knew it was much too big for me.

Last time you were starstruck Probably when Nick Cave picked me up and twirled me round. First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning I try to remember my dreams.

GLASGOW COMEDY FESTIVAL We’ll be wrapping up our coverage of the Glasgow Film Festival next issue, before going on to cover the dear green place’s next massive cultural happening the Glasgow International Comedy Festival which this year features performances from Miranda Hart, Fred MacAulay, Janeane Garofalo, Stewart Francis, Ruby Wax and Miles Jupp.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep I have insomnia quite often, so usually I’m counting down from 500 to try and help me fall asleep. Anna Calvi plays The Arches, Glasgow, Wed 5 Feb.

P H O T O © R O G E R D E C K K E R

Misadventures IN WONDERLAND

RISE AND SHRINE This month, Alice took herself off to a guided meditation session. Here’s how she got on.

dark street in Glasgow. I saw the glowing light man in front if he turned round and started trying

from inside something that looked like a shop, but to stab me, and then spent what felt like 6 hours

stepping inside it was warm and welcoming, like wondering why I stopped wearing a watch. I did

going to your gran’s house if your gran was a room feel a heaviness and sleepiness I’ve only ever

full of strangers. I was asked if I wanted to use experienced once, while in court.

the ladies’ toilets by two separate women in long, Is it beneficial? I don’t think I’ve even had my

white gowns, to which I responded ‘No thanks, I’ve phone off in two years, let alone my brain. I was

been’ like a pro. Turned out I had mayonnaise all more stressed out at being a spiritual fraud than

over my face from previously mentioned baguette I would’ve ever been watching Columbo in my

What was I expecting? When I went for my i rst so they were being kind, not the creepy urine

underwear while constantly refreshing my emails.

writing job I was told, ‘You’re very good at writing thieves I was starting to suspect.

However, the room was packed full of calm,

about nothing,’ so this was going to be my time

What happened next? Everyone was seated and higher-working beings soaking it up at their own

to shine. Sitting on a chair looking forward on a

the slow, slick voice-over started. It guides your free will, and they seemed to know what they were

Sunday night, listening to the gentle stock sounds

breathing and your point of focus. You sit and kind doing. They were taking something from it that

of panpipe music how much more nothingness of let it happen to you, like Deal or No Deal.

I guess I never will. All I learnt is that I’m never

do you want? I was worried I was going to pass How did it feel? In healthy meditation you’re

going to Subway again.

out from the sheer gravity of the situation so I had supposed to let the thoughts come and go, rather

a really crappy Subway sandwich on the walk. I than block them out completely, which I guess

hope this paints the picture I was born to paint. is what they teach you in the army. I spent 15

What’s the place like? It was on an incredibly minutes daydreaming about how I’d disarm the

Guided meditation sessions take place at the Inner Space Glasgow Meditation Centre on Fridays and Sundays.

104 THE LIST 23 Jan–20 Feb 2014