FIRST&LAST First record you ever bought ‘A Message to You, Rudy’ by the Specials.

First song you’ll sing at karaoke ‘Creep’ by Radiohead.

GARY BEADLE The star of EastEnders and t e Banksy: The Room in the Elephant talks bikes, school Elephant talks bikes, school crushes and Judith Chalmers crushes and Judith Chalmers a sy:

e oo

Last extravagant purchase you made A new bicycle. First film you saw that really First film you saw that really moved you moved you The Champ with Ricky Schroder. The Champ with Ricky Schroder

Last time you exploited your position to get something When I bought my bicycle. First time you realised you were famous When really pretty women started paying attention.

Last great meal you cooked Last great meal you cooked Salmon, pepper and spinach Salmon, pepper and spinach omelette. omelette. Last person you fantasized about Lindsay Lohan.

First crush First crush Miss Jones, my secondary school Miss Jones, my secondary school teacher. teacher. First three words your friends would use to describe you Clever, mad fool.

Last book you read Last book you read The Burglar Diaries by Danny The Burglar Diaries by Danny King. King. Last funny thing you saw online A cat trying to operate a photocopier.

First great piece of advice you First great piece of advice you were given were given Never rest on your laurels. Never rest on your laurels.

Last time you were Last time you were starstruck starstruck

Seeing Judith Chalmers in Seeing Judith Chalmers in Tesco when I was a kid. Tesco when I was a kid.

First thing you’d do if First thing you’d do i you ran the country you ran the country Pay teachers and Pay teachers and nurses a lot more nurses a lot more money. money. Last meal on earth Last meal on eart All the sushi I can All the sushi I can eat. eat.

First song at your (potential) wedding ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ by Queen.

Last song at your funeral ‘People Are Strange’ by the Doors. First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech The person that said I couldn’t win an award.

Last crime you committed Never.


T IN THE PARK / EIFF This issue’s Summer Festivals feature was just a preview for the main event next time, we’ll be going large on two of Scotland’s biggies. Arctic Monkeys, Biffy Clyro and Calvin Harris are among the big names at T this year, while the Edinburgh International Film Festival programme abounds with events, guests and premieres from around the world. Get the full scoop on both in our next issue.

You don’t wanna know . . . Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Have I turned the oven off?

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning Banksy: The Room in the Elephant, Traverse Theatre, Edinburgh, Fri 16 & Sat 17 May.

Misadventures IN WONDERLAND

PINT PONG This month we sent columnist Alice White to try the noble sport of beer pong. Here’s what she discovered.

Where is it held? What happened?

It’s held once a month at Hemma, a nice Swedish I wasn’t the only person to limber up as there were

café-bar that normally holds toy sales and jogging whispers of a very competitive Hungarian team.

club meets. It’s pretty far away from an Omega It was a reasonable affair at i rst me and my

Delta Whatever frat house i lled with American teammate, Lou, held our own. We sunk a couple

jocks in matching jerseys. There’s no one with of balls, we cheered. We lost a couple, we drank

a toga on. There’s no one with a prescription our bitter, loser drinks. When we realised that we

amphetamine addiction. I think. had to win three consecutive games to get through

What’s the point? the quarter i nals, Lou grabbed me by the face and

There’s a cash prize. What? What did you think said, ‘You can do this. I believe in you.’ I missed my

What is beer pong?

the meaningful twist was going to be? Organised shot by half a metre. Morale took another hit when

Two teams of two stand either end of a long table. consumption for money was what I was after and

I heard a couple of spectators betting against

Taking turns, you try and throw or bounce a ping

there wasn’t a hot dog eating contest in the area. us. Things went rapidly downhill when Lou and I

pong ball into one of your opponent’s cups of

Well, not one I’m not banned from. Anyway, what dramatically fell out at the table and the argument

beer, which are arranged in a triangle in front of other sports exist for fat alcoholics? Apart from

eventually carried on into the street.

them. If it goes in, they have to drink the contents. darts?

If you make them drink all their beer, you win and It’s also important to remember that, unlike

go onto the next round. I’m gonna take a wild other drinking games where the point is to get as

guess now and predict it won’t be part of the drunk as possible, beer pong involves winners and

Commonwealth Games. money, so you don’t want to get too hammered.

Did you have a team name? Major Crimes Unit. Beer Pong takes place at Hemma, Edinburgh keep an eye on for upcoming dates.

112 THE LIST 15 May–12 Jun 2014