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FIRST&LAST First record you ever bought Ford: ‘Cars’ by Gary Numan. Greg: The Police’s ‘So Lonely’.
FORD KIERNAN AND GREG HEMPHILL The Still Game stars talk Neil Diamond, Farrah Fawcett, rowing machines and a shared love of Italian cooking
Last extravagant purchase you made Ford: A rowing machine: I’ll never use it but it looks good. Greg: A flight to California.
First film you saw that really moved you Ford: It’s a Wonderful Life. Greg: The Evil Dead.
Last lie you told Ford: ‘No, I don’t have a hangover.’
Greg: ‘I’ve only had two rums.’
First date movie Ford: Saturday Night Fever in a Dennistoun fleapit.
We were 15 but they let us in as we’d
dressed up. Greg:
Octopussy.
136 THE LIST 18 Sep–16 Oct 2014
First thing you do when you’ve got time off work Ford: Cry! Greg: Go for lunch with my wife.
Last great meal you cooked Ford: I do a mean spag bol, a proper Italian job! Greg: An Italian breaded chicken affair and a radish side salad. First crush Ford: Deanna Durbin: she was a sort of girl-next-door, cutesy 1940s movie star who I watched on TV re- runs. Although, when I look at her now I don’t know what I saw in her. Greg: Farrah Fawcett.
Last book you read Ford: Blood Whispers by John Gordon Sinclair: do yourself a favour, it’s brill! Greg: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. First great piece of advice you were given Ford: Never eat the yellow snow! Greg: Take people as they come. Don’t ask what they do for a living.
Last time you were starstruck Ford: I once met Scorsese and spent five minutes talking. One supercool dude! Greg: I went to see Nick Frost in a Q&A. Lovely and hilarious. Until he declared his love for my wife. I wasn’t starstruck. I was ready to strike the star. First thing you’d do if you ran the country Ford: Make chocolate money legal tender. Greg: Take back Balmoral for Scotland.
Last meal on earth Ford: My wee maw’s soup. Greg: A hot curry.
First song you’ll sing at karaoke Ford: ‘Great Balls of Fire’, giving it laldy! Greg: ‘I Am . . . I Said’ by Neil Diamond, cause you can talk most of it. Last time you exploited your position to get something Ford: A hotel near Loch Lomond gave me and my pal a couple of pints, even though they were closed. Greg: A free slice of Rocky Road at a surf school in Dunbar.
NEXT ISSUE WED 15 OCT
GLASGAY! The programme for this year’s celebration of queer culture is a blinder, with a top-notch headline appearance from Hollywood outsider John Waters. Plus there are new theatre commissions by Grant Smeaton and John Byrne and the usual focus on comedy, club nights, visual art, film and music: you can find out all about it in our next issue.
First time you realised you were famous Ford: Are you calling me famous? Greg: The same day I had to move all the bodies. Last time someone criticised your work Ford: I never listen to criticism; I’m too vain. Greg: Daily on Twitter whenever I speak up about the referendum.
First three words your friends would use to describe you Ford: ‘Aff his heid.’ Greg: ‘Likes a drink.’ Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it Ford: It was that bloody rowing machine! Greg: Two toastie machines for a tenner each. No man needs that many toasties.
Still Game: Live at the SSE Hydro, Glasgow, Fri 19 Sep–Fri 10 Oct. Read more of this Q&A at list.co.uk
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