IN ASSOCIATION WITH COMEDY
SO YOU THINK YOU’RE FUNNY . . .
Think uni’s the right time to try your hand at stand-up? So did comedian Fern Brady. This is what happened
I started comedy in between graduating from Edinburgh University and doing a postgrad in news journalism in Shefi eld. I found a furious letter from my journalism tutor at Shefi eld University this increasingly farcical saga you have failed to come to any classes or cooperate with me in any way.’
the other week: ‘Throughout
I was there on a scholarship for ‘socially diverse’ youths [read: neds] who wanted to be journalists; except I had very quickly become addicted to comedy gigging four times a week. I had been using my scholarship money to fund train journeys across the UK and had stopped showing up to any classes. I’d just got my i rst paid gigs at the Stand in Edinburgh. My bit about my homemade latex vagina was going really well, I thought. My tutor called me in for an urgent meeting.
‘I am asking you to choose between comedy and
the course. You cannot keep doing this many gigs.’
‘David, I’m just a bit tired at the moment from . . .
revising and that.’
‘Yes, I imagine it’s very tiring talking about your latex vagina. Very tiring indeed.’
He looked smug just because he’d Googled me.
Like he was Poirot.
I stared at the l oor. He didn’t understand my latex vagina joke in the wider sociopolitical context it was intended for. ‘You could be a great journalist, Fern. I really mean that.’ That week I’d written a piece about a crow with its foot stuck in a roof. I wrote it as though the crow
was an angry little man. My tutor had slow-clapped proudly, reading it out to the rest of the class as if it was something revelatory instead of a story about a crow with its foot stuck in a roof.
I quietly realised news journalism was nothing like being Lois Lane in Superman and would instead be an endless procession of asinine pish about distressed animals or local council meetings. On the other hand, I’d just done a gong show in Warrington where I was paid with a packet of supermarket own-brand crisps that I had to share with all the other acts. ‘I’ll stay on the course, David.’ As I left his ofi ce I remembered with dismay that I’d spent the last of my money on train tickets to perform at the Stand. I desperately needed the cash from the gigs. I was living off food I stole from my amorous Nigerian l atmate, who as a result kept trying to get off with me and leaving little treats around the house and notes that read, ‘You look beautiful this night by the washing machine’.
I never went back to university. I spent the next three years crying in Jobcentres or being sacked from jobs after gigging late at night then falling asleep at my desk. This article was supposed to tell you why you should start comedy as a student: DO NOT DO IT.
Fern Brady appears on Seann Walsh’s Late Night Comedy Spectacular, BBC3 and iPlayer. She performs at Gilded Balloon, Glasgow, Fri 3 Oct, 7.30pm & 10pm.
Student Guide | COMEDY
JUST FOR LAUGHS Our Comedy editor Brian Donaldson reveals Glasgow and Edinburgh’s top comedy clubs
It’s almost impossible to even mention the words ‘comedy in Scotland’ and not go into full-blown praise mode about the Stand. The two purpose- built venues in Glasgow (333 Woodlands Road) and Edinburgh (5 York Place) are not only among the best stand-up spaces in the UK, but are often mentioned in dispatches as being up there in global comedy terms.
As well as attracting some of the top touring names in the country, regular evenings include the Red Raw open mic night (Susan Calman and Kevin Bridges are just two RR alumni that have become household names), Bright Club, Michael Redmond’s Sunday Service and Improv Wars.
Offering stiff opposition to
the Stand on Friday nights in Glasgow is the recently opened Gilded Balloon Comedy at Drygate (85 Drygate). The legendary venue will welcome the likes of Romesh Ranganathan, Felicity Ward and Rob Rouse before the end of the year. If you’re looking for laughs
at a lighter price, seek out comedy nights at pubs like Glasgow’s Vespbar (14 Drury Street), State Bar (148 Holland Street), and Halt Bar (160 Woodlands Road), while Edinburgh has the Beehive Inn (18 Grassmarket) and Footlights (7 Spittal Street). Footlights (7 Spittal Street).
The Stand
18 Sep–16 Oct 2014 THE LIST 127